I have a problem. I'm a man and I take care of my wife's father and mother. They have dementia and my mother-in-law is in a wheelchair, so they needed someone stronger than my wife to care for them. The problem is that my wife's sisters come over and want to talk with me. I thought it was just visiting their parents, but they started leaving quickly when they heard one of them wanting to be brought from the bedroom to where we were. I chalked it up to not being able to stand to see their parents like that, but wanted to see how they were getting along. Then things started getting kinda weird, the one sister came over dressed in tight cloths and as we talked she kept starring at my pants close to me. She left when the mother called, I checked my zipper and every thing was closed, then the other sister came over. She takes over for me at night and we naturally talk at the changing of the gaurd, about how they were that day and she pulled her shirt off taking off her coat over her head. It was a button up coat and she just started laughing and didn't put her shirt back on. I kept my eyes turned. I just said, I'll see you tomorrow and drove home and a third comes over and wants to talk every day and has rubbed my leg. I am happy married. I think I must just be imaging things. I haven't said anything to my wife, but I'm kind of feeling uncomfortable with them. I don't want to be embarrassed by making a false accusation. I have to be around them when they come to visit there parents, but they do have kind of a history. I feel kind of trapped and self-conscious when they are here. I don't want to say anything to them. I try to stay away from them and not be rude, but I am just not sure what to do. I'm sure I must be mistaken gratitude for something else and the other stuff was just an accident with the shirt. Just not sure what to do kinda hard to even write for advice, but I need some.
Gt, I'd like to believe that you're 100% sincere. Already in this short thread -- where I want to help you, but then I doubt your motives and list reasons why, then I apologize and explain why I feel there are issues with your communication here...
...and you ignore addressing any of that, but instead comment to someone who posted a misspelling... HOW am I supposed to take you seriously, sir?
Good luck to you, and to your family and in laws. If you need help with a caregiving-related issue, this is a great forum for that.
You are the one who needs to set the boundries, and those SIL's need to back off, as it's clearly causing you discomfort.
What has your relationship been like, with these SIL's in the past? If it been "all good", then you should have no problem with saying "hey, WTF"? They could be "pranking" you, but all 3, seem a strange coincidence! You might be putting off a "vibe", and haven't set clear boundries, but obviously need to start NOW!
YES, history says it women who often get unfortunately sexually abused by men, but we all know that it goes both ways, and you need to be the one that puts a stop to it.
If they don't know how much this make you uncomfortable, it's time to set them straight! If that doesn't work, then you must your wife, as the longer this goes on, will begin to look like you are playing along. Then the lines become blurred, and then wifey won't know Who to believe!
You've done the right thing asking for help, now it's time to put it into action! Good luck!
As a victim of hands on sexual harassment decades ago I have NO tolerance for your situation. As the victim I was infuriated! I could be wrong but I think by not telling your Sisters in law to back off you are actually encouraging them! I also think you better tell your wife before someone else tells her! I saw in one of your other posts your wife has nine siblings. Let them figure out how/who needs to care for the elders! You also mentioned you and your wife have a business. I suggest running your business is where you need to be.
Seriously, who takes off a button up coat over their head peeling off their shirt in the process? Then doesn't put their shirt back on? I am not sure this gal would respect boundaries even if you tried to establish them.
If it was just one sister, then this situation would sound real, but 3.... seriously?
Being a woman, there has been many times when I have been approached married or not, that men have made a pass or whatever towards me. All they have to do is see the nasty look on my face and they know they're playing OUT OF BOUNDARY with me, sometimes no words are needed because I can get that dirty look but I have spoken up quite angrily and I don't regret it. Most people can tell who's approachable or not and will try play that game with them. If one of my husband's brothers made an inappropriate pass at me I probably should tell him but I know he would whoop their a** and they would have a newer bigger one! I too would rather have peace in the family, I'm just fortunate I have not experienced that and I understand you wanting to keep the peace.
I'm sorry the sisters are not grateful and super appreciative for all that you have been doing and are willing to do... caring for an aging parent has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my whole 54 years of life !!!
I admire you for stepping up to that role.
I'm choosing to believe now that you are sincere, a little mixed up and need some clarity on what to do and are genuinely seeking help here.
My best wishes to you and keep listening to the others on here, they are very wise!!!
Someone who is being sexually harassed is more likely to focus on the need for it to stop, than dwell on the details of the incident.
But men are also vulnerable to inappropriate advances, harassment and abuse; this is true; and it is not funny; and I for one would like film and tv to stop treating it as a joke as they often do. So I'm going to treat this post as authentic. In spite of reservations that I can't quite decide if the OP is boasting, complaining or dreaming.
GTM if your sisters-in-law really are giving you grief then you need to stop being nice to them about it and tell them to cut it out. Don't smile, don't make excuses. Don't be rude, either. Ask them to leave, and mean it. If it continues, tell your wife what is happening and tell your SILs they will have to visit their mother only when your wife is present. You are are a married man, not a helpless adolescent, and you can see what's under your nose; this isn't "Mrs Robinson you're trying to seduce me! ... Aren't you..?"
You can't simply deflect (again), however, and expect reasonable people to think you're truly seeking help here.
If you would answer the questions and address the input, we can all move on.
Have you told your wife about the scenarios with her sisters that you feel are inappropriate? If you haven't, why haven't you done that, since you "tell her everything?"
I imagine I've faced more casual, everyday sexual harassment in a month than you'll likely face in your lifetime. It's not a contest, but women here do understand harassment and how sneaky it can be, and I would think every one of them have experienced it at some point in their life.
You've been given advice to tell your wife and to verbally establish boundaries with the sisters. You didn't respond to that practical advice, instead you told us that you're relatively large down there and you'll start wearing baggy clothes to not tempt the ladies too much.
That doesn't seem like a logical response/solution.
I'm almost sent you a Hug on your wall, a private message, because I wanted to make sure I wasn't misreading something, but "Conchas" isn't a word I can get my autocorrect to spell... it wants to correct that non-English word to another word, comprende? ;) So I don't get how that word (and especially that word) accidentally entered into your comment.
Help us help you. Don't deflect. Do you plan to heed the practical advice given? I'm not saying you're not a victim, but if you are, then you need to DO something proactive about it, and wearing baggy clothes isn't going to help.
My first comment to you took your situation at face value and acknowledged that it's not easy to say "that makes me uncomfortable, don't do that," but you still have to say it if you want to resolve the situation. You don't have to be hateful or angry... just let them know when they make you uncomfortable. If they are decent people, they will respect your boundaries.
If you really want help, would you please address what's been discussed and asked already, and whether or not you feel you can do what's already been suggested?
They may be jealous of the fact that their sisters husband is an all around nice guy, who has stepped up to the plate and is doing a lot, to help out with his inlaws.
Perhaps their own husband's aren't such nice guys, maybe they are in Suckie marraiages or relationships and they are looking to destroy any happiness their sister has in her marriage to you.
I know that if one of my 3 sisters ever made a play for my husband, they would never hear the end of it, and maybe you know this and that is keeping you from notifying your wife, but she really should know what's going on here.
My own sisters would never hurt me this way, but women can be catty, and maybe they aren't close, and you have something about you, that is endearing and attractive to them, and it isn't necessarily the size of your package, that you shouldn't have to disguise anyways!
You do need to man up, and confront anyone who ever makes you uncomfortable, just like anybody else!
But, if you are some kind of TROLL, and there have been many cases of this type of thing on here before, which is why people are questioning your request for advice, then you are clearly getting exactly what you came here to get, and that is sick in itself! I sincerely hope not, and you are truly coming here for advice, but you will need to come back here and tell us how you've managed to let you wife know your concerns, even if it causes distress in their relationships, how you've addressed your SIL's, and how this has all worked out in the wash, or else folks here will believe that you ARE a TROLL, just looking to get his Jollies. I sure hope your real guy, looking for good advice though!
I did consider the possibility that the Conchas thing is just due to English is a second language, but he's also been given practical advice and ignored that input -- to verbally set boundaries -- in favor of fixing the situation by hiding his overwhelmingly alluring physique by wearing baggier clothes.
Either he is beyond the reach of common sense, or he's a trololollllll. lol
Google urban dictionary dot com, search "concha." There are other sources, too. It's apparently a well known insult in some Spanish-speaking countries, same as "c*nt" would be in English.
Whether it's innocent or mistaken or whatever if it makes you uncomfortable say so without feeling you need to justify it.
Would you mind not rubbing my leg, it makes me uncomfortable.
Would you mind putting your shirt back on, it makes me uncomfortable.
They will no doubt make out like it's a joke, and take it as an invitation to try harder. So be very firm about it. No, I'm serious. Enough is enough. Just stop. Now.
Then tell your wife that you've asked X and XX to stop doing this and that before they talk with her and to spin it into something it's not.
You don't have to explain the entire vibe you're getting only that you are uncomfortable with spefic behaviors and have asked them to stop.
If it continues to happen ask your wife to talk to them.
It's not right and is endangering relationships as well as the future of the parents care.
Good luck.
OP is happy with the input, though, thinks he should change his wardrobe and that way he won't be drawing unwanted attention. (He thinks he has to wear baggy clothes to avoid being a target? Either it's a troll - or - I've never come across anything quite like this.) Either way, AC advice to the rescue... 🙄
Only one way to find out for certain...
Gtmerkley, have you told your wife about these specific incidents? That would be helpful info, thanks.
Me thinks he protesteth too much.
But who knows what's really going on? It sounds like a grey area -- are they or aren't they knowingly crossing a line with him? Nothing about the post, the info, the situation tells me whether or not the sisters' behavior is on purpose.
The wife is informed, she can let her sisters know if they are out of line. If she hasn't done that, then perhaps they aren't truly out of line.
She knows her sisters best, and she can handle them, not causing a rift.
Why are you feeling so vulnerable? Is it possible you like a little attention, mid-life crisis, or something? When my ex-husband started receiving this kind of attention, it was because of a change in his own behaviors, drawing the attention to himself. Just sayin......