Mum was diagnosed with vascular/mixed dementia last year immediately she was reffered to a CPN. I have since learnt she had been registered with social services since 1952. We had a grim childhood and I always knew she was unstable however the cross over in her mental health and dementia is causing huge problems how can this be dealt with.?
I am thinking that a CPN might be a good choice for someone with dementia. What types of problems are you having that are being created by the earlier mental illness diagnosis? Are they treating her for the diagnosed condition, the dementia, or both? Tell us a little more about where your mother is living and her care. Someone may have some excellent advice.
Where was your dad during your childhood or was your mother divorced? If she was divorced, like my mother was, those were particularly difficult times for any woman who was divorced and that was rare compared to today.
Where does your mother live now?
Back in your mother's day there were no resources for parents who are mentally ill like there are today. Nor was their anything for family members of the mentally ill until 1979 when a group of family members started NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness.) Only recently have books been written for adult children whose parents had a mental illness.
If you know what your mother's diagnosis is finding one of those books may be helpful, but they will not replace the help of a therapist. If you don't know your mom's diagnosis, a therapist can often make an educated guess from your description of your mother and what your childhood was like.
Back then the stigma about mental illness was far worse than it is today.Probably due to the shame and other negative feeling related to that stigma, she kept it a secrete from you and from others. Was she ever hospitalized during your childhood?
Well over 50% of people who have a mental illness are parents. The public's attention to this is long overdue for the sake of the young sons and daughters. Both the parent with the mental illness and their children need resources and support which is something that has not been focused on before.
Only rather recently have any books been written for parents who are mentally, teenagers of a parent with an mental illness as well as for children. There are also websites covering these themes.
This is a subject that Australia appears to be way ahead of the US in. I've heard that NAMI is now working on an educational program for children of a parent of a mentally ill parent which is like their free educational program for adult family members of someone in their family who has someone with a mental illness who are usually a child or a spouse. I taught this one time and was allowed to bring my under their age limit children in so that they could understand what was going on with their mom more and feel like they were not alone.
I hope that you and your siblings will see a therapist and stick with them to deal with the effects of being raised by a mother with a mental illness. Be patient with the process for you may need to search some before you find a therapist with whom you feel is a good fit which normally means you feel able to open up to them, you feel that they care, and they give you a sense of confidence that they know what they are doing and can help you.
I wish you the best in all of this. Keep in touch and let us know how things are going.
Dementia and mental illness often work together, with one making the other more difficult usually. It can be difficult to figure out if it is the dementia or if it is the normal personality coming out unfiltered. It is so good that you have help with her. It sounds like she has a dependent personality, so I don't know if you'll be able to change that at this stage. Her parents, your father, and then you and Sister have always taken care of her. Having a CPN is a big help. Is your mother also seeing a geriatric psychiatrist? If she is, let him/her know what is going on with her. Maybe there's something that can lift the depression/apathy enough that she will want to stay clean and do what she can for herself.
I know there are no easy answers. You have a lot of support from here, I know. Major big hugs coming your way.
Just what is her mental health diagnosis? How old is she?
It sounds to me like your dad felt controlled by your very unpredictable mom. Evidently, your mom felt threatened by your having a second child for some reason. I don't understand your dad begging you to make things right with your mom. Her being upset over the birth of your second child was her problem and not something for you to be blamed for. She owes you an apology for burning up your wedding pictures.
How exactly was your mom controlled and protected all her life? It sounds to me like she controlled him.
What is a joint LPA? Did you mean a joint POA? I guess you have the durable POA and the Medical POA?
I think you and your sister need to not only get into therapy, but also see a social worker together about making plans about your mom's current and future care.
What does your husband and if your sister is married her husband think about all of this?
Take care and keep in touch.