Dad died 2009. We had excellent parents and they just don't help they barely visit, they r mad because years ago my parents made me POA of all there business and told me not to share the info with them its in writing. I think thats why they won't come. And I'm the only girl. But my parents told me you are the most responsible. It makes me sad and angry.
Reach out to them, see what happens. If they reply that they can't make it for a visit then move on. At least you will have tried. Let them stew in resentment and anger while you get past it and stop letting it affect how you feel.
I'm sure you've told your siblings that your parents requested that you not share the details of the POA with anyone. I have to wonder why your siblings are upset with you? You're just doing what your parents asked. If your siblings should be upset with anyone I would think it would be with your parents and not you.
I understand your sadness and anger at the situation. Try to mend fences with your siblings, be the bigger person and reach out to them since they won't reach out to you. If they continue to stew in all of this and keep their distance at least you will have tried.
It is so stressful and hard when you feel like you are the only one "holding the bag". Elderly parents can be so "cagey" about sharing financial details. Is the situation such that you could extend an "olive branch" to your siblings and give them a report of what is really going on? Ask them to come over during Thanksgiving weekend? From their perspective, they might feel like you are keeping secrets and of course that would make them defensive towards you.
All I am trying to say is that sometimes it IS healthy for families to be open about things even if the parents were very closed up people. Might be worth a try.
I think you need to make peace with the way your life is instead of fantasizing about how it could be.
Sibling relationships are so often fractured either before, during or after caregiving. Sometimes they're just not repairable, and sometimes it's best to just look at the situation realistically and dispassionately, then move on. You can't change other people.
I would also ask what it is that you want from your siblings, and if there's any likelihood you'll get that. If not, be thankful that you've provided care when necessary, recognize that your siblings have their own issues, and remember in the long run that you were the one who stepped up when the need existed.
If you feel you need some validation from them, that's an entirely separate issue.
Accepting other people's limitations and how they affect us is so often a challenge in life, made especially more so when caregiving obligations aren't shared among siblings.
Remind them about her birthday and suggest what they can give her. Even if it is just a phone call, it will brighten her day.
Is she paying 1/2 of the maintenance costs?
What provisions did the Will provide as to paying off the house and/or sharing it with your sister?
I feel as though something's missing in the steps that were taken after your mother's death.
I remember reading on the forum here where a parent had their son be the financial power of attorney even those he had a history of not being able to handle his own money, but the parents wouldn't choose the daughter who was an Accountant. That was just how it was, stereotypical thinking only males know how to take care of money. And only females know how to take care of people.
Glad the newer generations are being cross-trained.
And I can see where your brothers would be upset that you weren't giving out information, even though your parents told you not to. I would try to mend those bridges and start handing out bits and pieces of what is going on with Mom.