So the NH our mom is at for short term wants to discharge. She's under Medicaid. My place is on a second floor and isn't accessible for a walker. Also I'm not home between 7-4 and no I can't leave work as I already maxed out my family leave and am short hours to take another. The NH thinks she should not be left unsupervised, which I agree but still think it's a good idea to discharge her to my place. Yes she had been living with me. Difference is she was not physically handicapped. She could walk, use the restroom when she needed, bathe herself, dress herself, she'd walk to the park and do some yoga excercises and she could call me. She was a stroke survivor who became epileptic and thus could not drive so had to leave her job and could not afford her rent so she moved in. Now that she needs help with all this my place is no longer a safe option. The NH however won't recommend full time care because to them she only needs some assistance. Again who and how are they going to provide that some assistance. Anyone have any pointers on how to navigate this. When I told the NH SW that I can't take care of her due to time constraints she said it was my duty. Well if I don't work we're both on the street so how is that going to help matters. Also when I tell them she can come live with me when she is physically able to they tell me she might never get back to that point. When I said well if it's never what are her long term options. They said let's try two more weeks. Why try two more weeks of PT if you think she won't get better. It's very simple if she can get back to being able to walk and go up and down stairs she can live with me. If that is an absolute no go then she needs a more access friendly place.
Agree with all above in that she needs senior accessible housing and I would make the SW aware of this unsafe and not well thought out
How old is she?
If she is not, then you need to contact Medicaid about waiver programs that can provide her care in another setting, such an an adult foster care setting or AL.
You need to dig your heels in on this one. Tell the NH that it is not a safe discharge and that your mother can no longer stay with you. Call the ombudsman and explain to them what is going on. Also ask to see the PRI. That will tell you all you need to know.
Right before my mom went into the hospital and then went to rehab and stayed in the nursing home, I had been to many doctor's visits with her. They told me she could not safely live alone. I had tried to get her in home care, but she wouldn't accept it. Her primary doctor told me all I could do was wait for the next crisis and then when she went to the hospital I would have to dig my heels in and keep saying unsafe discharge. I didn't realize until it happened what he really meant by that. The hospital just wanted me to take her home and take responsibility for her. Despite multiple compression fractures from falling, they said she wasn't a candidate for rehab because she could walk 50 ft with her rollator. They said she wanted to go home and they couldn't keep her. I had to tell them okay, if you want to discharge her, go ahead. I guess call her a cab because I cannot take her home. The social worker told me, no, you have to arrange for her care. I said, what if she had no children? They said they would have to call APS and that they might put her in a nursing home. Was I okay with that? I said, it doesn't matter what I am okay with as you have just said. It only matters what my mom is okay with according to you. Good luck! I left. Two hours later I received a call that miraculously my mother WAS a candidate for rehab. Amazing.
DIG YOUR HEELS IN!!!
I saw that in the last place my father had rehab. They might also have taken less interest b/c I've heard they have their own AL associate company, but they couldn't convince him to consider AL placement. So they booted him out too early.
This rehab place used to be top notch, but it's gradually gone downhill. Now, it's the CYA attitude when it comes to discharges.
Few thoughts: can your mother stay on the first floor if you hire someone (like the small moving companies) to move her bed down? Equally as important, is there a bathroom on the first floor? Do you have a commode?
Get box fans for the first floor. They're quite powerful and can keep your mother cooler. Also find a good place for hand towels which can be moistened and placed across her head. Keep a hygrometer close by so you can monitor the humidity and heat levels (when you're home, of course).
I don't disagree with the others that you should put pressure on the staff, but the sad reality is that the balance of power isn't necessarily in your corner, and the anxiety must be frustrating for both you and your mother.
If her doctor will script for home care, that would help, but only partly and only for a while. In the meantime, start calling private duty companies to get extra help in while you're working. Ask the SW to give you lists of them as well as other facilities of a longer term nature which you can call and weed through to find some worthy of consideration. Then meet with them to discuss whether that would be a good facility for your mother to liv in.
I do agree to keep her at the facility as long as you can while you try to make other arrangements, but don't count on much help from the staff.
Those SW need to get it moving and find placement. That is what they do. Make yourself clear in that there is no discharging her to your 2nd floor. Absolutely not. Physically impossible for her to even try.
I hope your mom finds a good place that she likes and it works out. Doesn't matter how long it takes, your mom isn't going anywhere until her needs are being met.
Stay strong!
Mom told him about her fears, struggles, and limitations with going home. She also told him about how the lady (sw) had told her I needed to take care of her.
He spoke with the SW who told him she wasn't thinking about discharge. I had shown him the insurance request for 2 weeks of care. So he pressed on about what happens after those 2 weeks because patient did not feel ready to go home. She told him she would have to get the doctors notes. This was all on Monday. Come home yesterday to find an approval from insurance for full time care the request having been made on Monday.
Mom is happy that she doesn't have to worry about being alone. Or me spending out of pocket for her care. Both of which she shouldn't need to think on while she's working on recovery. But she is still a mom. She knows that if it came down to it I would quote my job and take care of her. But she said she doesn't want that for me. I'm glad they finally understood that mom and me are a team. I would not have forced her to stay had she wanted to go home, but she herself realizes she hasn't felt safer and wanted to know why she had to leave.
Did the SW tell YOU that it was your duty to care for your mom, or was that what your mom reported the SW told you?
In any event, it just goes to show that you CAN fight for what your parent needs!