My husband has placed his mom, 94, in a dementia care facility, for her own safety. It has been hard on him, because he didn't really want to do it. And it's hard on my MIL, because she thinks she doesn't need to be there!? I was reading the posts and saw a comment that I am going to tell my husband when he gets home from seeing his mom. It went llike this "Either you manage your parent or they manage you, you decide what you need to do". I think this comment reflects what we need at this time! I see my husband being pushed from pilar to post, whenever his mom needs anything! And he does it, all without question? He has a sister who has washed her hands of any responsibility in doing anything her mom needs, so the brunt of everthing goes on my husband. We also have a child (young teen) who very much needs his father right now. I can't play that role even though I've tried. Our son has had a lot to deal with in the past year and a half, lossing 2 grandparents and an uncle. He is failing in school and is disrespectful at home, I think his rebelling stems from all this adversity he has gone through, and our paying so much attention to the job at hand! What can we do to help this situation because we can't just ignore the fact that we HAVE to take care of his grandma right , and we have stressed that we love him as always but there are things we as parents have to do when we get older. We are all trying to just make it through this, but sometimes I wish I could crawl in a hole and stay there till this blows over....! I have said a lot of prayers and read many stories here that have helped me to cope somewhat with all this. Just need to vent a little I guess.....Thx
The first few weeks may be very difficult in the care facility. I hope that she will adapt soon so that your husband doesn't feel guilty. And I hope that you can steer your son back on your side. Teenagers! You are not alone there. With a good foundation, though, they find their way back.
As for the bathing, are they trying to get her into a shower? Is there any way they might get her to accept a bed bath? At least they'd be able to get those "critical" areas cared for.
For some reason a lot of older people just won't shower. My mom is one of them. She went over a month without a shower, and was flipping a really scary, violent fit when one of the caregivers was trying to get her in. Finally the caregiver told her "there are two choices here...either a shower, or I'm calling 911". Mom got in the shower.
In one way it is easier than raising the kids, he makes the final decisions and I just have to support those decisions. He always asks my opinion, which I appreciate, and I always support his final decisions (regarding his family) which he appreciates.