A non family member is interfering in my mothers life. She has no regard for the family decisions. She has become involved and has been asked to not interfere.
There is no abandonment of family but this individual thinks we are not doing "What Would Jesus Do"?
She is causing problems for the family and my mother but just won't stop. Can anything be done to have this person stop interfering?
Ask the SW at the AL what THEIR plan is for your mom; what are they suggesting as her next placement. You will cooperate with them in calling places that they suggest, but you are far away. The idea of a geriatric care manager looks really good to me from where I sit. WWJD? Is this "friend" suggesting that you should take mom home with you? Or give up your life to come and live with mom where she is? As I suggested above, you could find a facility in your home town and move mom, but it sounds like mom needs 24/7 care.
If she is physically entering your mom's premises without permission, then law enforcement should be involved. This would also apply to harassing phone calls and attempts to visit. A restraining order could be obtained.
Since I do not live in the same state as my mother I can't be there as much as she thought I could. Hence this person began to visit more. My mother was asked to leave the AL. She will be evicted in about a week. I guess to this person she thought she could do more for my mother than I could and begin to look for a place without even talking to me. Hmm WWJD?
When it became clear to us that mom was no longer able to live in Independent Living or a regular AL (she'd had a stroke, had some dementia, was paranoid) it ALSO became clear to us that she needed to be close, geographically, to one of her caregiving children. Formerly, we were each at least an hour away from her and thus any ER she would be taken to. Even in these days of electronic medical records, ER personnel continue to ask the demented and stroked out patient questions like "do you have Diabetese?", to which my mom inevnitably answers yes (my dad had diabetes, or maybe she's just trying to be agreeable. You havev no idea how hard it is to get insulin stopped, once it's started!) We researched Memory care units and NHs in each of our areas. The best options were near my middle brother, in Connecticut, so that's where she is.
My point is, at a certain point in this journey, you can't do this stuff long distance. Moving your mom is going to be traumatic for all involved, but if she's being evicted, it's inevitable, isn't it? Are there memory units near where you live that would be appropriate? Can you hire a geriatric care manager near where she is to take over the day to day management of her care? This is something that worked out great for my cousins; it kept the family drama to a minimum. It sounds like the "friend" may either have a limited understanding of your mom's dementia and the need to keep her safe, or maybe has some dementia herself? WWJD? Do remember the anger over the moneychangers in the Temple? I think that's what he'd do. Get really angry over something that was so wrong. Is this lady trying to burn down your mom's "home"? And that of others as well? That would certainly make Jesus angry. Tell her that, from me!
No one to my knowledge can get her to submit to a psychiatric evaluation. Believe me they have tried. She refuses. In fact she refuses even the food at the AL. That got her into trouble when the fire department was called when she tried to cook. I guess it was the last thing that she felt she had some control over. My heart goes out to her loosing control but it happens. For the time being I will retain POA until I am replaced or the drama becomes too much. Case Manager has been contacted. It is time for some professional help.