I'm now fed up, I have dealt with my mum's affairs for the last four years, without any help from my one sister who lives abroad, now my mum is constantly leaving me phone mesages, trying to make me feel guilty because I have not been in for the past 2 weeks, I feel now I have had enough of emotional blackmail, I also have my life, work full time how can I send pocket money in without visiting, I'm just sick of the response when I do visited. Hello Stanger, leaving messages like am I I'll? I'm now fed uo" please help!
Take Windy's advice and find ways to offer support without going to visit her. Given that she's so rude to you, I don't think it's beyond self respect to tell her the next time she makes a snide remark about leaving messages, not visiting, etc., to just very, very sweetly say something like (a) she hurts your feelings so much you don't feel comfortable visiting her any more, or (b) your doctor said that her negative comments are causing you emotional upset....just something to throw back her criticism right in her face. Play her game, but distance yourself.
Do something you CAN do that she will like, that won't bankrupt you in either time or money, or emotionally. Forget about sister, just do what works for you, and if there is any chance there is some little event or something Mom would enjoy and let you make a good memory instead of all the fussing and fuming, go for it.
She wants my phone number ...nope, got rid of it long ago ... actually just changed the number and made it unlisted as her daily screaming abusive calls drove me into a nervous breakdown 18 months ago.
When I visit I bring chocolates ... about all she'll eat ... open apple juice and bottled water and leave. She was concerned about having no cash on hand. She doesn't need it and has $300 in the office at her disposal ... I filled her coin purse. Most days she just sleeps all the time but today agitation and crazies ... there's a man who came to visit with me sleeping under her bed, wondering how her parents are (she never lifted a finger to help them and they've been dead 40 some years).
I've recently become tough and stand no nonsense from her. She's been the mother from hell my whole life. I despise her and just wish she'd die but these evil old monsters just hang on and on. Visit if you wish, ensure she is safe and cared for and get on with your life.