I quit my job almost four years ago and have been her 24/7 caregiver ever since; have four sibs; one helps, watches her when I get groceries; no one else will help and I have asked many, many times. Mom is getting to where nothing is left of the person she used to be; she is now angry, verbally abusive, short tempered. I have PTSD (childhood incident), depression and anxiety. I am at the end of my rope, but my savings have long since been depleted and we cannot afford to pay for help. At times I feel as though I will literally go crazy, it is a never ending heartbreak to see my Mom slowly slip away from me. Any ideas for us? Thanks.
Here is one source on Miller trust; it is exactly what your situation needs: You put the excess income into an irrevocable trust and thereby qualify for Medicaid. You put the excess income into an irrevocable trust and You can Google Miller Trust and your state for more specifics. It sounds like you already have POAs and all the critical paperwork ilned up, I remember when that was all unfamiliar turf to me in my journey with my parents; I'm a physician and people kept thinking I should know everything but I can assure you I didn't, and not just because I'm in pediatrics; when its your own family you just can;t see it the same way. Big hugs, and if you don't mind you could let us know what you find out and how it goes...
Why haven't you set up a caregiver contract between you and mom? Get the name of an eldercare attorney from the Money and Legal tab at the top. Se one tomorrow.
Everything that you've done so far is water under the bridge. Now you know differently, so take some action.
No nursing home is perfect. Neither is any school. We send our loved ones to both because the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. If all the nhs in El Paso are bad, perhaps you should investigate the ones that are closer to where siblings live, or in a suburb not too distant from you.
You sound as though you are too tired to think straight. Someone needs to relieve you and soon.
If you have been able to provide her with the best care up until now, that is commendable and fortunate. When it reaches the point where the best care can no longer be provided by one individual in a private home, then I think it is still your duty as a loving daughter to arrange the situation so she can get the best care. And that is probably in a care center of some kind.
You say she does not qualify for Medicaid. Have you researched that thoroughly? Consulted an attorney who specializes in Elder Law? If she has too many assets and/or too much income to qualify for financial help, then those assets and income should be used to maximize the quality of her care. This absolutely includes regular respite for you and in-home help. And, it seems to me, probably eventually if not now, a placement where she can get professional care.
It is absolutely heartbreaking to see a loved one slipping away. My husband died at home, after a 10-year journey with dementia. My mother is now in a nursing home, also with dementia. But even while we are heartbroken we need to do the best we can to think objectively about what will result in the maximum quality of care.