My sibling and I are account holders with her and also co-owners of her assets. Within the last week, she has been admitted to a hospital, then a care center and then back to the hospital. She will most likely be going back to the care center. I think this is going to be a revolving door of admissions. Every time she is admitted to the hospital they ask about the POA. She gets very angry and refuses to sign the paperwork. Do I just let it go and whatever will be will be?
As far as financial the same would happen. A Guardian would be appointed. Again if all agree that is should be one then that is the person that would be appointed. If not everyone agrees the Court appointed Guardian would then take over financial responsibilities.
If mom is cognizant explain to her that if she does not appoint someone the Court would appoint someone and it might or might not be a family member. As long as she can make decisions now is the time to do so. Same with any Health Care Directives (POLST or other document detailing what measures she wants taken)
Try pointing out that assigning power of attorney doesn't mean she's giving up control over her medical decisions while she's still competent enough to make them. It's for when she isn't capable (unconscious after surgery, for example, not just with dementia), and you'd think she might want you and your siblings to make those decisions rather than some faceless bureaucrat.
As someone else said, a little scare tactic might not be out of line, but certainly make sure she actually understands what power of attorney does and does not do, and ask her what her concerns are about it.
Heck, my husband and I are only 60 and in perfectly find health, and we've already assigned POA to our son in the event we were in an accident and were unable to make our own decisions. EVERYONE, regardless of age, should have a power of attorney ready to go.
It might be better for you and your sister to talk with your mom about POAs: what they cover, how they are used, what happens without one.... The local lawyer will probably be able to point you to some easy to understand information. When mom understands, then set up an appointment for her with one or both of you. Decide in advance who is the sole or primary person for each POA - legal/financial and legal/medical.
In my case, I have 2 sisters. My mom decided to give me the medical POA since I live closest to her. One sister has financial POA. The other sister is executor of her estate per her will.
We have contacted the 2nd sister and told her she needs to go to the lawyer meeting while she's out here visiting. After reading your comments I realize we should demand to be present as well.
I trust the sister overall, but her refusal to include or even share information is insulting and possibly illegal. Wish me luck!
For instance, if the issue is being afraid she'll lose ability to make decisions, would it help to sit down and discuss how the PoAs can be written so that she makes all the decisions (ie, it won't go into affect until she is unable to make decisions, and it can say that the PoA NEEDS to follow whatever wishes laid out in the document)? Is she still able to read and looking over a template would help her see what it's about and all the options she can use?
And as others suggest, explaining, "if this happens and you have no PoA, then these people could end up making decisions for you, not us" could also help.
It's optimistic sometimes to think more info will help, but without knowing why she's saying no, it's hard to get her to yes.
Also, explain to her that if she chooses not to sign a POA then if something happens and she is unable to make her own decisions then you and your siblings will not legally have any input as to what happens to her. You should know her wishes as POA and can ensure that her wishes are honored.
A POA always has to act in the best interest of the person they serve. It sounds to me like your mom just needs to know you know her wishes and as POA will make sure her wishes are honored.
Use a lawyer when doing a POA.
Make sure Mom understands that if she isn't able to communicate her needs and there is no paperwork, decisions will be made by strangers. She can put everything in writing in advance (living will) as well as POA so you will do what she wants (advanced directive).
If Mom can't understand this it may be time to get her evaluated for dementia.
A better strategy may be to get mom to tell to doctors, hospitals, banks, utility companies, etc. that she authorizes you to converse with them to understand details and handle the paperwork. You also become the email contact. The only thing it doesn’t do is let you usurp mom’s decisions - and if she’s competent, you really don’t have that right,
If she really understood, she would not have a problem signing it. Because it only becomes effective when she CAN NOT speak for herself. Honestly, she doesn't want a hospitalist to be making care decisions for her. My dad would have died because of this very situation. I have found that hospitalists, the ones we trust with our lives, are the vast majority one's that could not make it in private practice and are not the brightest crayons in the box. Does anyone want someone like that deciding if they get treatment or a toe tag?
An attorney would also have her living will attached, that way any provider would know what actions are desired by her, for her end of life or critical condition care.
As far as a General Durable POA, it sounds like it isn't real needed. If she has made someone a joint account holder on all of her assets then nothing more is needed.
Because a POA ends at death the way she has set everything up is far better.
Best of luck getting her choices protected. Sometimes though we have to step back and honor the fact that their choices are not necessarily the best ones, nor do their choices always have the optimal outcomes but, they are their choices and that is the difficult part.
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