his wife just suffered a stroke and will be living with her daughter - which leaves dad alone and he refuses to move. He is unable to care for himself (he suffered a stroke last year and has dementia) I leave in a few days and want to know what to prepare myself for prior to getting there. I have to make a decision he cannot stay by himself and would require full time healthcare at his home - do I have any legal rights - or what can I do? he is unable to pay bills , dial a phone , or feed himself.
One thing that you will need to do is make sure his advanced directives are in place. Do you have financial and medical POA? From what you write, it sounds like he may need someone as POA or guardian. I hope that everything falls in line when you get there. I don't envy you your trip, but I am glad you are going.
While insurance does not cover the HHA services, and they can mount up really quickly, there are services available to people on Medicaid assistance and who are veterans or wives of veterans if they have less than I think it is $80K in assets.
1st: If he does not have POA or guardianship: get a lawyer.
2nd: Dad will need a needs assessment (as noted above)
3rd: If you do not have POA: have your lawyer help you through the process of going to court for a POA. VA & OH do not have a reciprocal agreement thus you may have to physically move your dad to your state on the ruse of a visit. Have your lawyer push the process as quickly as possible.
4th: Once you have decided what to do with dad (I brought my mil to live with me.) The best way that I found was to have a ruse that it will be in her best interest to stay, which I am sure your dad will figure out quickly.
5th: In the meantime, find a doctor, dentist, etc. in your area.
I had an absolutely a nightmare of a year working this out with my mil. I wish you a much easier and positive experience. I would like to write a book explaining each step in detail because it caused so much pain and effort to figure out each step.