Don't know what to do. Mom in early 90s. Been through heart surgery, breast cancer, tumble down stairs that involved months in rehab. She is now becoming more forgetful by the day. She blames me for hiding everything she misplaces. She has always been angry and paranoid during her life, but now out of control.
Physically, she is mobile but in a fair amount of pain. Car was disabled long ago.
I can't take care of her. I can't watch her 24x7, even though I live with her now. Her medicines are gone and we can't find them.
What do you do when it reaches this point?
- under towels in linen cupboard
- under shelf paper lining
- in yesterday's news paper - shake it before discarding
- behind drawers
- under cushions on sofa
- between mattress & box spring
- garbage cans especially where there is paper but all of them
- pockets of jackets
- sugar bowls, teapots, coffee pots
Despite repeatedly looking for my mom's ID, I didn't find any until she was in NH for over 3 years & then it was by chance - I tossed it on the bed by my purse when she wasn't looking & took it to a much safer place - by then she forgot about & never asked about it
we are having to go to court to get guardianship. Who knows what will happen between now and then! Get her in a safe place where you can be her advocate. It does not get better.
for our family, dementia has turned our Dad into a hateful, evil man —I know he is terrified and believes the things he imagines are real, but this new stage is pure evil!
Don’t wait until things are out of control!
What I have found is this: I am the Bad Guy and I accept that role. Someone HAS to take on that role with the elderly. The Bad Guy insists that mother is cared for properly, even when she Promised she'd never place mother in a Care Community. Because the Bad Guy realizes that such a promise was made in Good Times, before mother became demented and started to wander, fall down stairs, get progressively angrier and angrier, and generally experience pain all the time. The Bad Guy does The Right Thing, even when mother protests loudly and plays the Guilt Card HARD. The Bad Guy keeps an even temperament and knows that what she's doing is in her mother's best interest, and goes to sleep each night with a clear conscience.
Be the Bad Guy and do the Right Thing for Mom. She'll be fine & so will you.
Can someone come in and help out? If so for how long and how many days a week?
Is placing her in a Memory Care facility a possibility?
Is there a possibility that she will have to go on Medicaid? If so begin the process now and in looking for facilities look for one that will be able to keep her if and when she does go on Medicaid.
Have you talked to her doctor about the paranoia, anger? Is it caused my a UTI? Medication interaction or if she is not taking her medications properly that can be a cause.
And if she is paranoid, and angry is there a possibility that she could become violent? If so your safety is important and placement may be an only option if it comes to your or her safety
On the missing meds—has anyone else been in the house lately? Did your mom handle her own meds before, or did you give them to her daily? If it was a couple of bottles, check under beds, furniture, etc. If it was a bunch more bottles, that’s really weird. Could your mom have thrown them away in the trash without you seeing and you took out the trash??
I, myself, am just finding out how difficult elderly parents can be, especially when they were difficult already. It just progresses.
Hugs go and good luck! I hope the missing meds turn up.
Are you the only child?
Best of luck!!!