I need advice. My Dad is in the VA needing physical rehab really badly and he often needs to be reminded what day / year it is and where he is. Once filled in, he holds the position all day. When not briefed on the current life situation, he can regress, and look into his memories to fill in the missing information. So he will look around, and if he sees a lot of flags all around, and what looks like uniforms, he thinks he's in a holding camp during a war. Silly stuff like that. He doesn't DO anything about it, but speaks of "whether or not they will ever accept our way of life". Kind of cute, it's fun to correct him. What I'm afraid of if he doesn't get "re-directed" to reality, is he just going to sink farther and farther into his memories and become like the old men that do nothing but stare at a wall all day? I think even if that is all he's going to do, he should do it in a pleasant setting, not starting at old farts crazier than he is. He has the money, and I've found a retirement place that will work for him that we can afford, and yet I am not the POA, my sibling is. I am afraid he is just going to say no to it, let him stay in the VA, where he might get a visit from a family member once a week. I live 3000 miles away and have decided to stay here until we find a spot where people will like to visit him and where he has a chance at happiness. I don't know what I'm going to do if my sibling refulses to use his power of attorney to spend my Dad's money on my Dad. I can not get legal about it, I have to stay family - I have other family members who need my support so I can't just write off this sibling. I need to keep the relationship intact. I think he wants to bring him home, he thinks he cares for him as well as the doctors, and ignores the fact that there are others in the household whose life the constant attention an invalid needs would affect. Is this to long and rambling of a question, I hope not.
1) Do you have a handicapped sister? Is she relying on Mom and Dad's money?
2) What is your question for us?
I've read your previous posts, trying to piece together the story. It sounds like your brother, the POA, wants to use the VA benefits your father is entitled to in order to conserve money to take care of a sister. Do you have a handicapped sister?
You say that the VA is taking very good care of your father. You seem to think he will not get as many visits there as he would if he were somewhere else. Why is that? Location? Since you are 3000 miles away I assume that where he is living won't make any difference in the number of visits you make. Who will visit him more often in one place rather than in another?
It might be helpful if you explain the entire situation, rather than pieces of it in different posts.
Having a loved one with dementia is very challenging and difficult to accept. That he is considered "aggressive" is a huge worry. Being so far away adds to the stress.
You live 3000 miles away and your sense of guilt will not allow you to accept his situation. You need some counseling to accept reality. Typically a person in denial on this forum will rephrase and repost the question hoping the answers will somehow change. They don't change. So you have a choice, post it again somewhere else, or accept the reality that Dad needs 24/7 care.