They were originally moving to a companion suite. Now of course they can charge full price for both rooms, instead of the couple price which is much lower, not to mention that the memory unit is much more expensive. She doesn't wander, knows her family, she can read still. The memory unit is not the least restrictive level for her in my opinion. They say DOH sets the standard, but I can't find that anywhere.
Don't give up on AgingCare! This is a great site and you are needed to help make it great!! :)
If you aren't fully committed to this particular AL and you have several to choose from, look at a couple of others and explain your situation. See what solutions they offer. One I can think of is to have them live together in a single apartment, but add an additional care level for your mom – much less expensive than a separate apartment for her.
That said, you have to prepare for her to need a 'locked unit' at some point in the near or not-so-near future, so you shouldn't move them in to a place where their finances won't survive if one of them needs much more expensive care.
If your heart is set on this facility, you might want to have a conversation with the director to learn exactly what deficits they observed in your mom that would preclude her from the general population?
I was within earshot during the evaluations done by that facility as well as the one we eventually chose. Listening to her evasive answers was heartbreaking:
Q: "Can you tell me today's date?"
A: "I can't keep track of the dates now that I don't get a newspaper."
Q: "Can you tell me the President's name?"
A: "I stopped paying attention to politicians a long time ago because they're all the same."
Q: "How old are you?"
A: "You don't even want to know that. I'm ancient."
And so forth. I stayed just outside the doorway. Close enough to hear, but out of her line of vision so she couldn't look to me for help.
Those interviews shocked me. I knew she'd had losses but had no idea how far she'd slid, especially since she still recognizes everyone (vascular dementia, not Alzheimer's).
Your suspicion that facilities can be motivated by money and space available may be well founded. When searching for AL for my mother we saw several facilities. One didn't offer memory care, and was really pushing us to move her in there. We resisted because it was obvious to us that Mom's cognitive skills would have put her at the lowest level of the residents we saw during the tour. At her rate of decline we would have had to move her again in six months or less. They had a hefty move-in fee, which would have been squandered, not to mention the considerable disruption to Mom.
We continued to search and found the perfect place for her. It's less convenient for me to visit because it's farther away and off my own beaten path, but is much better for her. I hope you find someplace that will accommodate your family's needs.
Generally speaking, each level of care, from residential to assisted living, or from memory care to nursing home, has its own guidelines. There are limits to what kind of patient each type of facility is allowed to administer.
It sounds like you're in a tiered facility, where the patients can be moved to different levels depending on their needs.
You might want to try interviewing some other facilities for their opinions.
In my area we are beginning to get what they are calling memory care transition programs in assisted living/memory care facilities. They allow a couple to share a unit at a reduced price for double occupany. Then the one with dementia participates in a day program, at additional charge, to give time to the caregiving spouse. It will be interesting to see reports on how this method actually works. My Mom as it is is up and down all night long. If she were in a new place sharing space with her hubby, he would never get any rest not good for him. Expensive, yes but it is their money for their care.
But I also feel (maybe too strongly) that A.L. residents do reasonably expect their homes, hallways, dining room and common areas should be free from disruptive behaviors....even if that is from another resident's spouse. After all this is why people are moved to memory care or dementia wing, because their behavior needs are too great to be met by just their spouse or by themselves. Its a nice way of saying, these individuals do not "fit" in with healthier people--its no good for the sick folks, but it also isn't any good for the healthy ones. Very rough time for a couple, I hope doesn't happen to me, but I have written in my Health Care Directive that I don't want to be residing with family or spouse if I should develop ALZ or similar. Because it's too hard on THEM.
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