I always did the best I could for my mother we lived together most our lives my moms 85 yrs old I know my mother more than anyone I am her daughter I should know. I had to put my mom in a nursing home NOT cause I wanted too but I had to she got a Urinary tract infection had to go to the hospital then they kept her for 5 days then she got weak in her legs and can't walk so then she needs physical therapy It's hard for me to really take care of her when she can't walk. But I had done it before when she couldn't even walk because it was my choice i did not want her in a nursing home. It took a big toll on me cause i had to get her walking again and get her to the rest room. But every time I give a nursing home another try it's been Nursing home neglect. Now my mother is in ICU. Do not put your Family member in a Nursing home especially if they have memory loss. You know why? I don't even have to say it. Cause they take advantage of them and do what they want cause they can get away with it. If you love your mom or father don't they will for sure pass a way! My mothers been in 5 nursing homes and each one I had to pull her out and take her home with me they all just drugged them and her up they don't listen the Dr's just keep giving prescribing Meds My mother dos better without the Meds. it should only be taking when absolutely needed. And all I do is arguing with them. They don't run the nursing homes right. They should all be SHUT DOWN I have not found anyone that was good. They get money for what to kill elderly and shorten there lives More! I have to take my mother OUT and do what they couldn't do all myself as always. Now my mother is in ICU for 7 days! all cause of the nursing home my mom has NEVER NEVER been this bad she has Ammonia and a Real bad Urinary Tract Infection! from this Nursing Home! Should be ALL SHUT DOWN. Now this is something I'm going to have to live with if something happens to my mom my life will never be the same. "I am pissed angry" that there are Humans that treat and can get away with treating older people like Animals and even animals shouldn't be treated like that!!! I'm not done with these nursing homes that messed up my mother yet! I cry every day I knew inside something was wrong I could feel it. But I had surgery myself I could not be there for her have breast Cancer going on for 3 months now I have not been doing well thinking how can I care for my mother ass I needed treatment myself. I just got out of surgery when this all happened I had a drainage tube running down my chest when this all happened and now it's too late my moms in ICU. The next day after surgery I went into the nursing home Talked to the Administrator the ones all in charged crying upset about what happen to my mom. I told them they think there this place right they are Not I told them if something happens to my mom they will go down. I ripped open my shirt with the tube of blood from my chest and said This is what I been through. I counted on you all here to help me with my mother. And all I can say is what comes around goes around and one day i hope not, this might happen to you and you will all see what it feels like to be me or my mother. and I walked out.
Now my stepmother is in a SNF with advanced dementia and I am trying to walk the fine line between getting her the best possible care and not being one of "those" daughters. I think that it helps that I know how to look up the current state regulations so I know what is required and what is prohibited. I have also reviewed the reports of the facility's deficiencies in the last survey to give me an idea of what to look out for.
Also I am careful to treat the staff on the floor with respect; they do hard, dirty, and thankless jobs for less money than the work should be worth. Requests or complaints should always be made first to the person who is directly able to help. Sometimes this is the nurse, sometimes the social worker, dietary supervisor, housekeeping supervisor, etc.
I'm not saying that I'm satisfied with poor care; she needs to be kept clean, dry, and fed all the time, not just when I'm looking. I just get along better with the staff when I try to understand their point of view.
My son put in more hours with Mother when I could not. It cost Mother over $120,000 in 11 months with hospital stays, overlapping I.L. Health Care, Personal Care charges, $25.00 per hour charges for Nurses Aids to stay with her overnight when my hours were cut back. (her yearly expenses at the facility were $35,000 per year before their attempted takeover) I was drug through the mud. We got Mother to a Senior Facility in the same community as my church and a home my son and I own for over 30 years. Mother's eyes are damaged but stabilized. She can walk on her own around the apartment but for distances uses the wheel chair. She stood in church with the congregation to sing hymns this morning. She has greatly improved and in the 10 months we have been here, her mind and awareness has improved, she has not had a fall, a hospitalization or any major health problems. I am always by her side or my son or a Caretaker is with her. She started out in Assisted Living but is now in IL with permission for me and Kitty to stay with her. My Dr. in an Office in the Community advised I go to the Administrator, that he is very nice and to work that out. His Father stayed in the same facility. He had me use his name.
Mother had an outstanding 100th Birthday Party this month. We are blessed with a loving family life, friends and community. Mother, myself, kitty and my son and his wife is the most supportive family experience of our lifetime. If Mother outlives her money or gets too close to that, I would like to take her home. It could happen in 4 or 5 years. My brother, cousin and a threat made to me to make Mother a ward of the state if I ever try to take Mother home while at the rogue facility worries me. Mother wants me to stay with her for the rest of her life. Staying with her comes first. I want her to know how much Jesus loves her through my demonstrable love for her. Will be asking questions on Aging Care about future responsibilities. Thank you for this open forum.
An avocate for the patient is absolutely essential. My life was saved several times by my hubby who happens to be retired MD in a teaching hospital with a good reputation. Never will we set foot in that place again. They even tried to transfer me to a rehab facility while I was still in acute heart failure. I insisted on going home and three days later was admitted to a different hospital.
Call your State Bar Association right away.
Briefly tell them you have an elder who has been neglected in a nursing home and you need a lawyer who works on contingency. They will give you a lawyer. You call that lawyer and tell what happened like you did here. Provide any and all documents to prove the nursing home mistreated the patient. I strongly agree with you on not putting our loved ones in a nursing home if they have memory loss. I saw another patient being abused in the wing so I understand. Had that been me grab and shaking around, I would've become violent right there on the spot because as an abuse survivor, I don't tolerate abuse and I will fight back hard to make up for all the time I was abused during childhood because never again means never again! Let abusers working in nursing homes be firmly warned right here and now! There are some people who won't tolerate abuse of any kind and they will make a stink if somethings wrong and some people won't shut up and will get very loud and hateful if you try to shut them up. Some people know how to get a hold of the right channels and get you in trouble, and with video surveillance now common, you won't get away with abusing no one in those places. Tamper with the video and you'll be found out sooner or later and you'll get in trouble
Complaining does nothing. I did this in writing and in person. The result? Nothing was done, nothing changed.
Mom was mistreated in the hospital last August. I demanded in person to know why they were holding mom against her will and mine. I demanded to know what medical reason they had to keep my mom day after day. Even though I am both her medical proxy and her power of attorney...they ignored me. They were preparing her for a move to hospice! I demanded to know what medical diagnosis gave her 6 months to live. Never got a response.
After a week of this..I brought mom her clothes. She dressed herself and was half way out of the hospital before I caught up with her. Never to this day have I gotten any answers or satisfaction The next day I found deep bruises all over one side of mom's body. Never got an answer from them about what happened.
I wrote to the hospital patient advocate. I wrote to the state health department, I wrote to the state council on aging. I filed complaints with the state, the hospital, even Medicare. Not one word of explaination, not anything changed.
Never again will I allow strangers to have control of mom's care. Never again will I allow that hospital to get near my mom.
I have heard so many people say that NH are so much better now than years ago. I doubt it. From what I have seen and heard they may have remodeled to look better, but they are still a factory churning over minimum wage help and warehousing elderly.
My mom is the easiest sweetest person you could know. Never will she be cared for by strangers...and never in that situation again. I'd have to be dead before it would happen to her.
I cannot image the heartache and anger you are going through! I am upset even today at the mishandling of my Mom, and it was nothing compared to the mistreatment you and your mom suffered!
I hope you will one day be able to find some peace.
XO
If you think my case is unusual or it is this particular fac. you are wrong. Around here in this area aged healthcare is a big business. This is very very common. Caregivers speak of it daily. I still to this day wonder why ppl not having exp. NH care continue to recommend fac. for any type of patient thinking it will be better for the patient than the 1-1 provided by a loving family member. Had I not started out on this journey in 2010 spending them down for NH medicaid sold as the greatest thing since pizza & beer I would now have better financial & community resources to take him home to an accessible home. I can assure you he would never sit in urine for 5 hours unless he was sleeping & I didn't want to wake him.
Now you ask why don't I bring him home. I live in a 2 story manor style house with both showers up a flight of stairs. Nothing in a young favored city is wheelchair accessible. Truly nothing. Even my son's first floor apt. is not accessible for disabilities. Too many curbs. His condo is a 2nd floor one with no elevator. IF there were money for another abode he wouldn't be on medicaid. So they get to bill me while I am using them for room & board & basically live in there to care for him.