My 74yr old aunt suffers from dementia and end stage renal disease. My mother is POA for my aunt however she suffered 2 massive strokes in January. My mother's right side is paralyzed, is unable to speak and has been bed bound since, therefore, I started taking care of my aunt by default. She had home health provider to assist her with her daily needs. I'm a single mother of 2 and ran out of benefits at my job due to taking a leave of absence when my mother had her strokes. I ended up having to place my mother in s nursing home for rehabilitation because my mother required around the clock assistance and as an only child, it was too much for me without family assistance. My aunt's end stage renal disease situation got a little difficult and I had many absences and was getting close to losing myjob. (Exhausted benefits) I thought leaving my job was going to mange my home situation easier better, however it is not. My aunt's dementia has progressed and it's as if I have another child. Crying, screaming, cursing, plus telling people I treat her bad. Many of her nurses and doctors know how she is, and I personally don't care, because I know I've been doing everything in my power to care for my mother, my aunt, and my children, but I'm afraid of getting in unnecessary problems because of things she says. I have no support from my aunts or uncle, however they refuse to place her in a nursing home. I have made many sacrifices to do what's best but I'm a 31 yr old single mother with a 12 & 9yr old that's exhausted. What can I do? Please help me!!
You've got to get help for yourself. And I'll tell you what, it is NOT FAIR to your two kids to live in that mayhem . . . your attention diverted 24/7 to your aunt . . . your fuse significantly shortened with THEM. That's not the life you promised them; and not the life they deserve.
Mom's in a nursing home. Sounds like that's exactly where she belongs. Great move. See her twice a week -- bring the kids once -- and know that you're doing all you can for her.
Your aunt? Get her out of your house. You don't need to leave a job to care for her. She has siblings, if I understand it. There are others who should be shouldering the burden. You've taken on too much.
Your heart of gold is doing you in. You cannot do this alone.
Let them rant and rave and take care of her the best they can. What would they have done had your Mother not been able to care for her? When your Mother got ill the Aunt should have gone elsewhere. Call them tonight if you can....just get out of there. Your one and only responsibility is to your children!
God bless!
The only additional point I wonder about is your aunt's home health provider. Well, somebody there is under contract to support your aunt: would that person have more luck getting her other siblings in line than you have had? I'd give them a ring and see if they had any help or advice to offer.
Actually, there is another important point: your mother's POA for your aunt. What's happening with that? Clearly she can no longer fulfil those responsibilities, so you'd better get hold of the documentation and see what needs to be done.
Big hug. Grit your teeth, get your aunt squared away, and then at least you'll be able to stand still for long enough to think about how best to get your life back on track. Single parenthood on its own is plenty for one plate! Best of luck to you.
Im up all night at times with granpa or my son, or just me..then cant sleep the next day because again, taking care of grandpa, attempting to clean my home ( two homes) its a never ending cycle of going downhill. The others are right, your Aunt should be in a NH or with other relatives. Sure its easy to say what they want when they dont help! I get it! Dont dont dont end up like me.. keep that job full force and visit with your family and keep you and your kids sane and happy now! Im in a rut, trying to climb back to life... please trust me and be strong now, dont get guilt and the longer it goes on the harder it gets.... . You can do this! Hugs
Regarding POA's, I thought all POA's had more than one person listed.... mine has 4 people listed.... the first name is my primary POA and if anything happens to him, then the next person on the list becomes my POA, and if anything happens to that person, then the next, and the next. I had my POA's drawn up by an Elder Care attorney.
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