My mom has been in a nursing home for six weeks now. She has never adjusted and hates it. She has become violent with staff and residents. She wants me to be with her 24/7 and asks for me when I'm not there. I tried having her live with me and it became too much for me. She never wanted me out of her sight and wanted me to stop living my life to take care of her and entertain her (quit my job, have no friends or outside activities unless she liked them or felt like being involved, no day care, etc.) She even asked my husband where I was and when I was coming back every 30 seconds when I went to the grocery store and scolded me for leaving when I got home. The nursing home had to hire extra staff so she is never alone and because she has become violent, they don't have enough people to watch her all the time anymore. I have to sit with her 8.5 hours from 2 to 10:30 p.m. four to six times a week now. Sometimes I don't even get a break. I am overwhelmed and feeling like hiding under a rock. I still have my job but can't work right now so it's a matter of if they find someone to replace me before I can go back. I have always had a strained relationship with my mom but have forgiven her, but don't want to relive the dysfunction. The nursing home thinks she should be in a psych ward. She has Alzheimer's with hallucinations, delusions and bizzare behaviors. She thinks I am her sister or mother. Sometimes she remembers me as her daughter, but not very often. She is still ambulatory and yet complains of leg and foot pain because she is walking way too much. Any suggestions or just encouragement?
1. Allow you mom to have a Geriatric Psychiatric Evaluation - which would take 2 - 6 weeks depending on how long it takes to get her stabilized on medication.
2. Take your mom to a neurologist and have her put on something to control her behavior such as Risperdol.
I have some concern over the way your mother's current nursing home is handling this situation. Honestly, their doctor should know how to treat your mother and he should be trying different medications and different dosages. For example with Risperdol, you might start with the lowest dosage and see slight improvement, but then increase the dosage and have considerable improvement. Perhaps, you need to investigate other facilities for your mother. Specifically, your mother needs to be in a memory care facility. There are many of these and they are specially equipped to deal with Alzheimer's patients. I think that may be a better environment for your mother than a nursing home.
Mom needs to be evaluated and treated. After she is stable she may need a different NH. But first things first. Get her evaluated, and then get her someplace that can handle her.
Hugs to you. This is really tough.
It is OK to tell yourself that you cannot humanly do this; you are only one person and you are going to wear yourself out.
This nursing home does not sound like a good match for your mom; it seems they never should have admitted her in the first place. I would try to get her moved ASAP; even an emergency placement in a geriatric psych facility sounds like it would be safer for your mom and I think you would feel more at peace knowing she was where she could get some help.
My hope for you is that you can find a good memory care unit with the resources to truly take care of your mom. A good doctor and good staff will be very important.
Once you get her in a safer place, sit down with your husband or a good friend and think about what you are realistically able to do for your mom....how often you can visit and for how long, will you be able to take her for outings, bring her treats and surprises? Do you have others (family, friends, church) who can drop by? It sounds like your mom wants you to be the only person who does things for her, but I think you would feel better knowing that other people are there to check on things and take a little stress off your back.
Most of all...don't beat yourself up for accepting that you have done all you could do for your mom and now you need to take care of yourself. Peace and best wishes!