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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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It may help if you are able to discover what is causing your husband to have this anxiety. Is he afraid to be alone? Is he afraid that something will happen to you?
If he is afraid that something will happen to you when he is not there to "protect you". Telling him that you will be with someone that he knows and trusts may help alleviate this fear.
If he is afraid to be alone, then having a neighbor of friend "stop by" to visit with him while you take a break may work.
I have contacted neighbors and friends "behind the scenes" and asked them to invite my husband out to lunch so that I can have time to myself. This has worked out very well for us.
I also have a couple of different friends that come to visit with their husband. We plan beforehand for their husband to pair up with my husband so that I am free to go out with my girlfriend. This has worked out well for us too.
I also bought a used elliptical machine for the days that I need to take a walk and can't get away. Just hopping on the machine with a book helps me immensely.
To be honest, at first, it felt dishonest and manipulative to work out these "play dates" without my husband knowing. Now, I see that it is a necessary part of caregiving.
My dad wasn't cooperative with my step mom needing respite - he was always a control freak and would raise a fuss about her leaving. You will get to the point where you are going to just have to do it whether he wants you to or not. Find good people to sit with him, get him meds, but you are going to break without a break.
Oh, well, if he is not aware of his condition, it might be more challenging, but, is still doable. Have you discussed it with his doctor? Do you sense that he's just obsessed with not letting you out of his site OR is he afraid? I ask, because, my LO was afraid of things, because she sensed that something was wrong. She would ask me if things were real, was she dreaming or why things looked so different. She couldn't work things either and it scared her. The remote, the tv, the microwave, etc. Reading wasn't satisfying to her either, so, having me there with her gave her comfort. Often she's just say that she was scared. If you're seeing anything like that, I'd explore medication for anxiety. That really helped my LO a lot.
I like the suggestions above, but, if you can't get him to agree, then, I'd have to get the time away anyway. When people are not able to make rational decisions, then they just can't keep driving the bus and you have to make decisions that are for your own welfare as well as his.
Can you invite a friend to come and visit and after he arrives, say that you have to run a quick errand? This would have to be prearranged with the 'visitor'. Friend/relative or otherwise. Have you looked into adult daycare centers? If you can find one that sounds good, make arrangements to go for lunch one day. Stay with him through some early afternoon activities. If he seems to like it, suggest you give it a try when you have "haircut, nail salon or some other thing he would never want to go to". Dementia can give a person a serious feeling of insecurity. That may be what is going on. Alternatively, can you plan something that would give pleasure to both of you? For example, go to a little league baseball game and bring a book to read while he watches the game. This is the best I can offer but I know others on this site will have great ideas. Good luck and take care of yourself.
Does your husband understand that he has dementia or that he is impaired? My husband did, and that made this a little easier for me. I could be direct and honest. "I need you to cooperate with going to the day program three days a week. I am trying my hardest to make it possible for you to stay at home. I need some time I can count on for going into the office [I worked from home] and taking care of my own appointments. You need to to your part, too."
At the quarterly conferences when the social worker asked, "What is your reason for being here," he always answered, "So Jeanne can have some time to herself."
Obviously simply laying out the truth will NOT work for everyone. But when it does, it sure makes things easier!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If he is afraid that something will happen to you when he is not there to "protect you". Telling him that you will be with someone that he knows and trusts may help alleviate this fear.
If he is afraid to be alone, then having a neighbor of friend "stop by" to visit with him while you take a break may work.
I have contacted neighbors and friends "behind the scenes" and asked them to invite my husband out to lunch so that I can have time to myself. This has worked out very well for us.
I also have a couple of different friends that come to visit with their husband. We plan beforehand for their husband to pair up with my husband so that I am free to go out with my girlfriend. This has worked out well for us too.
I also bought a used elliptical machine for the days that I need to take a walk and can't get away. Just hopping on the machine with a book helps me immensely.
To be honest, at first, it felt dishonest and manipulative to work out these "play dates" without my husband knowing. Now, I see that it is a necessary part of caregiving.
I like the suggestions above, but, if you can't get him to agree, then, I'd have to get the time away anyway. When people are not able to make rational decisions, then they just can't keep driving the bus and you have to make decisions that are for your own welfare as well as his.
Alternatively, can you plan something that would give pleasure to both of you? For example, go to a little league baseball game and bring a book to read while he watches the game. This is the best I can offer but I know others on this site will have great ideas. Good luck and take care of yourself.
At the quarterly conferences when the social worker asked, "What is your reason for being here," he always answered, "So Jeanne can have some time to herself."
Obviously simply laying out the truth will NOT work for everyone. But when it does, it sure makes things easier!