Im ready to discuss with my siblings the idea of Assisted Living for our father. I know it will not go over well but Ive had it. In his case, he is not in bad physical health. he cannot live by himself but he does not need constant care. The main problem is that he doesnt LISTEN and it effects everything. He doesnt listen especially when it comes to business matters. He wants repairs done and allows himself to get talked into paying much more than he should..then he claims he doesnt remember asking for that and blames me for it or swears hes being scammed. Today he tried to imply that my 14 year old took out a card in his name. Even though I called the Department store to verify when the card was opened and that he walked into the store two years ago and opened the account, he kept insisting it was a scam or identity theft.
He wastes alot of money on MAIL SCAMS. We tell him not to answer those types of calls, not to send money in order to get money..but he doesnt listen. He spends most of the day flrting with the HHA or loudly bragging about my sister within earshot of me. He is completely aware of what he is doing. Im mentally and physically worn out and Ive only been living back home since May. In my mind these are reasons why Dad should be in Assisted Living, but I do not think my siblings will agree. I do want to move but with the winter upon us, I think I will be stuck here for at least a couple of more months. Every day is a battle. I dont blame his behavior on any type of memory loss. He is just a bitter, angry old man..
Word to the wise...if your father has any assets worth protecting (that will be needed for him to have choices in his future care!), take him to see an elder law attorney now. Approach the subject carefully so he doesn't dig in his heels. Since he seems to have the feeling he's being scammed (even when it's his own doing), you could use that as a reason - to get an attorney's advice on how to protect his money from scammers. There are special credit cards now tailored for the elderly that would help control his spending.
This is top priority. Once that's nailed down, you can tackle getting him into senior living.
But I think the real issue is that YOU need to move out and find somewhere else to live, so that you're not totally burned out, whatever happens with your father. Getting him help at home would probably be cheaper than assisted living, but if no other sibling will step in and he doesn't have the money, then you'll have to figure out what to do. But that is really separate and apart from your need to get out of his house. So whatever your siblings say about whether your dad needs assisted living or not, YOU need to find a different place to live. Share the burden of taking care of your father.