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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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sunnygirl1 You are right, it is hard to tell. She doesn't seem to be able to tell the difference between yesterday and 50 years ago. She can't remember who came to visit her. She asks about my father, and he passed 2 months ago. She thinks her mother is still alive. I just try to comfort her and assure her she is ok. I don't tell her people have died or remind her of the ones who have. I just think it would upset her and there is no need for it. I am just trying to protect her, I guess. It is hard to know.
Even though the suicide happened ten years ago, it's difficult to say where her memory is stuck.
My cousin has very little memory, but she does recall things from the 1980's and early 90's. The death of her parents, many years ago, is fresh on her mind and she often will tear up speaking of their deaths. It's still fresh on her mind, so I try not to dwell on it.
At Christmas, she told me that her best gift was the wheelchair her father gave her. I asked her when he gave her the wheelchair and she said about a year ago. Okay. She only went into the wheelchair in September of 2014 and her dad died in 1992. I didn't correct her, but told her I was glad she loved the wheelchair.
Wintersun, It all depends on how your Mother is going to react to that photo.
We have to remember that death is only one day out of a whole person's life. There has to be some good memories of when he was a child, teenager, young adult... why not photo of him when he was younger?
I was dealing with that with my sig other who the first few years of being with him all I knew about his parents, his aunts and uncles is the day of their passing and a day or two leading up to it. I thought to myself, how sad that his parents, aunts and uncles had spent 70 or 80 years on this earth and all he could talk about was the last 48 hours of their life.... [sigh]
gladimhere I'm sorry, it must have been so hard to make it through that. Ok, I see, your mom reacted pretty much the same way I think my mom would. I haven't told her the story, and I never will. She asks how he is, I tell her he is fine. I just don't want his picture to trigger any nightmarish memories in her. Because, I never know how she will react or when or if she will remember. I think it's best to just not have his pictures in the room.
My father committed suicide in 1968 following a very ugly divorce. A couple of years ago my Mom would ask who is by using his name. Now she does not remember him at all. But when she did, and foolish me used to tell her what happened, she would become upset and say things along the line of what a terrible wife she must have been. Mom married a high school sweetheart eight years ago and as far as she is concerned now, they have been together for many years and he must be my father. I would never put a picture of my Dad in the house. Mom would not remember him and if the story of what happened came up, then she would get upset. So, if your Mom remembers your brother at all and what happened, do not put his picture in her room. If she does not remember, and your neice would agree to not talk about what happened (though only you can decide if she would carry through) then think about placing the picture.
Well, your mother comes first. How has she reacted to the picture? If it is distressing to her, then remove it. If it isn't, I wouldn't.
Of course I can't possibly know, but to the uninitiated outsider you do sound a little bit harsh about your niece. She doesn't want her father airbrushed out of the family history, would that be a possible alternative construction to put on it?
But in any case, your mother comes first. It's how she feels that matters. I'm sorry that you have this terribly sad situation to deal with, it can't be simple to know what is best.
My brothers daughter, actually. She is very difficult, only cares about herself (spoiled) and just wants to to what she wants no matter who doesn't like it.
If you that would be upsetting to her, then tell the staff about your concerns. Has the staff asked for family pictures? Or is another family member putting up these pictures and you disagree?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My cousin has very little memory, but she does recall things from the 1980's and early 90's. The death of her parents, many years ago, is fresh on her mind and she often will tear up speaking of their deaths. It's still fresh on her mind, so I try not to dwell on it.
At Christmas, she told me that her best gift was the wheelchair her father gave her. I asked her when he gave her the wheelchair and she said about a year ago. Okay. She only went into the wheelchair in September of 2014 and her dad died in 1992. I didn't correct her, but told her I was glad she loved the wheelchair.
We have to remember that death is only one day out of a whole person's life. There has to be some good memories of when he was a child, teenager, young adult... why not photo of him when he was younger?
I was dealing with that with my sig other who the first few years of being with him all I knew about his parents, his aunts and uncles is the day of their passing and a day or two leading up to it. I thought to myself, how sad that his parents, aunts and uncles had spent 70 or 80 years on this earth and all he could talk about was the last 48 hours of their life.... [sigh]
Of course I can't possibly know, but to the uninitiated outsider you do sound a little bit harsh about your niece. She doesn't want her father airbrushed out of the family history, would that be a possible alternative construction to put on it?
But in any case, your mother comes first. It's how she feels that matters. I'm sorry that you have this terribly sad situation to deal with, it can't be simple to know what is best.