The money is for her hair, groceries and for Christmas for her children and grandchildren. I sign her checks (I'm on her account) and give her the cash. I am worried others will ask where the money went and all I can say is I gave it to her. I have no proof. Is this Ok? Should I stop this? I am worried my family may sue/take me to court, even though they aren't helping in other ways. Please help.
Family members who aren't involved with the finances don't realize it cost money to care for an elder. Items such as Depends type garments can throw the best done budget out of whack due to the cost.
As for gifts for her children and grandchildren. One has to envision how would Grandmother's health be 5 years from now. Does Grandmother have enough funds to pay professional caregivers as her Alzheimer's/Dementia progresses? Or would she need to file for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare], where Medicaid would pay for her stay at a nursing home.
Why I mentioned 5 years is because Medicaid would look back 5 years at Grandmother's financials. If they see that she had spent a lot of money on gifts for the family, that could throw a huge wrench into her care under Medicaid. The family would need to come up with the dollar amount of all the gifts in the past 5 years.
Being now that Grandmother is incompetent, the family shouldn't expect gifts from her. I know she probably loves the holiday rush of gift giving, but she now needs to cut back. If she insists, guide her to less expensive items..... if she gives money, again try to guide her to smaller checks.