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Now apply all the good things you tried to do for her all the time to yourself and you will go far. All the things you have mentioned, such as cooking healthy meals, etc are qualities you still have that you can do for others and yourself. Make your life better. You can do it. You were already doing it, so you have all the experience and have learned a lot, so start anew! Of course, you may have to keep tabs from time to time, if you think you're up for it, but just approach it a new way from a new location, perspective.
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Sugarboo--
Reading your post I had to go back twice to realize your age---53? You sounded like a kid--and I bet you feel like one too, an abused, unappreciated kid.

And this will be the way it is until you stop it.

There are so many ways to "help yourself". You could be a paid companion to someone NOT your mother and supply loving, healthy care for them, if mom doesn't appreciate you. Or very likely you'll qualify for some low income housing--wouldn't just about anything be better than where you are? Quietly look into all your available avenues of escape.

It's easy to say "walk away." It's super hard to do it. I myself have to step away from mother frequently as she is the main "trigger" of my self loathing and anxieties. Even at 60, with her approaching 90, she can still make a mean spirited comment that will blow me away. I spent half of yesterday with her, and all of today in bed with a raging migraine.
What will brother and sister do when you do walk away? They are in for a shock. But that will be THEIR problem. Take care of you, we hear this over and over. You cannot care for someone else if nobody is taking care of the caregiver.

Just a word--people who wait around for the "inheritance" are often very, very surprised and very unhappy about how it all shakes out. I personally know that even though you may "deserve" a portion of your mom's estate, it could be that she has written you out of any will and you've given all this time and energy for naught.

Be strong, please take care of yourself.
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