VVinAshland Asked November 2022
Our first caregiver starts on Monday! Please share tips on how we can help her feel welcomed.
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Thank you for sharing your expertise with me! What supplies should we have on hand and how do we help our caregiver feel appreciated?
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Then, I have a second sheet that explains the items on the checklist. It's a little wordy, but some of the caregivers LOVE it and refer to it often. Having it on the computer allows me to easily update it when I forget things or things change.
VVinAshland: After reading your profile, I noticed that you also left your state and had to move in with your parents in their state. I had to leave my state of Maryland and move in with my mother in her state of Massachusetts.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/what-happens-on-first-day-of-home-care-154304.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/what-happens-on-first-day-of-home-care-154304.htm
https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/?cmp=KNC-BRD-MC-REALPOSS-GOOGLE-SEARCH-CAREGIVING&gclid=EAIaIQobChMInuDslIS5-wIVfhGtBh1eLgVmEAMYASAAEgJf_vD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
& allow them to put their food for the shift in the refrigerator,
thank you so much for caring, and good luck!
What's so wrong with cutting the caregiver in on the Will if they're good to your LO and your LO wants them to be?
I've been left nice sums of money on several occasions over the years by clients who put me in their Wills. I have no problem with this.
I have worked for families who did ZERO for their "loved ones". They never called, vistited, or even had a third party checking up on them.
Every one of them were waiting on that money though. A person has a right to leave their money how they want. I worked for a well off man who had AIDS. His family couldn't be bothered with him because they had a problem with him being gay. He arranged his own care and hired me himself. I adored him. He was such a beautiful person. I inherited $200,000 from his estate because he put me in his Will. The rest went to various charities that he supported, though he did leave small token amounts to his absent family members so they couldn't contest his Will.
I had no problem accepting this money and neither did the law.
I don't see why it's a problem to cut your LO's caregiver in on part of an inheritance if the person wants them to have it and they did right by them. Most of the time that caregiver is the reason why there's anything to inherit because they're keeping the LO out of a nursing home.
There's nothing wrong with a family cutting the caregiver in on the iheritance or with the client themselves amending their Will to. As long as they don't have dementia and are still making decisions for themselves.
I eventually offered care management (which I still do): managing/interviewing/hiring care providers, coordinating everything from selling house, hiring/supervising contractors, working with attorneys, and all levels of health providers... and much more. I studied dementia / brain changes with Teepa Snow on-line webinars for two years. I have a counseling background.
Set boundaries. So everyone is on the same page.
Let her know what is expected and put in writing (a list always helped me to go 'through the drill')
Wait and see how she does. She may be one to sit and look at her phone ... you do not know. Don't get ahead of yourself.
After a day or two, thank her for her service.
I used to offer them lunch - either while they are making lunch for a loved one or somehow include them. And, the socialization of eating together is healthy for your loved one.
Supplies depend on what you want / need her / him to do.
When you write out a list of 'to do's' the list of supplies will present itself.
You need to be clear on what you want a caregiver to do and then follow-up insuring that:
1) they understand and doing as you want;
2) doing it.
Ask them for feedback either during a shift or after: How is it going? How did it go? These situations change and personality matters. If your loved one clicks w the caregiver, this is a huge plus. If they do not, listen and see if you can find out why. Not all caregivers are 100% there nor have the language skills to communicate well enough or they do this work solely for the income and do not want to be doing it.
Gena / Touch Matters
Let care giver know how much u need a break and r looking forward to her service. That u really hope this works out ok and u r willing to provide anything that she needs, she should just ask u..... Ask how many different aides there will be and how communication between the aides are done, so there will be consistency of ur mom's care. Let her know something about ur mom's current and past life so aide has things to talk about with ur mother. What is working for her now.. as u r her primary caregiver u have a wealth of. Information to share with her about what works n what doesn't
Maybe it would be easier for u to write some of this stuff down so u don't have to remember to say everything.... Especially the part of ur mother's life for conversation between ur mom and aide
I'm glad you were able to immediately identify why the first caregiver was inexplicably rejected, and thus slowly ease in the replacement caregiver to avoid groundless suspicion, and to avoid an endless go-round of hiring and rejecting innocent caretakers. Kudos!
Treat people the way you want to be treated.
Realize they need period of adjustment like in any job.
Not everything is going to be perfect, people make mistakes.
Don't assume they can do extras, they are not maids.
The most important thing is safety of your LO.
Give them benefit of doubt.
I do have this lady who I was thinking will be annoying, because she is quite bossy, so am I, so is my husband, but, then I realized she is extremely caring and means well. So if she gives my husband some instructions, I just have a little chuckle at her bossiness.
We don't need full time help, but, I already hinted if she will be willing if needed. She is in mid 50s needs to work several more years. I know I can rely on her! She is even right now willing to come anytime day or night.
Build good relationship with people, so they stay. Nothing is more important than relief from stress and having good people behind you.
I do always say to anybody to help themselves to anything to eat, drink. I have no problem with that at all.
As it is our home and we are relaxed people, it is nice if everybody feels like that.
When I say EVERYTHING I mean everything. You can show, you can explain but if it is not in writing and she forgets something and you are not around what does she do?
Emergency info.
Your number
A secondary number
How to get hold of Emergency Services if 911 is not in your area.
Your address. I know sounds stupid but if she is calling from a cell phone and your area does not have "enhanced 911 service" the call may be bounced around before she gets the proper dispatch. And in a panic may not remember your address.
If your loved one is on Hospice no need to call 911 make sure she is aware of that and have the Hospice number handy.
If there is the use of equipment or the need for a gait belt make sure she knows how to use it properly.
Make sure all the supplies are in an area where they are accessible.
Extra of everything.
What does your loved one like to do? Is there anything that the caregiver can do to engage your loved one.
If your loved one is napping what do you want the caregiver to do? laundry? light housecleaning? make a bed?
If you are going to allow the caregiver to eat lunch did they bring it or are you providing? if they brought a lunch is there a place they can keep it? refrigerator?
And if this is the first time they are meeting your loved one you might want to stick around for at least part of the day and make sure both are comfortable. don't step in and do anything unless you have to let the caregiver do what she has been hired to do, just be available.
Everything from wages to time off has already been thoroughy discussed and agreed upon? Also what the plan is if the caregiver gets sick or injured and cannot care for your parents for a time? Are they allowed to have friends or family visit in your parents home? Is the caregiver allowed to leave the house for periods of time to go to the store or run an errand? This is important and must be discussed.
Your profile says that you've taken family medical leave to care for your parents and that it's coming to an end. If the caregiver you hired is going to be a live-in and you move back to your home, they will be the one living alone in the house with your parents.
Don't knit-pick. Don't mention her cellphone. Check in with your parents by phone once a day. If you are unable to, have someone local checking in on them regularly. In some places, the police will even do wellness checks on elders and invalids living at home with caregivers.
Supply the house with the items your parents need. If you want to get special things for the caregiver, ask them to make a list for you.
You can make the caregiver feel welcome by upholding your end of the employment contract. Wages on time and in full. Time off as discussed. All necessary items for your parents' care needs in good stock. Daily calls. Make yourself available so the caregiver can call you if they need to.
The caregiver is coming to augment my care so I can take a break once a week. 😁
Keep the lines of communication open, and let them know when they're doing a good job.
Dad liked TV dinners and his 1st shift caregiver was thrilled with that as she didn't like to cook, which was ok. So I kept the freezer stocked. Dad's weekend 1st shift caregiver loved cooking so she would make extra at her home and bring it to Dad, plus leave extra in the refrigerator so Monday's caregiver could just heat it up. She and her sisters would make cookies and other home make treats for "Mr. Bob" [my dad].
First week the 1st shift caregiver was there, she noticed Dad's vacuum wasn't picking up the dust bunnies, and she turned the vacuum over and noticed the brushes weren't going around. She insisted on bringing her own vacuum for the days she cleaned as she didn't want Dad to purchase a new vacuum. Now I wonder how many years my parents were using that vacuum and not noticing it wasn't working correctly :P
Dad did notice that the 2nd shift caregivers, if they were in their 20's and 30's tend to be glued to their cellphones but Dad didn't mind because it was difficult to find anything in common to talk about anyway. Dad's weekday 1st shift and weekend 1st shift were mature caregivers in their 50's, which worked out best for him.
Be clear and brief in your expectations of things, and about your loved one. Perhaps a brief write up on your loved one's habits and foibles. Ask that any problems be reported to you at once so that they can be addressed. Tell the caregiver you will touch bases in a week with him or her about any questions that may have arisen out of care giving.
Just a few basics. We have on Forum seem a couple of instances where people got too close, and where the caregiver overstepped bounds of caregiving into being "almost family". This caused discomfort at best and real trauma at worst. So stay a bit professional, imho and I sure wish the best for you. If you notice any problems let us know here.
More important than what supplies to have on hand is the interpersonal and care giving aspects of the job. Is the caregiver from an agency or hired privately? If from an agency, how well trained are they and what are they trained in? In either case, you (and/or whoever has been providing care up until now) should be prepared to spend at least the first day, and possibly several days, orienting the person about your loved one's needs and routines, their likes and dislikes, things that make them happy and things to avoid. Treating the new caregiver as a partner is one way to show respect. Hopefully this will be an experienced caregiver, and you should be open to learning new things from them that will help you in your own caregiving. As to supplies, I don't see that there would be any additional supplies needed unless the caregiver has some requests or recommendations. Many (most?) caregivers use gloves for certain tasks, so you may want to see if they bring their own gloves, provided by the agency, or if they would like you to have them on hand. If you are going to provide them, ask what type and size gloves they prefer. The same goes for masks. Our agency caregivers always wore masks (this was as recently as this past June, when my husband passed away) so if you want your caregiver to be masked you might want to have a supply of high quality N95 masks for them. Especially if the caregiver has more than one client, I would be more comfortable if they were masked as there are a lot of illnesses besides Covid that are still very prevalent. Is your caregiver going to be doing any household chores along with caregiving? If so, are there cleaning or disinfecting products and supplies they prefer and think are good? If you are in agreement with these, you might want to buy them in place of or in addition to what you currently use. Our agency caregivers were expected to do light housekeeping, and in fact did way more than that as my husband didn't a lot other than help with showering and dressing and some meals. They cleaned, did laundry (for both of us), did dishes, etc. We were very lucky in having hard-working caregivers who were also lovely companions for my husband (he had Parkinson's but no dementia and was a very "easy" client).
Will this person be in the home during mealtime? This was the most awkward for my Aunties. I would let the aid know when the best time for their lunch break would be and where this can happen. Show them the fridge and where to put their food/drinks. Show them how to use the microwave.
Help the aid learn what you've found helpful in dealing with your parents' needs and schedule. Be open to a differrent approach by the aid.
Let the aid know that *when they take a break* they can check their phone, It drives me nuts to see aids distracted and checked out with their phones while they're supposed to be tending to the people who are paying them an hourly wage. I get that it can be boring sometimes. Therefore, give the aid ideas for activities for your parents or "light housekeeping" tasks.
Make sure the bathroom they are designated to use does not have any prescription drugs kept in it. Make sure there is no access to your parent's private and sensitive info or cash/valuables. Keep your parents' purse and wallets hidden or locked up. Same goes for any jewelry. Theft from caregivers is mostly a crime of opportunity, so don't give them any.