What do you do when the person you are caring for is threatening your health, job, life, family, freedom, and sanity?

My mother-in-law has been living with my wife and I for about a year. Prior to her being with us, she was in 3 nursing facilities that left infections repeatedly unaddressed and nearly killed her. Since being with us, she has been infection free, all of her labs are spot on, and she is enjoying a private room and amenities no facility is capable of providing. While she was in the facilities, there was always an "enemy" and always false accusations against staff. Now, she makes accusations against my wife and myself. For example, when I found 4 used catheters stuffed in the seats of a rental car recently used for a Christmas trip, and asked her to please be mindful of discarding her equipment properly, she is threatening to call a lawyer and press charges... not really sure for what, but this is just the tip of the iceberg. A little background, she is 60 years old and was rushed into emergency brain surgery 3 years ago to remove a tumor and over 750ml of cerebral spinal fluid that was blocked and smashing her brain into the sides of her skull. After a successful surgery, she had a stroke, followed by MRSA infections in her skull, and subsequent surgeries to address the issues. She is a T7 paraplegic (since 17 years of age), self-catheter, colostomy, diabetes, sundowners syndrome, and cognitive impairment. The delusions that she conjectures, like everyone is stealing money she doesn't have, every one is out to get her when she is asked not to wash colostomy bags in public toilets or leave dirty equipment in car seats, are very troubling. She was given a phone to make emergency phone calls, and has had to have it taken away after repeatedly harassing random people. We don't wan't her to feel, or to be, isolated, but it is not feasible to allow her unsupervised phone access to harass strangers. She has driven away every other family member, including a mother, sister, and son who won't talk to her due to her years of delusions and abuse predating the surgery, but perhaps partially resultant from the slow growing tumor. We have hired in-home help, and we are all well aware that she is trying to pit the CNA against us, through clearly false accusations. Throughout her time at the nursing homes, we had to address every accusation as if it were true, though someone calmly kneeling down to speak to her at eye level is, to her, "screaming in my face." My wife took the past three years off work to address her mom's medical needs, and is returning to work next week. This has only made her mother's behavior worse, and my wife is concerned that these delusions will inevitably result in trials and tribulations far beyond care giving and more work addressing the accusations that have no basis in reality, but which must be given credence before being disproved. I am 40 years old and my wife is 30. We are hoping to have children, but are scared to bring a young life into this world with the issues facing us with caring for her mother. What do you do when every state-licensed nursing facility (3/3 so far) nearly kills your mother due to neglect, but keeping her in the home is a danger due to her hygiene issues, cognitive impairment, delusions, paranoia, physical issues, etc.? My wife has spent nearly every waking moment for years addressing these needs, while I have worked to support us financially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. My wife is amazing. My mother-in-law is, often, a wonderful woman. I am at my wits end trying to assuage every issue from all sides and wind up being the enemy of one, and my wife is always subjected to abuse from her mother and is so tired of always teetering on the edge. My mother-in-law does not recognize her deficits, though at times she seems to acknowledge them. She fills notebooks with nonsensical writing of how we have wronged her by trying to create systems for her so she doesn't use the same colostomy and catheter equipment for weeks on end, and lie to her, and don't want her in our home (we worked for years to make her safe and healthy, including opening our home to take better care of her than what has been evidenced at facilities), and how she is going to sue us, sue her sister and mother, press charges, and how we are mad at her for having had a tumor. No one is mad at her, but she is angry about everything and her constant negativity, manipulation, delusions, and unsafe behavior, severely limits her and us. Prayer and an occasional dinner for two keeps my wife and I going, as does our awesome service dog, but we aren't sure how to move forward to enjoy a quality of life, have children, and feel safe in our own home while keeping her mother with us. We aren't sure how we can place my mother-in-law in another facility, when her needs will certainly not be met there, as no facility has yet been a safe place for her. I tell my wife that she deserves a life, a chance to soar, and peace of mind, and she does nothing short of amazing me everyday. I want an amazing life for her.