They can find out when they care or FB. not my job
Started taking care of my mom in 9/2007-she's 87 in a wheelchair she has RA 90%.7 joints replaced both knees,hips,shoulders,1elbow,she has 8 kids 5 older then me. NOT one of them help, 4 live close enough that my mom should never be alone. 1 only helps if i call, but the rest dont even try. They're quick to judge & disrupt, I can't understand how anyone could show such disregard for their mother. No calls, no visits nothing. What ever might have happen or what she did or didnt do to them for them whatever, Get over it, grow up. other than that i dont have nothing nice to say,I left home at 13. all of them had more time with my mom, I learned on my own, not to judge any one especially my parents how dare them.am not related to any of them,
Make sure your mom has her legal documents in place (DPOA, HCP) so there are no issues with end-of-life decision making. Talk to her about what she wants, and document that if possible. Your mother should use whatever money she has left on her own care: at 87, anything could happen. There's always Medicaid if she runs out, and there won't be anything to inherit. If she has money now, put a pre-paid burial plan in place so you don't have to worry about that expense (or ask your sibs to help with that, which they probably won't). If you are her POA, take nothing for yourself and keep good records. Yes it is a thankless task, but you will be better able to hold your head high after she passes.
I can relate to your feelings though. When the time comes, I will run an Obituary, but that will be the extent of notification.
My cousin only has me.(And my parents, but they are seniors and not able to do for her.) She named me as her DPOA, HCPOA, years ago. I'm actually her second cousin. When she got dementia and was not able to care for herself, she received no help from any family, friends or neighbors. She had lived in that neighborhood for over 20 years.
Most of the surviving family members were old, but not all. No one offered to do anything, not even bring a meal or sit with her for an hour. After I got her into Assisted Living and later Memory Care, no one calls. I tried calling her best friend multiple times and never could reach her so I gave up. I initially did explain that my cousin has significant, (now severe dementia) Nothing from any family or friend for over a year. Not even a card. I find it odd, but hey....maybe people just can't handle it. I no longer try to reach them. They know where she is and they choose not to visit, that's their decision.
I think they don't call because they are afraid I will ask them for money on her behalf, although, I never have. It's a sad situation.
as far as caring for mom, be careful what you wish for. I'm an only. I answered to no one re mom's care. I carried that "burden" (absolute freedom) until she passed. Stick around. Read posts about siblings who ARE involved.
You MAY want to thank your lucky stars.