Dad moved in a year ago. No plans for retirement (no funds at all or assets). I am in the financial business but on the commercial side. Dad moved in because he has no money except SSI. He has good insurance for now but what do I plan for in 10 years? He is in good health, he had knee replacement in February (I barley survived it being his caretaker.) I have my BIL in a home out of state and social security takes care of his needs (which are limited), he is in a full scale nursing home. He did not have a choice as he had no assets either. I don't want to see my dad end up like my BIL. He cant save a penny now (he could but chooses not too.) How do I plan if something takes a turn? I am all about planning and I have retirement set up for us. Do I just wait and let SS take care of it? 80 is a bad time to start planning. He didn't have much for assets when mom died, sold hi s truck and gave away a lot of his business items. Even a 5 year look back wont reveal much so he has nothing. Hes OK for now but I worry about the next 5 or 10 years. Should I plan to get a cab and send him with a note to my sister? (I know mean, just my coping mechanism.)
Reading through, though, your father just sounds - well - tired. As though a peaceful dotage quite appeals to him, perhaps, do you think? I don't want to make your heart sink. I know that there is a world of difference between the idea of having your active elder in the house and one who seems to be withdrawing into total inertia. It is deeply discouraging, and a far cry from the image one has in mind starting out.
So to go back to the planning, you mention your sister - I'm not sure hanging a label round his neck and packing him off to her would be entirely fair, but on the other hand does she have any ideas to contribute? At this point it probably isn't fair, either, to expect your father to take an active role in the planning: if he was ever going to, he'd have thought about that before and it won't get you anywhere (except relieve a little tension, but only in a way that will leave you feeling like a bully) if you try to concentrate his mind on it now.
Is the BIL your sister's husband, by the way?
You need that sign that says "Your failure to plan, does not mean this is an emergency for me."
My mother is 96 and my MIL is 92. They are both very happy in full time care. My sister died suddenly, taking care of mother. Good luck, to you.
One thing I would highly suggest is keeping busy and working out - not gym type heart pounding workouts but just walking, maybe gardening, getting out and about as he did on the recent 8 hour trip (although shorter trips would be better).
As I recall he had some specific business interests; could he participate and/or teach through SCORE? What about participation in Senior Center activities?
Keeping him looking and planning ahead, and physically taking care of himself so he can do that, will help his mind set, which I think is just as important as his physical issues.
Heck, even walking he dog in the neighborhood would get him outside, meet other people and get some exercise.
Sometimes participating in charitable activities in which it's clear that we're not as bad off as others creates a sense of gratitude as well as desire to help. Maybe he could dish up food at a food kitchen, pack food at a local food pantry, help out at an animal shelter or rescue group,...something that allows him to share with others.
I don't recall his mental state, but I've seen repeated requests in local newsletters for people to help with literacy projects. There are the Big Brother and Big Sister as well as Scout projects.
I am a bit annoyed that he did not plan better for the future, my parents did a great job raising us but they had quite a few financial upsets and spent their way through their life. I cannot complain as I was the recipient of their spending as my children were. They enjoyed themselves, my in laws on the other hand saved every penny. Totally different upbringings.
The future will fall to me. I can see it now by sister and her husband (my BIL) will come up with an excuse at the time but will be sure to tell me what to. My brother..... "is out of the picture", we do not communicate and he has no money, or so he says...
I can't ask at this point what he wants as he doesn't know nor does he care. As long as he is cared for he will be happy. I look at it this way, he didn't plan so he wont have "a dog in the fight".
My concern is what will medicare cover or do I look to the state? My wife's brother is in a home out of state and he had no insurance and the state he is in takes full care of him. We work very hard to keep him where he is. He had a stroke and is in a wheel chair. We are on year 5 with him. It cost every penny of his savings to get him in there but now medicare and SSI cover his basic needs. It is not the Ritz but he is cared for. We cannot visit him due to geography but I check in every week and send him what he needs, talk with the home and the Doctors and nurses to be sure he is in good care.
I guess I will have to bone up on social security and assistance if and when the time comes. Right now he has insurance and I make sure he pays it every month.