Maybe you've seen me more active as of late. I made a promise to myself last year I was going to find a way out of here, out of this role, and out of this house. It's been too long, too much F.O.G., and tired of the feeling of constant desperation and constantly doubting my sanity, my need for freedom and what happens if i leave. I could stay, but I really don't want to. I'm being weaker in certain ways trying to be assertive and end up being aggressive and the only one hurt.
I've already got deep plans about where to go, When, is hesitant for multiple unpractical and practical reasons, but it will be a hard no longer than May. Also I know I will definitely need therapy once I leave here. I'm looking into that also with the area to live. I honestly don't think I would be safe with myself if I leave without a support to work with. So therapy will be that.
The biting issue that has me feeling absolutely torn is, what to do about my parents... My dad is 68 i believe (i don't keep close track of ages as much), he has mobility issues (no feeling in the feet and weak legs, which has him bed and wheelchair bound when going to appointments), I suspect dementia on top of his naturally demanding and shifting personality (he's always been that way, but the stroke he had years ago and this possibility make it magnified and predictable, but not easy to deal with). He needs a lot of physical care, but refuses to do some things for himself unless i aggressively refuse (which is psychologically harming me and not him). Also I'm not as strong physically (even with exercise) as I was in high school. It's hard to shift his weight in a sling these days and I no longer what to do that much longer for both of our sake. Mom is 70 something, has arthritis in the hands, has to use a cane intermittently for knee troubles, and possibly dementia or something slowly creeping up on top of her natural personality similar to dad's but not as frequent (she's a little easier to deal with these days). She has limited hand strength, but is able to cook, do a little dish washing, and sweeping. Her mind is ok enough to do dad's medicine, take care of bills and she's able to get around more with my assistance to drive her to appointments, errands, etc.
Knowing this, exactly what is the experience you may have had with calling an AOA (Area on Aging). What happens? How much of my or possibly my brother's involvement is necessary? And if say they need to place my parents, could they place them in the same facility or is it a chance they'd be separated?
Any answer can be helpful. I'm really trying to get a good idea of what may happen. I may not like, or even stand them at times, but I am not the type of person to be a "butt" and abandon them. No matter how much I feel that, I cannot bring myself to do such a thing. It's the decent thing I can do for them as human beings.
One last thing, if there are other agency I should investigate that you may know of, I'm interesting in hearing it. I have to balance this fear with some rationality. Thank you all.
Carol
Keep in touch and let us know how things work out.
I've been packed since last month. If i can get myself moved out late this month (for practical reasons) or early June, I would leave with only necessities and one piece of entertainment. I have a large duffel I have pack and keep rechecking to make sure it would be too heavy, and an overstuffed bookbag that was filled with necessary electronics items (I had to unpack it because dad had an appointment to day). The entertainment item is something i need to figure out how to take with me. I don't want to seem very odd with a load of electronics and a fat bag. So I'm keeping a check on that end.
Home. While I keep low profile on still planning to leave, my dad is trying to rally things together. I'm in an honest wait and see on that. He has gotten himself into his wheelchair without using the sling (At point it could have gone wrong, but his arms are stronger than they were last year). I'm not comfortable with him doing that, but I decided not to stress myself worrying about what happens right now. I'm letting him do what he needs, and letting them figure that out, and I'm keeping my mouth as closed as I can. A uh huh and nod, and move on.
Brother is coming Monday for our family meeting. I'm interested in what may happen, but I need to be smart and keep an open mind, but still protect myself incase there may be a wrong.
Also keeping my head sane has been a struggle the last few days, because of some memories coming up. Whatever does happen, I know for a fact therapy will be my number 1 priority once something opens up more.
Vicky, I'm actually going to try again after this next week to tell them. But I do need to stand a bit stronger. Even though I crumbled a bit at the end before, I did surprise myself at how long I was able to manage in general. Once I get tired though, it's hard to keep my head up against the odds. Also I need to find a laundromat as I really don't know where one is around here. They aren't common in my particular location. It may be a drive, but I will keep washing until I leave.
I want to know. Let's say I stand up and do end up moving out. Is it possible to still call APS to do a check on my parents to make sure they are cared for? My brother said he would stay in my place if I should leave, but I have this inkling about that. I don't want make a "fulfilling prophecy" of anything horrible, but this year the gut, the intuition is definitely fired up and won't back down until I do something.
Also bless you all for your contribution, as I said I am reading and putting things together behind the scenes, and plan to do something this month.
Well, foggy parents as I like to call them, hate to loose. For them, it is not important how they play their game as long as they don't lose. To an emotional blackmailer, keeping our trust, respecting how we feel, or being fair does not matter. The usual give and take of a normal, healthy relationship does not exist for them for it is all about them, what they want, and their getting what they want for themselves.
To finalize, my brother will be here taking care of my parents, they don't want outside help, and I'm preparing to leave this karmic disaster behind and make good memories.
I'll probably do another update eventually, but i'll stop by now and then to read.
Why do people do this to others? I'm just feeling some kind of way right now.
You need a councilor or therapist for you and will need someone when you do move...to help you through the doubts and depression that may kick in...years of trauma do not go away over night.
Have you talked with your PCP about depression? make sure you have back up and a plan for yourself. A local support group? etc.
Best for a calmer life with good memories! Find some new friends at a local senior center or house of worship.
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