It has been a month since I have visited my mother. I cannot avoid her forever, she does need some assistance with transportation. She has set up some appointments that I will be taking her to. She is an emotionally draining individual because of her emotional neediness and emotional immaturity. Any suggestions on how to prepare myself emotionally for my own emotional wellbeing. It is hard maintaining emotional and physical boundaries with my elderly mother when I am around her. The anger along with the guilt just doesn't seem to ever go away. I have come to feel she is more of an obligation than a mother I can love and want to care for. I actually love my dog more than my mother. I resent any time I spend with her and dwell on these feelings before and after being with her. Any positive feedback would greatly be apprciated.
When we took the kids to see her right before Easter, she proudly showed off the spinny colored water toy AND the toys from Boston I took her after my kids tired of thm: a colored water hourglass thingy and a pop-eyed baby dino my 6 year old drove us crazy with, popping out his eyes for an entire day in the car.
After mthr showed them off, the 6 year old started turning over the toys to make them "go", and she waved him off - "He will break my things! Get him away!" It was more than three months since we had brought the kids over last because she had verbally abused the teenager, yet she could not be sweet to those who gave her the very toys she was protecting.
Point is, NOTHING we do is going to make her any different than who she has always been. What is different is how we react to her. I don't *need* to visit anymore, I only go when I want to, and I take a witness to support me if/when she goes on the attack.
Elder Abuse accusations are probably the last way these folks can attempt to control us. A witness is important for this reason alone - forgotten fall's bruises can be blamed on us, and missing/misplaced items certainly will be. But not to our faces, of course.
My witness is simply to validate my feelings about what I have let roll off my back, and congratulate me on not reacting.