Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Why did she pick this lawyer? Relative? I feel you are entitled to a reason why. Why the doctor feels you shouldn't see her. Does she have family members that have requested this? She has her rights.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I was thinking that maybe she had a different doctor before she entered this place? And that, while you knew her for a long time, that other doctor knows you too and he might go and see his previous patient? Or/and he might have a talk with the current doctor to state that you suffer under the not knowing why you can 't see her and that you always did your best for her... and maybe he can also suggest you and he can visit her together...? If it is a question of "adapting during a month" to the new facility, then they should communicate it like that. But this is really no way to communicate to a prevoius caregiver....
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

GranJan & Others:

I appreciate all of your concerns. She had the will enacted, and filed in court, before all of this sordid mess started. Once the disease was diagnosed, she could not change her will; medical directives, etc.

I've discussed this with an attorney and he has had experience with these issues. He said that I will be spending a LOT of money with likely only a one or two percent chance of winning visitation rights. Plus, her guardian/attorney can have continuance after continuance in court to run up my legal bills. After all, I am not married to her or a blood relative.

Nor does it seem to matter that I'm the executor of her estate along with her sister.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Maybe the sister can help your visitation even if you go with her - the fact you are executor of her will should put you in some sort of standing - this means she had a long & durable relationship with you & you are not 'Joe Blow' off the street -

Ask that a FULL reason for your exclusion be given in writing & that the fact you are not family or married should not exclude you ............. however given new laws etc maybe you could claim 'partnership' which sometimes doesn't mean that separate addresses are an exclusion - check this out this way -

FYI as executor I think you have a right/duty to know she is maintained to the standard she expressed to you at an earlier date when you did a casual conversion about this - hint ... hint

Maybe lawyer has her in substandard facility or one that will only answer to him so that he benefits monitarily in some way - check it out for her sake as much as your clear concious
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

moecam

I received a certified letter that I am NEVER allowed to visit her and the staff/security has orders not to let me in...period. That rules out going with her sister who hasn't seen her in two years. Lots of compassion from her, huh? Facility is brand new and five star. Guardian could still be getting kickbacks from the facility and "recommends" his patients there.

Guardian will not respond any longer to me and told me he doesn't have to respond to me since I no longer have any standing. I hope he and everyone in his family winds up with Alzheimer's someday. God acts in strange ways.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Some thoughts:
#1 The Alzheimer's patient has gone down hill.
#2 Possible erring of the facility
#3 Speak to the director
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I experienced a somewhat similar situation. My experience tells me to FOLLOW THE MONEY or possibly someone's incorrect assumption they can gain access to her estate. This will tear you down emotionally, spiritually and physically unless you make peace with the reality of your situation. I find it unlikely that your friend said negative things about you that would rise to the level of barring you from visitation. Please don't exhaust yourself by
spending money fighting City Hall. I would pursue options mentioned in previous posts. After the experience with my neighbor I eventually received a call from her "long lost" family apologizing for the misunderstanding and thanking me for my help with Margaret. They were told lies by a lady I contacted to ask advice about Margaret's situation. I bet you'll eventually find out who caused this. Always remember that you did the very best you could. That's all that can be asked of you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

HuckFinn30: When I reread your post, one thing jumped out at me: The POA attorney had the AUDACITY to inform you that your long-time lady friend was admitted to an Alzheimer's unit VIA AN EMAI! HOW UNPROFESSIONAL AND DISHEARTENING! TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Shelly1027 & Llamalover 47:

I really, really appreciate the very kind comments you have made today regarding this situation. Shelly may be right on all counts. I think I must come to peace with the whole situation. I believe that the majority of ALZ folks are in a living h*ll and don't know it. I would rather have anything, and I mean anything, than that.

For example, my dad had 12 brothers and sisters. All have died of various forms of cancer. All I could reason and talk about old times until the end. Perhaps not the last two weeks of their lives, but for long periods. That is why God created morphine, dilaudid, opiods, etc. At least you can knock the pain back if you still have your mind.

Most ALZ patients die due to aspiration from eating or pneumonia -- as part or separately from the disease. Again, give me cancer any time over ALZ. Not that I'm ready to go now by any means.

All I know is that I have had many friends and family members tell me that you did everything you could for her the last two years. I wore myself out looking after her. I'm mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. As bad as I hate to say it, she is exactly where she needs to be.

However, the way it went down left a lot to be desired. Yes, I could say four letter words and keep letting it eat at me. It will not change the disease for the only woman that I've ever truly loved more than anyone except my mother.

Again, thanks to the two of you for your kindness and thoughts. I'm glad, or actually disheartened, to know that I'm not the only one going through this. However, each case is unique and this one would score out a 11 on a 10 point scale with 1 being low and 10 being high -- for stress and dysfunction.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

One thing you mentioned is being separated and isolated from your loved one of 20 years. Are you familiar with the abusive guardianship problem? It sounds to me like someone probably took guardianship of her and separated you from her. If you're in charge of any of her estate, don't turn it over if she assigned you as the one in charge. Get legal help and protection now! You need it, so get it. Call your state bar association and get the help you need.

Now, as for the POA situation, it sounds like someone scared you into signing over the financial matters to them, this happened to a friend of mine regarding POA of his mom. The nursing home bullied him into signing over the POA financial matters over to him, they just kept harassing him until he gave in and gave them what they wanted. I would've gotten some legal help and I would've sent a cease and desist order from my lawyer or even the judge, which is something you can probably get help with if it's not too late.

If you really didn't want to release this and your loved one really wanted you to have it, you really need to get some legal help on this one also. As long as this person was of sound mind when they set everything up, those arrangements should be protected by law, so don't back down for a bunch of big shot bullies who only want money
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I am sorry for your situation, it sounds just terrible. I do hope you will come back sometime if it is ever resolved, for better or worse, and let us know what happened with your friend in this place.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You turned over the poa? How are you still in charge otherwise? And why did you? Curious
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

He said his friend requested a new POA which was a lawyer. She had a right to revolk. He is her executor at time of her death.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Unless you have a negative impact on her they cannot forbid visitors. This is normally determined by the facility and is based on her state of mind after your visit.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

stressedinmi

The guardian has full control of her life. He is an attorney and her legal representative. If he is in "cahoots" with the facility physician, they can deny anyone access by using the excuse that she is easily agitated, blah, blah, blah.

Nobody, even family, is allowed to see her for 32 days. Doctor's order's...wink, wink, grin, grin.

You couldn't come up with a Lifetime Movie any odder than this situation. Very, very sad for everyone -- myself, her sister and her son.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

HuckFinn30: You are welcome. If my small words can help you in some way, that's what I'm here for.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Llamalover47

God bless you. There are still some good folks left in the world. Not nearly as many as 50 years ago, but some.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

HuckFinn30: Oh, thank you so much! Your statement means the world to me. As long as I have a lucid brain, I aspire to help others.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter