Bree Asked January 2010
How can I physically remove my mother from her home and move her into an Assisted Living Facility?
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TRICKS NEEDED: How do you physically remove someone from there home , to Assisted living.
My mother has alzheimers.
In denial.Thinks shes fine.How do I physically remove her from home? She will physically fight.HELP! im stressed, I am the only child..only family...wanting to put her in assisted living is enough stress...to ACTUALLY GET HER THERE WILL BE A MIRACLE.
If anyone is famaliar with Tyler Perry movies...there is a character called MADEA..THATS MOMZ! HELP ME!!
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If you have Power of Attorney for your Mother, it may be easier for you to help her.
Since Civil Rights come into play, if your Mother does not want to go into assisted living, you really can't make her go. Now, if she is endangering herself, call Social Services (Adult Protective Services) and ask if they will do a check on your Mother and her home.
Also, if you have Power of Attorney and can speak to your Mother's Doctor, maybe he would be willing to write a letter stating that your Mother can no longer take care of herself, her medical or financial needs.
Hope this helps.
To the good answers you have, I just want to add my 5 cents worh.
As an alternative to AL, how about if she participates at a senior center nearby...This would keep her involved, as well as watched by the staff-some centers even specialize in handeling dementia clients. Another alternative, would be have someone stay with your Mom-probably a costly idea however.
As for removing her from her home and into AL-I do not think you can do this-unless there is some legal stipuation set up that gives you this authority. Such as POA -already mentioned.
Good luck on your journey =)
Hap
I believe those people might be more familiar witgh services and
legal issues than the 'rest of us'. Here is the national website which might help you locate such a specialist in your area:
http://www.caremanager.org/
Also, look into establishing your mother with a geriatric specialist doctor near you--if your mother's current doctor isn't comfortable working with you offering guidance.
If you mother is saying 'NO' to relocation, there won't be much you can do without a POA and her doctor's backing you up, until she becomes a danger to herself or the public.
Be advised that not all assisted living facilities can or will take Alzheimer's residents. Keep regular watch on her if she does move into any type of residential care. She'll receive better care with you being involved.
Her physican will have to fill out a form for her to be accepted into an assisted living facility. If her physician will fill out the paperwork, show it to her as if it were a prescription. Also, taking her to an ALF and letting her speak with the counsellors (sales people) might convince her to go. Try to find one with activities.
you are not alone as you might think. Start collecting documentation from you mom's doctors, neighbors, friends or former friends, and anyone else who knew her before the Alzheimer's diagnoses. The trick is to get the authorities on YOUR side. Is mom still driving? Her doctor can notify the State DOT to have her tested or even revoke her license. Do neighbors notice strange behaviors like wandering or locking herself out of her house multiple times? Does her hairdresser notice any changes in her conversation or has she stopped going to the hairdresser for no apparent reason. Same for her Dentist, Optician, Pastor, Postal Delivery Person...anyone who has observed her behavior over a period of time.
The idea is to build a case that mom is not only a threat to herself but may pose a treat to others if she still drives or lives in an apartment that she could set on fire by forgetting to turn off the stove etc.
Then you can go to your local Dept for the Aging and see what steps are needed to get her committed to Assisted Living. In the meantime get her financial house in order. She needs a Will and a POA. The POA does not have to be you but you are the most likely candidate. This means that YOU will be responsible for paying the Assisted Living facility for her care unless she is eligible for Medicaid, is a Veteran, or has an in-force Long Term Care insurance policy that does not exclude dementia as a qualifying event.
Take it a day at a time so you will not be overwhelmed and it will work out.
It sounds like a complicated situation, and it's hard to give much advice without the answers to a few questions.
You mention that your Mom is in denial regarding the diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease, which is not unusual. Was the diagnosis explained to her by a trusted physician with whom she's had a relationship for awhile? If not, I'd suggest you try that.
Others have brought up the issue of Power of Attorney. Do you have this (and the other critical legal documents in place)? If not, you need to determine immediately whether she is still able to sign such a document (or if her dementia has already rendered her unable to do so). An attorney in your state is the best person to address this. As others have said, if you DO have a valid POA, you are in a position that you can take action. In the event that it's too late to get a POA, the attorney will be able to advise you regarding seeking conservatorship or guardianship.
Are you sure that assisted living is the right placement for Mom? The answer to this is determined both by her condition and prognosis, as well as by the financial resources available to her. One of the things you have to think about is whether there will be enough money to take care of her until the end of her journey. The decision you make in the short run regarding where is best for her to live should be based on thinking through a budget. If a placement is indeed the right move at this time, you may need to look into a facility with a memory unit, especially if your Mom is at risk of wandering outside of the facility and getting lost or injured.
If all of the above has been thought about, is the key issue that Mom just says she doesn't want to move? If so, there are a number of options to try. Perhaps a short stay at the facility you have chosen is possible. Many allow for "respite stays" which would allow your Mom to "visit" for a few days. In my practice, I've experienced situations where Mom then doesn't want to go home because she's already acclimated to her new environment. As an alternative, perhaps getting an objective third party involved will help. This person can talk with your Mom and try to get an understanding of what is underlying her unwillingness to consider moving. I've often seen that the denial is really about fear and sadness, and if those feelings can be aired and validated that the elder will eventually come up with the idea of moving on her own.
Good luck, and know that you're not alone!
-- Sheri
Others become cruel, verbally abusive, angry and mad at the world. Yet take out those feelings on the closest one to them...the caregiver.
So to answer your question tmac...thats whats changed , my mother has become the latter part of the description.
Thank you for your comment.
God Bless.
This will give her something constructive to do during the day, being with peers and being involved in other activities. And give you that break during the Day.
This is too late for your "fit at the airport" question and I hope you got through it OK. You do not say if your father has Alzheimer's or dementia but if that is the case you must get in touch with your local chapter of the Alzheimer's Association and find local support group meetings. They have workable solutions from people who have "been there and did that" Trust me on this: You and your family cannot handle this without some training and a good support network. Dementia care is way different from the types of problems caregivers of sick or disabled folks normally encounter but with a little knowledge and the right support it can be a lot more beneficial than putting your dad in a nursing home.
http://www.alz.org
I have ruined my health trying to take care of her and feel very alone even though I know there are others, such as yourself. Try not to ruin your health and try not to feel guilty.
There is an organization called the National Association of Senior Move Managers. ( Look for it on Google.) This organization consists of people who are professionals who help seniors move from one living situation to another. The NASSM can provide you with names of people in your area who could either help you, or could put you in touch with someone who could help you implement this move. If you cannot afford one type of "helper", perhaps you could find another who is more affordable, or is free of charge. You could also contact your local hospital(s) to find out if there are volunteer "senior helpers" in your area who could help you out. You could call local senior communities to ask about the same thing. I am an only child too, and I could not care for my parents without help from others. Good Luck.
destroying her health. My sister & I worked with his dr. and consulted with the nursing home. He was put on something to calm him down, the nursing home was wonderful in helping Dad fit in
and kept him very busy. He did eventually have a "melt down". the
nursing home told us not to come back for 2 weeks. He still wants
to come home but with distraction we get around that.
I would have a consultation with her doctor and the nursing home as well. They would also know the legalities of making your
Mom go to a nursing home.