My husband (the oldest of 4 sons) is POA and administer of his family trust. One of the middle sons age 56 has already borrowed $60,000. The will has noted he has rc'd an advance. He is now asking to "borrow" more funds (at least $35,000). He has never held a steady job and has twice been in rehab. He does nothing to help with her care or upkeep of the family home despite living 40 mins away. My husband has told him that that MIL (age 85) does not have money to loan/give away and also if she needed medicaid at some point the 5 year look back policies make it so she / the family trust cannot give him money. How do we, along with the two other brothers, prevent this middle brother from pressuring her to change her will, POA and and give him money? Family trust currently list my husband as the administer, but it is still under MIL SS#. We were recently told we need to get an separate tax id # for the trust. My husband and youngest brother are hoping to arrange a meeting with the elder law attorney my mother has used. Thank you in advance for your sage advice - I know it is coming.
I didn't go through my mom and step-dad's house while my mother was in the nursing home for 4 years before she died. I waited until after she had died and I had some help from other family members to know exactly what belonged to her and what belonged to my step-dad. Not having enough room in my own house and garage for many extra items, I only selected a few but important items. The largest part of my inheritance came from the accounts, CDs and investments that my mother had personally that she had made me joint owner of with suvivorship years ago. She had her money separate from my step-dad's money and they had a joint account together which is what they lived off of. Her long term care insurance policy turned out to be a great choice.
I highly doubt that I will inherit much form my dad who has Alzhiemer's and Parkinson's because unlike my mom, his money is not in any separate accounts that I am joint owner of. Instead, what is not spent on his care at home with 24/7 caregivers working in 8 hour shifts minus what his long term care insurance policy covers will be divided equally between my step-sister who is the POA and Executor of the Will, my step-brother who does not get along with my dad, and with me with the adjustment that my third will be divided between myself and our two boys. That is fine with me for that is how he and my step-mother wrote everything up in their joint will.
You and your husband will survive being sandwiched between both mothers with all of the extra challenges that lay before you because of that. Remember to do some nice things for yourselves both individually and as a couple. I'll give you the same advice that young parents are often told, don't loose each other while your raising children which in this situation needs re-wording into don't loose each other while tending to aging mothers. I wish you the best and know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and the light is not an oncoming train.
cmagnum is right, get full Guardian status NOW before the lazy slob drains her dry. If brother wants to challenge that, he can pay for his own attorney, out of his funds and not by the Trust.