My elderly dad is living w/me. We put his ss check into our account. We pay all his expenses ie his life ins, health, food, clothing, anything he needs. He has about 500.000 left per month that just stays in there and goes toward the house. Is this acceptable? He is 93 years old w/alz. I take care of him w/no help. We have no funeral money set aside. My sister said that because i have his ss money she should not have to pay half of the funeral bill when the time comes. My husb and I dont think thats fair, cuz if he werent here, he would be in a nurs home, Or someone wold have to pay someone like me an hourly wage around the clock to take care of him. Please tell me who is right. We needed that extra money of his SS to run the house, so we felt we could use it because I take care of him, we can't take vacations and I am dedicated to him as if a job. Am I respsonible for his entire cost of funeral because I have been using part of his SS money and not putting some of it away? I dont have the money for the funeral now....but could come up w/half. What do I do? I explained everything to her and she knows all I do, but she wont sway from her story. Thank you. Carol
It might be better to come up with a personal care agreement, spelling out what he is paying you and what you are providing.
He is paying on a life insurance policy. What is that for? Could he cash that in and use it to pre-pay for his funeral expenses?
When my dad was dying, my siblings and I had disagreements over funeral costs. One brother and his wife picked out a very nice coffin even though Dad just wanted "a pine box." They said they would pay for it. Within 6 months, they were divorcing and didn't pay a thing for the coffin. Because Mom had a stroke right after Dad died, the funeral bill was never paid and went to collections. And now I am trying to find a way that Mom can pay it off on her low monthly income.
It is so hard to find a way to make this all fair when you have siblings.
All he would get would be a few dollers a week as pocket money. Try talking to other funeral homes and request the lowest legal estimate. If your whole family can't afford that Dad will have to be cremated and his remains put in with mother. Under no circumstances should you and your husband use retirement money or go into debt for this. Talk to social services and see what they can suggest. if your sister still wants a fancy funeral she can arrange and pay for it. have a simple graveside ceremony and a gathering at home or one of dad's outdoor favorite places at the time or in the summer.Thoughts are with you
I'm sure you paid for meds too. Your sister is wrong. IMHO.