My parents are having a problem with the resident across the hall. Any suggestions?

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My parents are having a problem with the resident across the hall. Any suggestions?

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My parents have been in the nursing home for a little over a year. They share a room and have been in the same room since they have been there. About 3 month ago the nursing home moved a resident (a lady) across the hall from them. This lady was at the nursing home when my parents arrived. She is mentally challenged and has no family. The nursing home has moved this lady at least 3 times since my parents have been there. She yells all the time. And I do mean all the time. My parents say they can't sleep. My mother has trouble hearing and she still hears this lady. My parents are far away from the nurses station and I believe they moved the lady there so that the staff did not have to hear her and deal with her. I have requested that the lady be moved. I have asked nicely. Yesterday I requested it again and the nurse said she would let admission know. She called admissions as I was standing there. Today when I arrived the lady is still across the hall from my parents. So I went straight to admissions. The lady said I can't request that another resident be moved. She said I can request that my parents be moved. I think this is unfair because they have been in this room since their first week. Please advise. Am I being unreasonable?

Care Decisions Skilled Nursing Facility

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I can't seem to find how to edit, but this should have read that I was told that I could not request that the lady across the hall be moved.

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I imagine the NH moves her around because they know it is a problem, but the unfortunate fact is that this woman has to live somewhere and she is going to bother her neighbours where ever she goes.... keep complaining & go all the way up the ladder, be the squeaky wheel. In the meantime maybe you could try one of those white noise machines?

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I don't think you're being unreasonable but you might be being unpractical. If (as you believe) the lady was moved far from the nurses station due to her disruptive call outs then the location might be a good location to minimize her impact. If the lady stays where she is, your parents might be better off elsewhere even considering the disruption of the move. I would ask to view the room your parents would occupy if they were moved and request some consideration that the loud lady would not be moved into their general area again.

You might want to review the contract for your parents care and see if there are any statements in there about the quality of the care environment. Is there a director of nursing or other administrator more involved in patient care than admissions to discuss this issue?

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My dad was a carrier! He sang all the time. Play music all night?
Ear plugs?

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This is what I see as the problem: Although I believe in minimum medicating, this woman apparently should be on calming meds. Look at your States Resident Bill of rights. I believe it it will address that your parents should not have this disturbance going on and the nursing home should be resolving the issue with this woman and your parents should not have to move!! This is why I started Elderly Advocates in Ohio, we are going to help especially the ones that have no families, and go to action to stop the nursing home from passing the buck and making their problem yours!

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Unfortunately this is a reality in all NH. My Mom shared a room with a constant screamer. She passed after 2 months and what a relief it was to the whole floor. It is sad. Agree they need to be given some kind of relaxant. But can promise in most cases the resident does not realize their own disruption. Ear plugs are good but if you manage to move your parents you risk hearing the screamer anyway or they might be moved again and end up near your parents again. Sorry.

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Move your parents! Check out the room they will move to. If you dislike move them to another home. Easy said but it’s a solution

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I agree - you/you family/your parents are spending hard earned money to be at the NH - tell the NH it is quite unacceptable for your parents to be subjected to this noise & it effects how many visitors they get so effects more than just their sleep - if worse comes to worse, you could take your money & walk but line up somewhere else first

First borrow/rent audio equipment & record this as well document the decibel levels both in the hall & their with door open then door closed - video some of it - let the NH see you do this as it will show them that you will always protect your parents so they will work faster when/if something else comes up - I would send a bill for this to NH too

This takes what you say from subjective [she's too loud] to objective [at 100 decibels it is same as a jet taxing which endangers my parent with the length of time they have been subjected to this] - then bring the 'evidence' to the local health authorities & see what happens

Then tell the NH due to the poor efforts on their part that you are going to lower how much you will pay by 25% until the problem is resolved - put that 25% in an escrow account until some measure of help comes about - talk to your bank manager on how to do this

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So sorry to say that disruptive residents are a fact of life in board & care, assisted living, and nursing homes. Having a good rapport and collaborative relationship with the administration helps in problem solving but the options everyone has are limited. In CA, the use of sedation is considered a form of restraint, which is against the law, although anti-anxiety and sleep medications can be prescribed. If the nursing care administration and physician are not actively trying to address this behavior as a symptom, then it's time to move your parents to a different room to resolve their immediate discomfort. Just know that new residents may bring their own set of new difficulties. Be aware that some elderly suffer what is known as "transfer trauma," an emotional and physical reaction to change that can impact their well-being. Do everything you can to try to make things as comfortable as possible and then keep an eye on them. There is so much about eldercare that falls short of our expectations.

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i feel your pain. Something similar happened to my mother in law. A woman was placed in her room who tried to take all her possessions, believing that they belonged to “her friend”. She dug through all her drawers and closets constantly, taking more of my MIL’s stuff. When we complained, we were told that the complainer is always the one who has to be moved. My MIL was paying a fortune for this place. We changed rooms and eventually moved her to a different facility

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Like others have said this is how nursing homes are. You want to pick your battles & is this the one you really want to go with? My mother is in nursing home a lady across the hall would yell & scream. My mom would just ignore it & it becomes background noise don't focus on it. Then we discovered this is how the lady talked she wasn't screaming. She had medical issues. I was thankful my mom wasn't like that, put yourself in that families shoes. She passed away & its quieter but you feel for the family. Moms also had 3 different roomates & they were all different you never know what you will get. My mom is very easy going, but sometimes she gets upset & says no privacy & I agree with her but remind her it could be worse. Mom is 91 been there 1 1/2 years luckily still is mentally there but can't walk. It's hard to go through this with your parents, but focus on the positive & don't dwell on little things because that will eat at you. Pick your battles when it really matters. I wouldn't want to be a complainer on everything. As long as they are safe & taken care of. This is a hard job & we appreciate what they do. Good luck to you.

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I disagree with you. Some people have a low tolerance for screaming. Not everyone can just ignore it. This is a legit complaint, not being a complainer. Not all nursing homes are great. That sometimes is what families want to believe so they don't have to get involved. If you really researched you would find out that everything is not peachy,and they are not safe and taken care of many cases. Please go to my page, Elderly Advocates, it is for Ohio people, but you are welcome to read what the norm really is. Most times, it is not the pretty picture you paint.

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Wow. That's a tough one. I am wondering why this lady was moved so many times but can't be moved now? I think you are probably right about the last time. My first inclination was to befriend the ladies family, then you said she doesn't have any. If your parents like their room, I would hate to see them move; plus, what prevents them from moving this lady again or another loud person being near-by. I think I would appeal to management frequently but concentrating on your parents Quality of Life; that they had been happy here and no longer have any peacefulness, cannot sleep, cannot relax, cannot hear their TV, etc. Talk about the "Noise" not the lady. Do it often and go to top Management. And, if they ever have family meetings, Always Go. And, when they have "Care Plan Meetings" always go. Ask them, "When is the next Family Meeting?", When is the next "Care Plan Meeting" and if they don't have one scheduled (it the law, they are supposed to do it) request one. Again, talk about the need for your parents to be able to rest and relax and hear the TV without noise, don't talk about the cause of the noise. In fact, if there are other sources of noise (like staff laughing, other TVs and radios, call lights, etc) talk about that / talk about the need for a quiet, peaceful, restful environment. I always went to care plan meetings. I always showed up with a list of goals for my Mother (printed out and passed out around the table). If the GOAL is peaceful, quiet rest, ask them what steps they will take to meet this goal and how they would evaluate the success of that effort? (Put that on your paper, too / Goals listed, and for each Goal blanks for steps, blanks for "Evaluation", blank to fill in time frame, etc). And, if you have to contact Corporate, point out that the lady has been moved many times, and that even if they can't tell you why (privacy) at least let Corporate know that it was done. They probably don't know anything about it. Good luck.
You could also add that you are "worried about the lady, not having family to advocate for her, for her to have the benefit of peaceful rest. She sounds like she's frightened, or agitated, or uncomfortable or upset. Poor thing." . . . and, maybe they can get her some help.

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Yes. Tell them your parents fear for their safety. Sometimes that wording..."fear for their safety," forces them to address it differently.

Good luck.

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We had a very similar issue only the person screaming was her roommate. She was blind and I’m sure very frightened. They moved her into the room because it was furthest from the nurses station. They would her on an alarm pad and when she got up, they would ignore the alarm. Then my mother felt responsible for her-was she going to fall? Get hurt? She was constantly worrying and wasn’t sleeping. We talked to no and they said the same thing-couldn’t or wouldnt move her. We asked to have Mom moved and they never had another bed available. We have an ombudsman program through our State and I called her. Things got changed. This ombudsman program must be posted for all residents to see so they Can call for help. Believe me, no no wants the state to come in to “fix” problems. We had to resort to this because the roommate started screaming all the time and my mother was getting chest pains and that was the end of the game. Good luck

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Good for you! Agree 100% the way you handled it. Good advice!!

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Where I live all nursing homes look pretty much like hospitals and the only time I've seen doors are closed is when there is personal care being given (although sometimes for that they just draw a curtain), rarely when someone has visitors or when they close because of a fire drill. Since my mom moved into the NH she has been across the hall from a woman who vocalizes for hours at a time (it's not shouting though, I call it "singing") and the staff deal with this by temporarily moving her or moving her neighbours away from each other - if this woman is shouting at night she is obviously not sleeping so perhaps it would be possible for them to remove her to the lounge or some other common area where she is less likely to disturb anyone.

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I must concur that the only thing you can do is request that your parents be moved. My mom talks in her sleep and roommates can't put up with her. So they move. Once we finally lucked out in a rehab and she herself got moved to a private room -- the one that they usually save for the docs who are doing rehab. :) Not only was it private, but it was quite large and had a desk to which I could bring her sewing machine. Sewing is great therapy for her. She was recovering from a broken hip that time, so could still use her arms.

We have also been in the situation you describe, with a screamer next door. We had to just put up with him. White noise is nice, but only covers some noises.

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I would insist the Nurses move this disruptive Patient Who is tormenting Your Parents, and if they refuse tell the Nursing Staff and Management that You will ring in Your complaint to Your favourite local Radio Station. Management & Staff will not risk bad publicity.

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You can request your parents be moved. When my mother was in the SNF before I mistakenly took her home, she had a roommate that yelled all day & all night. I asked my mother if she wanted to change rooms & she it’s ok ...she felt sorry for her...my mother has dementia & gets combative at times....she just had a scream fest when I put her on commode...she’s constipated & can’t go...she keeps playing the I have to go to the bathroom game...then I put her on ...then nothing...I think she don’t know anymore when she has to go...& to put her on 3 times in 3 hours...exhausting for me!!!& cursing me to hell & back..I need a long vacation for sure...well, just try to let nursing staff handle it..or you will get a bad reputation there & they will take it out on your parents..take my advice since I was a fussbudget too at the SNF

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I don't agree with this post. It is not a good idea to just let the nursing home handle it. Family needs to be involved in care always. You are right, if you don't let them take over your loved one, you will get a bad reputation and they will take it out on them. I know from many sources, if someone is screaming for no reason, there is medication to calm them down. This is why I started Elderly Advocates in Ohio. To stop all this!

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My Dad was in a NH until he passed as condition worsened...in four mos. one week prior the administrator asked me if I would like to move him to the Dementia ward...I refused mostly as I liked the room where he was and was aware after visiting daily,going around to the dementia ward, that there was a screamer who I was told had something like tourettes and really screamed loudly with outbursts whom I was told very calmly well its just his condition after being frightened to death this was an angry scream....my only memory of this was that my Dad was not being looked after..or he was too incapacitated or they needed to fill beds in the other area..all the above...……..I even suspected that the area wanted to send gus out..due to the shortage of staff,,even though Dad never used his call bell,never asked for anything......but I was there everyday watching which is my advice to all of you...……….I made my Dad smoothies everyday and took him food in the after. there was a grocery store next door..im glad I was able to do that with him having fresh fruit with yogurt in the blender..as one day I tasted the late delivery of cold food that I could never chew myself, as well as
one morning showing up intentionally at a different time one lady was feeding eight people with all their food cold...she was concentrating on one man...
don't these places know that smoothies with all fresh ingredients would be better that the cold hard food that is delivered by slow moving help.

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Good for you for moving her! No one has to live with this going on,nor should they.

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You should speak to the Ombudsman of the NH and state your issue.

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You are not being unreasonable. Your loved ones have the right to live in a secure, dignified environment free from unreasonable stressors such as the noise and disruption you describe.
Furthermore, the poor lady who is making the noise and disruption may be undertreated for anxiety and dementia symptoms. She too deserves to live in a secure, dignified environment and be adequately cared for.
Please consider contacting the Long Term Care Ombudsman office in your local county government to discuss your concern. You'd be helping your loved ones, and also bringing attention to the needs of the disruptive lady who has no family to advocate for her. Don't give up ... the situation is not acceptable, and the nursing facility should be working on a better solution. Good luck!

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Great answer!!

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I would use some of these suggestions: Record the yelling and the duration of it, measure it on a decibel scale online, contact the ombudsman for the facility, and if none of that helps - tell the facility that if your parents have to move, it will be to a different facility. I’ve heard that non-stop yelling, there is no tuning it out. Good luck.

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I agree 100% well said!!!

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Jazzie6015 - I do know that nursing homes are different some are horrible & some, not many are really good. I wasn't saying all is peachy as you indicate. I am involved a lot so I do see things. That is why you pick your battles. I just mentioned the screamer my mom had & when I realized her condition we had sympathy for her & understood why she was loud. Sometimes finding out a little more information is helpful. We have to weigh different situations & not jump to conclusions immediately.

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All I am saying is that my uncle.jad to listen to non stop screaming...it really really bothered him. Older people do not like change and they don't want to move. It is not fair that it is handles this way. The one that screams needs an issue resolved. They very well could be in the wrong unit. Most times they will not move someone who screams is because they like them far away from the nurses station. There need a to be a resolution for both. This is a battle I would pick. This is very wrong. Picking a menu would be a battle I would not pick. Just giving my opinion. No right or wrong ones on here.

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I can imagine how frustrating this is for you, and I can see why you feel it's unfair. I can also empathize with the facility's policy on not honoring your request to move someone else . . . .if the shoe were on the other foot and your loved ones were causing a ruckus, you would probably appreciate this policy more than you can in your current predicament. I do think you should take the admissions lady up on the offer to move your parents if the screaming is intolerable. It is really actually quite nice of them to offer this option to you and so much better than having them say that they can't help you as there is no other room available into which to move your parents. It's not ideal and it may not seem "fair" but it is a decent offer of a viable solution.

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If your parents are private pay at a skilled nursing facility, you should simply go to the executive director and give notice that you are moving your parents out.
It sounds like they are, understandably, trying to put the yelling resident wherever she will get the least complaints. Don't let that be within loud earshot of your parents.

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You have to be reasonable that lady have the right to live in her room just like your parents do. Consider moving your parent or maybe you can knock on her door and visit her she might just need a friendly smile and someone to listen to her.

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I don't agree. All patients have a right to peace. If one is disturbing others they obviously need to help her with her issues. The quiet one is the one that is able to abide by rules. The other one has an issue that need a addressed that she can't follow rules.

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But, folks, the "screamer" is always going to disturb SOMEONE. If it's not your parents it's someone else. There are few places in most communities that are not near SOME resident.

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My parents are having a problem with the resident across the hall. Any suggestions?

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