Can my sister with general and medical POA furnish her own house with Mom's stuff when moving her to ALF?

I don't think she did a bad thing by getting them both into care. If sis took money for herself, Medicaid would have seen that during the five year look back. Of course you want them together, but that is no longer possible. As an RN you should know that. You are grieving for their loss, but try not to direct your anger at someone who got them to a safe place. It would be better not to contact any of them until you find some counseling for your anger and grief. When we cleaned out mom's house, old furniture was absolutely unsellable, and when it went to the curb, nobody junk-picked it. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad, but at least mom & dad are in a safe place.

I agree with what Jeanne wrote. My main thought on this was the last thing a POA who was stealing money would want to do is to apply for Medicaid. The unexplained withdrawals of money would be noticed right away. If the Medicaid application was approved, then apparently no irregularities were found. Was the father approved for Medicaid?

POA does not owe you an accounting. In fact, she has an obligation to respect confidentiality.

You say there isn't much of financial value ... since Medicaid approved an application that must be the case. So what is it you want to fight your sister for? There must be something you left out if there is an issue worth hiring a lawyer to resolve.

Sorry, I meant to say, get an attorney to get a subpoena to get the POA to give an accounting. (Got my words backwards)

Thanks. That's what we were looking for. So, do we have to get an attorney to get the POA to get a subpoena for the accounting if we already requested it and she ignored us. And what if she has "no documentation" to show what she's done? She's very good at being deceptive.

I looked through everything written again and a lot of things don't fit. The main thing is that your sister helped with your father's spend-down to Medicaid. Okay... any unusual deductions from the bank would have been noted at that time. Your parents apparently didn't have a lot, since Medicaid was being applied for. And about the house -- it isn't unusual for a house to be unloaded below market value when someone wants to divest themselves of the property. Was your mother able to keep all this money as the community spouse? Was your father able to spend down successfully?

If your sister received a lot of money from your parents, I would have expected Medicaid to notice it immediately. They must have missed a lot.

Are you a new person? I am confused now.

The people in the group are not clairvoyant. We only know the facts written. If you think there has been mismanagement of money, contact Adult Protective Services in your parents' county. A POA is required to give accounting of their activities when asked. If it is determined she has misused the POA, then they will deal with her.

This is not about old resentments or bad feelings. This is about fraud. The sister had claimed items from the estate as hers. She, as POA, has taken the estate as her own, using all the items in her household, for her own benefit, without the consent of the brother, and without his knowledge. She also has complete control of the parents finances and he has no knowledge of how their money is being used and since she has confiscated all the furnishings of the home, including the fine china, which is valuable, what is she doing with the money.

The son has asked for an accounting of the estate sale and finances and has not gotten a response. He has made attempts over the years to make "amends" with the sister and has met extreme hostility. The parents have always said everything is to be split 50-50 and it has been expected by the son that all their money would be spent in caring for their needs but it appears that it is actually being spent on the daughters needs and that is what this is about. In addition to the furniture situation, the reliable source verbalized that the POA, immediately after placing the mother in a home, wrote herself a sizable check due to being a "disabled daughter" and also having a "disabled child" from the parents account. She has also possibly been "hiding" money in a separate bank account, according to the same source. Again, that seems to be fraudulent, in my opinion, because from what I understand, the POA is to use all the client's money for the client's benefit...not for the POA's benefit.

Additionally, as mentioned, is the fact that the parents are now separated after 65 years of marriage. This is unbelievable!! It indicates exactly how MEAN spirited the sister is. She is only concerned with her own needs, wanting control of the situation rather than wanting what is best for her parents.

Yes, I am "in the family" but it still seems that this is fraudulent behavior and is not based on feelings but is based on the misappropriation of funds by a person that has wrested POA from a family member that had only the best interests of his parents in his heart and mind and is now selfishly serving her own best interest, so "moving on" and "feeling grateful" that she has taken care of all these things is nothing more than a bunch of malarkey and his parents have not been taken care of well because his mother has had to move four times in the last year because she wasn't placed in the right care level the first time and she wasn't placed with her husband to start with and she has fallen 5 times in the last month because she isn't supervised like she should be. Both my husband and I are RN's and we are knowledgeable about senior care and their needs and would have been pro-active and she would have been much more alert at this point in her life because she would have been with her husband and he would have helped keep her oriented to day, date, place and people. As it is now, she has lost all of that because no one is there to help her with constant input and her daughter has isolated her from us by taking her so far away we can't get to her on a daily basis like we can her husband. Now...tell us exactly why we should be soooo thankful??

As I read through the sins of the sister, the only thing that came to my mind was I would feel grateful that someone had taken care of all these things. That was a lot of work. As Ismiami said, if it was just old furniture, then count yourself glad that you didn't have to help find a place to donate it. I get the feeling this is more about bad feelings from the past than what is going on at present. It sounds like your parents have been cared for very well. About their money, I don't know.

Your mom has dementia. Not your fault and not your sister's fault. Your sister didn't cause your mom's decline this is a progressive disease. You can let your childhood resentment of your sister eat you up or you can get to therapy and learn to live your life. Stop fighting over china.

18 months ago ypur mom's life was different....her ALZ got tot the point it was diagnosed and she lost her husband. Non of these are sister's doing. Try to get over your resentment of ypur sister.......whether justified or not.....who cares.

Spend your energy on sharing some pleasant time with mom.

Sounds like your sister has a bunch of old furniture, which by your own admission had low resale.

Take a clue from the Disney movie about 2 sisters and Let It Go.

As POA, your sister can do whatever she pleases with your mom's possessions, if her POA gives her authority over her finances. You can try to claim some form of abuse, but I doubt you'd succeed in prevailing. Her position of selling mom's item to pay for care will probably be believed, even if she's lying.

Until 18 months ago Mom took care of my dad with Parkinson's dementia and weakness. I alone supported them with home maintenance and obtaining resources to keep them living on their own. Mom did grocery shopping and housekeeping as well as taking care of dad. Sister came around rarely to only complain about mom's housekeeping and inability to keep dad according to her standards. But she did call her daily to vent about her own problems. Sister’s husband took them to the doctor (he was paid). Sister did come around and plan and run the family for holidays to make sure everyone danced to her music. Sister and I have never gotten along and she has only been involved with me to try to put bad blood between my family and my parents. Sister has independently managed to estrange herself from my children and grandchildren. She is a royal pain in the butt. She is mentally disabled. She has a mixed anxiety disorder and narcissistic personality.

Eighteen months ago dad became incontinent and became unable to ambulate. An unrelated illness urgently sent him to the hospital and when discharged he was sent to rehab at a nursing home. At that time my sister presented her POAs obtained in secret over mom and dad and had them both declared mentally incompetent to manage their affairs. She had apparently been a signatory on their monetary accounts and had used their money to get a lawyer to put her in charge. I had earlier dated POAs but they were no longer valid. Sister made accusations to everyone that I was a bad person and was neglecting my parents. She got on the phone with mom every day and worked her up into a frenzy yelling at me to let sister manage her affairs. Her lawyer called me and asked me to stop calling my mom and harassing her (patently untrue). She signed dad into a nursing home for good and moved mom to assisted living. I consulted a lawyer who wanted over 20,000 dollars to attempt to have a guardian appointed but that I would have to prove sister was abusing them. I really could not fight my sister with my parents own money. My parents just wanted my sister and I to “get along and split things 50-50”. One could see their mental state was deteriorating and irrational in the crisis.
Mom lasted a few months in independent living many miles away near my sister. She decompensated and fully evidenced Alzheimer’s dementia for which she had been recently diagnosed. She transferred to assisted living then deteriorated even further to a “memory care” unit. She no longer recognizes me.
As part of the moves out of the private home my sister arranged a Medicaid spend down for dad and made a deal with the assisted living place to sell my parent’s belongings and move her. Sister spent about 20,000 dollars to prepare the house for sale and then she sold their house in 2 days through an agent in her county at less than 75 percent of market value. I just learned through a trustworthy visitor to my sister’s house, who identified that my parents stuff was not in fact not sold. My sister has furnished her house with things she wants from the “estate” and stored the rest in her basement.
I thought that a POA was supposed to act in the subject’s best interest and not take their possessions for their use. Surely the furniture, even though it is good stuff and in great condition, is not worth much. There is some fine old imported china and other things of value only to me sentimentally. It galls me to be lied to continuously and accused of ignoring my parents while my parent’s home was sold at far below market value and their stuff stolen. My sister moved all of their stuff even before I knew she was moving. She would not even consider offering keepsakes which I did ask for. She did give me a painting of myself (ugly) and some photos of her family.
My mom is now getting “appropriate” care she requires. She decompensated the moment that she was separated from my dad and he has no short term memory or insight. They have been married 65 years and never apart since dad retired from the navy 60 years ago. If I had POA I would make sure that my parents were back together since mom is teetering on requiring a nursing home with memory care.
Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s just before sister took control of her affairs 18 months ago. Sister made sure that happened so no one could get POA back from her. . Mom was healthy otherwise except for a chronic UTI for which she was reluctant to get treated appropriately.
I found out mom had moved the day after everything was gone. I called her and she did not answer the phone so I went over and discovered them leaving.
Sister has not spent a penny on mom and dad. She seems to be doing well unemployed and on disability, with a large well-appointed house, a ski boat and driving a new luxury car. Vacations are regular. Her husband is out of work possibly receiving retirement and early social security.
I realize a POA stops at death but if the POA has everything already what good is a will?
Mom has failed because she is in unfamiliar environment which has changed several times in 18 months. Dad kept her mind active and reset her mentation every day to baseline. When together mom could not hear and dad could not remember. Their MD stated that together each filled in the gaps in the other and were able to cope with daily life independently with help with the house.
I was willing to let my sister arrange care of my parents. I got my life back, managing one less household and mom and dad are getting OK physical care. My sister still manages to mentally abuse them telling lies about everyone. I have found her evil notes left on their tables. She finally got wise and quit leaving evidence. They are surely alone living in different counties far away from everyone except my sister. My sister is evil and she only acts on selfish motives which is not illegal unfortunately.

You say "The value in mom's things is mostly sentimental". It makes sense to me that your sister could make use any furniture that she liked rather than donating it or trying to sell it for what probably would have amounted to very little. The items you would like as keepsakes are a little more problematic if you don't have a good relationship with your sister. Have you actually asked her about things you would like to have? Perhaps if you asked for something for your children/grandchildren she would be more receptive?
It seems that your mom is in the right place getting the care she needs, so it seems your sister HAS been doing what is best for her.

There really isn't enough information here to offer an opinion.

What do you mean that she "secretly" obtained POA?

Are you saying that you did not know your mother's location each time she moved? How long was it before you discovered where she was, and how did you find out?

Did your sister "buy" the items she is using? Did mother give them to her? What is sister's explanation?

A will has no bearing on this situation at all. A will applies when someone dies.

Does Mom have dementia? Who cared for her before her moves?

Fedrddd, did you have daily hands-on care for your Mom or was your sister your Mom's primary or only Caregiver? Does your Mom have Alzheimer's/Demetria, and if yes, how long ago was your Mom diagnosed? What other medical issues did your Mom have? That information would help us understand more about what is going on.