Is it possible to hire a licensed professional fiduciary to have as a consultant to help the elderly person and POA to track expenses and investments etc etc, but also guide as far as overall approach to care with aging, and advise on choices , what to spend on, what type of facility and care is best given the assets one has etc, without any process of court appointed guardian / conservator? In other words the person has given POA to sons, but both parties voluntarily want an independent person to oversee things ? Can that be Done ? I read someone that the licensed fiduciaries are few and far between , so maybe that means they are only available for court mandated guardian scenarios ?
You can hire a care manger and a financial advisor but, giving all that to 1 person seems like temptation, imo.
Best way to get recommend on one is to call an elder law attorney office, as they deal with them all the time in their work in the courts. They are involved in the care of many seniors with no family.
About five years ago the going price in California was about 90.00 and hour. I would imagine at least 120.00 an hour now, perhaps 150.00 an hour.
I think that if you are going to request State guardianship on Dad, as once you were thinking perhaps you would do, this will come with the territory; the state employs them as part of the management and guardianship.
The thought from my point of view is sort of, equivalent of “resigning POA “ while still retaining the ability to advocate where I see the need ….and temporarily....
in this way, it takes a lot of the work off me but I still have some say ….
then eventually in time I could stop the fiduciary and go back to doing it myself it things change.
As discussed when I asked about resigning POA, that would be a permanent move.....
A Geriatric Care Manager handled the other parts of the puzzle.
Honestly IMO, it wasn't inexpensive and ate up more of the assets than it was worth however, if that is what the client wanted that is what we did.
It appears that you are still Struggling with being the POA, understandable when one is dealing with a person such as your father, however, keep in mind, this too shall pass with a dementia patient, as the disease progresses he will change. In his case one would hope that it would stabilize the personality.
My step-mother who was in MC became more calm and easier to deal with as the disease progressed.
Unfortunately, ppl accept becoming a POA without fully understanding what it entails....a whole bunch of important decisions! You basically have another persons life in your hands.
As you know, you can rescind your obligation as a POA in writing at any time.
Take care of you!
"Dad, if you don't trust us, we're more than happy to resign our POA and get rid of ALL this work we do on your behalf which now you want to go over with a fine tooth comb to make sure we're not stealing from you. This has cost US time away from our families and we're getting ulcers from ALL of this. Just let us know NOW if we should resign our POA and have the state take over for us. Once that happens, your life choices are in THEIR hands. Your choice. Just let us know in a few days how YOU choose to proceed."
Put the ball back in HIS court and let him decide how his life and affairs should be managed. By sons who love him or by an apathetic state who could give a flying fig about him.
There comes a time with difficult elders and dementia that you must get real with them. You cannot put YOUR health on the line for HIM or dad may wind up outliving you, God forbid. Tough love. It's warranted now. He can have bank statements that come in the mail every month but that's it. You won't be questioned over every dollar spent on his behalf and be micromanaged and controlled that way. Nope.
If he has investments, statements usually come every quarter. Again, he sees what he has and comes in and what goes out. Hopefully will convince him that no one is stealing from him.
limit your visits. Tell Dad he’s burning you out with is OCD . Tell him to relax he has plenty of money ( whether he does or doesn’t ) . Hopefully if he gets to the point of money getting low he would have stopped asking by then .
My FIL kept asking if he was running out of money , even on his deathbed .