My dad, 80 has asked for help with my mom,82 who is suffering from dementia but not been officially diagnosed. She will not let anybody,including my dad attend a Drs appt. with her. She is physically in good health, not on a lot of medications but is slipping bad. They are living independently now and Dad wants and needs help. I am the oldest and living the nearest and have taken care of their needs when asked for a long time. When doing the POA can I do it for both parents on a single document? This is dads wish to simplify the process because then mom wont ask him a thousand times what is it that she signed.
Seek Guardianship over mom; she may have been diagnosed and is not telling you what the doctor found. Your siblings and Dad must all agree on who the Guardian will be and agree that Guardianship is needed.
Because a Guardianship takes away someone's legal rights, there must be a court proceeding in which the person who might be placed under Guardianship is represented by a lawyer, usually someone appointed by the Court. While your siblings and Dad need not all agree on who the Guardian will be and that Guardianship is needed, agreeing on who the Guardian should be instead of fighting over it in court would be less expensive.
Please also note that the person appointed as agent under the Durable [Financial] Power of Attorney and the person appointed as agent under the Medical Power of Attorney should not be the same person. This avoids charges that the cheapest, not the best, course of treatment was chosen. Some spouses name each other for both but given your father's age, this may not be the best course.
Regarding your mom refusing to let anyone go to the doctor with her, it is indeed common. I would suggest you contact the doctor though. First, you want to make sure he/she is aware that you think your mother has developed dementia. HIPAA doesn't prevent you from disclosing things to the doctor. Second, you can express your concern that she's refusing to let anyone accompany her, and see if the doctor would be willing to encourage your mom to have someone come to the visits. Sometimes the influence of a doctor can help with this. Lastly, the doctor might be able to encourage her to complete a durable POA for health, assuming the doctor feels she has capacity. Even if she keeps forgetting what she signed, if she's consistent in saying "If I were injured or couldn't make medical decisions, here's who should do it for me," she might be deemed to have enough capacity.
Last but not least, I recommend you review the government FAQs on HIPAA and disclosure to family and friends. Clinicians can exercise judgment and release information if they think a patient has lost capacity to decide on this and if it's in the best interest of the patient.
https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/for-professionals/faq/disclosures-to-family-and-friends
For instance:
"Q: If the patient is not present or is incapacitated, may a health care provider still share the patient’s health information with family, friends, or others involved in the patient’s care or payment for care?
A: Yes. If the patient is not present or is incapacitated, a health care provider may share the patient’s information with family, friends, or others as long as the health care provider determines, based on professional judgment, that it is in the best interest of the patient."
Thanks for mentioning "Please also note that the person appointed as agent under the Durable [Financial] Power of Attorney and the person appointed as agent under the Medical Power of Attorney should not be the same person." I didn't know that. I am 85 and putting all my documents in order.
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