My mother lived with me and my husband last year. During that time I got POA for her and we put her assets into a trust with me as trustee.
My sister convinced mother that I had stolen her money and took her to live with her ... about 2 hours away. She cut off communication- me and other members of the family- and isolated my mother. Apparently she also told mother that my brother was dead and wouldn't let him talk to her either.
Sister shopped for a lawyer who would take her word for everything and not do any investigation (one lawyer did investigate and would not file a lawsuit)... and last April I got papers saying I was being sued. Not just me, but the bank where the trust account was held, the broker and brokerage house, and the lawyer and law firm where the trust was written. All being sued.. out of the blue.. for a half a million dollars each. Believe me, on my best day I am worth no where near a tenth of that!
I didn't know it at the time, but Sister had told mothers doctors that she was allergic to her aricept and namenda and had her taken off those medications. Mother had deteriorated to the point where she could no longer dial a phone (I felt really bad when I discovered this cause I had thought all along that if she wanted to talk to me she could call).. she couldn't make coffee.. nor could she work the remote on her television.
Sister moved mother to a senior apartment (not quite assisted living.. not much assistance) where mother continued to deteriorate. She couldn't order from a menu and lost weight- I'm guessing down to about 90 pounds.
When I called sisters house to tell her our new phone number sister told me mother had moved to assisted living and didn't want to hear from me.
I found mother and went to visit that first weekend. She was pitiful. Had trouble speaking... couldn't get her words out. She was delighted to see me and even happier to hear that my brother was not dead as my sister had told her!
After two weeks of visiting her I asked if she wanted to come back home with us.. she did. We moved her back in with us.
The week we moved her my sister used her POA to empty out her bank accounts and sell her car. She also has some valuable personal property that mother wants returned.
Knowing my sister, the money is gone and the valuables sold. I doubt there is anything left to get back... maybe a little satisfaction. This took place in another county two hours away. We would have to file criminal charges there and go to court there. I'd have to miss work to take care of it. We are talking about $20,000 or so in cash and about $15,000 or so in personal property.
Mother and I went to the lawyer who had drawn up the POA I had from last year today and had a new one drawn up. Mother revoked sisters POA a month ago. The lawyer told mother that sister had made several inquiries into the POA mother had given me, questioning mothers competency to do so and asking whether mothers signature was notarized or could it have been forged~!
Sheesh!
Mother also drew up a new will today. She wants to cut sister completely out of any inheritance. I think what she ended up doing was writing it up that sister inherits the things that she stole and the money she stole and nothing else. I was out of the room when they did the will. The lawyers wanted to make sure I was not influencing her. Unlike the lawyer that filed the suit against me, by the way. Mother says that sister always talked to that lawyer and the lawyer didn't listen to her at all. In fact, the POA that lawyer wrote for sister gave her the authority to testify in court for mother, without mother even taking part!
I called elder abuse hotline, but they have done nothing so far. The county attorney isn't interested in prosecuting because sister had poa when she took the stuff and transferred mothers money out of her accounts and sold her highlander for an unknown amount of cash (or maybe traded it for a new car- the dealership where we found the highlander wouldn't tell us if it was a trade-in)...
So.. how do I proceed. My desire is to be done with lawyers for a while and hopefully never speak to sister again. If we find a way to prosecute her I will have to deal with lawyers and probably be in the same room with her again.. and it will continue to cause mother grief.
From my perspective, dear sister cut off communication with family, isolating mother. Took her off her medications and caused her to mentally deteriorate, then put her in a position where she could not function (a senior apartment where she was expected to care for herself and order food from a menu) which caused her continued physical decline. She got POA, filed suit to get hold of the money in the trust. The lawyer conspired to help her do this by giving her a POA that included being able to testify and give a deposition.
I would love to go after the lawyer, but I hate legal stuff.. court. etc.
Any suggestions
If you can find a way to show where your Mom's funds were spent.
I believe any institution that is holding accounts under a POA agreement (as long as the POA signed the checks or documents as POA) needs to report to IRS if anything is out of ordinary or suspects that the POA is abusing the power of attorney.... "Fiduciary Duty".
I
awareness, respect and compassion..
as we all get older, and we switch roles with our parents,so many old fears and issues never resolved from childhood seem to rise up and distort our way of thinking.
i have been thru -still fighting for-something simlar but not as severe as what u r going thru-
i still havent found the answers,but i do know that i still am learning to let go of some of the hurt and rage that is caused by such frightened and selfish family memebers/
which is easier said than done-
but we have to pick our battles,some things are beyond our control-will not be changed-in the long run,some issues arent worth it because it beomes more of a fight to be right,rather than taking are of the problem at hand.-and all this has a direct effect on us- on our health-mental and physical-
there seems to be much $ involved, but if it will
rob u of your health and energy,mental and physical, you wont win, even if u do-
i send u patience and positive energy,
u will get thru this, listen to your inner self, your intuition, whatever u decide to do,will be the right because u will be coming from a true and loving place- your heart-
i send u millions of hugs---------
and love-
k
were u 2 close before?
were there any red flags in your past relationship that may have showed signs of her acting so abusive and selfish-
that u can see now?
or doesnt it make a difference-whats done is done and who cares why?
i hope i am not being out of line-
k
k
Get it now or it will be lost and make them responsible for releasing your mom's funds. You don;t need a attorney !!! you need evedience and witnesses. You can fill out a civil suite against her yourself. You do not need a attorney to set up a POA . Goggle it and print it from the state you live in have your mom sign and get it notierized with witness to make official. And Last CALL DEPT OF AGING FILE COMPLAINT ON EXPLOTATION OF ELDERLY . I am sorry this has happened to you MY SISTER DID THE SAME THING !!!! AND MUCH WORSE not only did she isolate her but had all these credit cards out in my mom's name and even bought her self a truck and furniture in mom's name . Good luck ! write your sister off like I did and go with a civil lawsuit .Most likely she wont show up to court ,this will place atomatic judgement againt her and then have it docated with the court all cost about $100 and place a lien against her . Do it now there is A 2 YEAR LIMITATION OF TIME . HOPE THIS HELPS
Sister had POA, so she will be difficult to prosecute for theft. However, she still should give a financial accounting of where all the money went. We can demand an accounting in court, if need be.
I am shocked that a POA would give the right to give testimony in court. More and more it seems like a conspiracy to me.
Anyway, I may just end up convincing this attorney to take her case and sue my sister for all the stuff she stole, and the money from her highlander.
we will see. Small progress here, though.
Mother said Dear Sis took even her diamond ring off her finger and refused to give it back... she even had it resized!
Sister was always a big bully. Nobody's opinion mattered but her own. I never figured her to be a thief, though. Turns out she has done exactly what she accused me of doing.
Makes me wonder. When we were moving my mothers furniture out of the senior apartment, Dear Sister watched from her car and took pictures. When she finally came within speaking distance she said "the judge will just LOVE these pictures!".. and then accused me of being on drugs and needing my mother's money. She said "you'll never see a dime of her money"... At the time I didn't know what she ment. Now I know it ment she would steal everything she could.
I think since I've lost 55 pounds in the last year (stress will do that to you!) she thinks I must be on drugs. Doesn't help that my son was arrested for drugs a couple of years ago and recently went to jail on a probation violation- xanax in his system. Sister has held that over my head... and acting like it was somehow my fault that he is an addict. He's 24. I don't control his actions anymore.
With my job I am responsible for ... well, alot of money. I'm over 4 convenience stores and in charge of all the inventory, the money, theft control.. etc. If my employer were to have any inkling that I was a thief--or on drugs -- I wouldn't keep my job for long. Fortunately my employer is aware of my sister..and the lawsuit.
Otherwise it could be alot worse.
Oh, and my sister also bought two recording devices from Radioshack and charged them to my mothers credit card. She put one recording device on mothers' phone at the senior apartment and recorded all her incoming calls. I am guessing the other went on her own home phone? No idea.
My sister is nuts.