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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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Of course it's normal. Most of us want to deny there's anything wrong with us and a problem like hers lets her forget it anyhow. Learn more about the disease...it's likely to get worse and you need to be prepared.
My husband not only denied that there was anything wrong with him, he also accused our doctor of not knowing what he was talking about Our dr was very open and straight forward about the diagnosis - moderate to severe alz and when we left my husband had a temper tantrum and refused to see the dr again.
It's absolutely normal. You have to remember that when you have problems with your memory, you don't remember that you have problems remembering stuff! My mom can't remember anything but is constantly telling us (about every 10 minutes, it seems) that she can still do everything she wants to do. You will need to be very patient and not argue with her because even if she did accept the diagnosis, she won't realize how bad her short-term memory really is.
Both my parents went through a period of denial; as Vegaslady notes, it's VERY common and almost expected. Their generation very much relies on the authority of physicians, so in both cases it helped to remind them that they had an official diagnosis. When they would deny their memory loss, I would remind them that "your doctor has made a diagnosis of mild dementia," and let them process the information over and over again. Eventually, the denials tapered off, although my Dad still likes to say there's nothing wrong with him. Now it has become a bit humorous, even for them, and if you can get to that point, it's a bit of a relief. Hang in there, Vicky54! Of course, it might NOT be dementia or Alzheimer's, so you'll want to be sure that your mother has the right diagnosis. Memory loss can also be a result of stroke and/or head injury, among other things...
My mom accused the neighbor sneaking into the house and taking things. Things she had hidden somewhere in the house. Took me awhile to figure this out.
Denial is very common among those who are having memory problems. Often they don't remember what they have forgotten. Then they often deny what they had said or promised-even the day before. Right now I am having this problem with my SO about very important topics, including moving. For me, forgetting is a significant problem--how can one plan when dealing with someone who doesn't remember what they said yesterday. I have considered recording significant conversations, so that my SO can't deny or go back on what he said. Then I wonder if a court would recognize his decisions as decision with his degree of memory impairment. One of 95 year old clients simply says "I don't remember," when asked about her past. But she "forgets" that her younger son visits everyday or that her DIL orders her food or arranges for her apartment to be cleaned or makes sure that she has clean clothes. She claims, with a good deal of anger, that she has to do these tasks herself.
If a person feels he or she is becoming forgetful and wants to schedule an appointment with an Alzhiemer's facility, the facility always ask for the person to be accompanied by someone who knows the person well . We worry we'll, but we cannot diagnose a memory problem accurately ourselves. When we recognize a problem with a parent or a spouse, we have to understand a few things. 1. There are 10 signs of early dementia. Look them up. 2. Your relationship has shifted. You are o longer the child/spouse, you have become a caregiver. 3. Caregivers need to remove their personal feelings from caring for a person whose short term mEmory and reasoning skills have diminished. 4. Reduce your expectations of receiving anything from the person to zero. Concentrate on keeping the person content and comfortable. 5. Ask for help from family and the community. You will have problems trying to do this yourself.
I have found that even though my parents don't appear to have dementia, they often deny that OTHERS might have it. I find that even in extreme cases. For example, a friend of theirs is a patient in a nursing home who has no idea where he is, he talks of people who are not present as if they are, has hallucinations, is not oriented to time and place, cannot follow any instruction as to sitting or standing, is fully incontinent and yet my parents don't think this person has dementia. They say things, like, "I'm not sure if Kenneth will be able to live alone again." Are you kidding me? They actually entertain that a person with this progression can live alone. When I suggest that dementia is a horrible thing, they say, "Well, it might not be dementia." They actually think he will return to his normal state. I don't argue with them, but man....it boggles the mind.
Denial is not a river in Egypt . My mom goes to a dementia care group where they have a rule where they don't talk about dementia, they don't bring up the fact they have dementia. What I am trying to say is that it is easier if you don't talk about dementia with your mom. You can't argue with someone who isn't well. Especially with someone who has a cognitive disability like dementia.
Take care of yourself first. This one you can't fix it is an inevitable decline and there is nothing any person or doctor can do to undo dementia. Doing other wise will drive yourself insane (I speak from experience) . I had to stomp and push my weight around at the doctors office in order for someone to listen to me and my concerns about my mom because she presents so well in the doctors office (her hair is done because I make appointments for her, she can pay her bills because I pay for them for her, she eats and bathes because I have someone do it for her etc ettc etc you get the idea. and she is young and very beautiful for her age she is only 68). I had to make an appointment without my mom for not only so the doctors would listen but so that I could speak freely with out my mother there.
Let her be in denial, enjoy the moments when you see your "old mom" somewhere in there......if only for a second. try to be patient with her like stevensmom said. Trying to convince your mom will only make you both frustrated.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
So yes, it's very common and probably the norm. Having someone admit it would be the unusual thing!
For me, forgetting is a significant problem--how can one plan when dealing with someone who doesn't remember what they said yesterday. I have considered recording significant conversations, so that my SO can't deny or go back on what he said. Then I wonder if a court would recognize his decisions as decision with his degree of memory impairment.
One of 95 year old clients simply says "I don't remember," when asked about her past. But she "forgets" that her younger son visits everyday or that her DIL orders her food or arranges for her apartment to be cleaned or makes sure that she has clean clothes. She claims, with a good deal of anger, that she has to do these tasks herself.
We worry we'll, but we cannot diagnose a memory problem accurately ourselves.
When we recognize a problem with a parent or a spouse, we have to understand a few things.
1. There are 10 signs of early dementia. Look them up.
2. Your relationship has shifted. You are o longer the child/spouse, you have become a caregiver.
3. Caregivers need to remove their personal feelings from caring for a person whose short term mEmory and reasoning skills have diminished.
4. Reduce your expectations of receiving anything from the person to zero. Concentrate on keeping the person content and comfortable.
5. Ask for help from family and the community. You will have problems trying to do this yourself.
Take care of yourself first. This one you can't fix it is an inevitable decline and there is nothing any person or doctor can do to undo dementia. Doing other wise will drive yourself insane (I speak from experience) . I had to stomp and push my weight around at the doctors office in order for someone to listen to me and my concerns about my mom because she presents so well in the doctors office (her hair is done because I make appointments for her, she can pay her bills because I pay for them for her, she eats and bathes because I have someone do it for her etc ettc etc you get the idea. and she is young and very beautiful for her age she is only 68). I had to make an appointment without my mom for not only so the doctors would listen but so that I could speak freely with out my mother there.
Let her be in denial, enjoy the moments when you see your "old mom" somewhere in there......if only for a second. try to be patient with her like stevensmom said. Trying to convince your mom will only make you both frustrated.
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