PART2: Button down shirt, sneakers etc (a woman who swears she can't do these things) insisting that she will leave. I’ve managed to keep that from happening mostly by telling her I’ll call the police to help me and by staying with her all hours for fear she’ll try to leave down the two flights of stairs and get hurt. Sunday night she managed to get out and down the stairs within no more than a minute when it takes nearly 5 minutes to get her down those stairs when taking her to appointments. When I found her on the sidewalk and took her arm the way I always do when helping her walk she wobbled around and yelled and looked at me in terror as though I was trying to what? Make her fall? Attack her? It’s not the first time she’s behaved in such a way at nothing but that one was way over the top. I convinced her to come home only by threatening to call the police.
The list goes on…
Thing is that in between these episodes are several days to at least a week of her going on what a Godsend I am…that I work so hard for her and she’s so grateful for me. then suddenly its that I do nothing, I don’t love her, she is afraid of me, she doesn’t feel safe, etc.
Along with all that and then some is…well, I have a security camera on my porch and in my living room that feeds through wifi and over data on my phone or laptop. I’ve caught her several times doing things she claims she cannot do such as writing clearly with her “paralyzed arm”, forgetting her cane-walking weakly but fine, dragging her cane behind her with said arm, dropping something and bending way over to pick it up, etc. when therapists are here or when at doctor’s office she’s suddenly unable to speak even half sensibly or walk or so much as lift her hand.
It is so incredibly draining and I dare say traumatizing. All the time wasted on nonsense then trying to function while walking on eggshells after no sleep at all, no bath at times for 3-4 days at a time, literally falling to sleep in my food when I finally get to sit down and eat. She could care less. She smirks and rolls her eyes, gives a little evil snicker and such. Again the list goes on and here’s the thing, before anyone says this is stroke related or early stages of dementia; while that may be so to some degree this is the woman I remember most of my life. It was only the past 4ish years she’s behaved like a normal human being…up till she was in my home and I didn’t do what she wanted when she wanted or she felt jealous when I was happy about something (literally sour face when I’m smiling/laughing with SO or even with her!) the icing on the cake is today she told all three of her therapists lies about me, that she is afraid/not safe/stealing/drunk all the time/screaming at her/angry/etc. Luckily I have the camera footage that shows it’s the other way around & they didn’t seem to believe her. That didn’t stop my heartbreak/nearly catatonic now for hours/couldn’t stop crying. This is toxic. I even vomit several times a week for no reason. How can I get her out of my home?
It is a growing problem here, and I would imagine everywhere that policy allows. What is the solution? I don't know. But it will get worse before it gets better unless caregivers are taken care of.
Here is a link to a story about the issue. Google stranded elderly.
https://www.9news.com/article/news/local/investigations/man-with-alzheimers-sent-on-one-way-flight-to-denver-among-scores-of-patients-stranded-in-hospitals/73-613906543
Ultimately you may need to consult an elder law attorney and find out what the requirements are for eviction ...notify APS that she is a vulnerable adult. You are going to meet resistance, unhelpfulness, but persevere.
Constantly I feel like I’m his whipping post and I’m advised to walk away! I did it yesterday for the first time, I did what I was told by everyone, I walked out!!!!
May I ask what you mean by walked out? For good or just walking away from an unreasonable "argument"?
Now please call EMS and have her taken to the closest ER and put on a 5150 psychiatric hold. She will be evaluated and diagnosed. She needs to be placed. Refuse to take her home. Tell them you are frightened of her, and frightened of what you could do with what she is doing. Tell them that you are neither mentally nor physically able to care for her and she must have placement.
Social workers need to be put onto getting her placement right away.
Or, just continue on as you are.