I provide live-in care for my mom and she's worried about running out of money. Our banker told us to cut our outside help in half so we're saving thousands that way. She agreed a long time ago to pay me and now that I work double the hours it's important that she continue.
We're bringing on a live-in caregiver on weekends (cheaper) to provide me respite. Last weekend I took a vacation. Now she's accusing me ahead of time of spending all my money this coming weekend just because I have the time off. She said if i do, she'll "take it away." I am proud of myself because i could have yelled at her but I left the room and told her i'm not having this conversation with her right now.
I'm in therapy so I don't have angry reactions to this kind of nonsense when she pushes these buttons. I just want the buttons to go away, or for her to just die already.
I'm sick of the abuse.
Set boundaries with mom, Just because she pays you doesn't mean she has a right to belittle or question you. She may feel alone or is afraid of losing you and she may be afraid. You did a great job of not being verbally abusive to her after her comments. I like the above comment from gladimhere, an elder law attorney could prove very helpful. good luck
What's the plan for three years from now? Medicaid and a nursing home?
What's your plan for three years from now if she goes on medicaid and into a nursing home?
What's your plan for after she is dead?
While you can't change or fix her, you can change yourself by putting yourself on a healthier path regardless of what she does. To do this, I recommend three steps.
1. Read this article.
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/power-of-emotional-blackmailers-176430.htm
2. Find yourself a job and tell your mother that since she has the money that she can hire her own help, but you will not longer be subject to her.
3. Keep meeting with your therapist so that you can stay strong in your boundaries and keep living your own life in a healthier manner without the emotional abuse for mom.
Good luck. Come back and keep us posted.
Stay strong. You earn that money, every red cent.