My mother is diagnosed with alzheimers and lives with me. I hired a caregiver to stay and care for my mom while I'm at work, light housekeeping, laundry, changes sheets once weekly or as need for my mom, cook, take my mother to doctors appts. As needed. I have 2 dogs that need to be let out 2-3 times during the day and I have a fenced in yard. I have a vehicle which is provided for the caregiver to use for transportation. I also provide lunch at my home. I also have a housekeeper who comes and cleans the entire house biweekly.
My mother is left with some, not a lot of money in her wallet as I care for her finances. I needed surgery and was unable to return to work at this point. I noticed at one point my mother was being put down for a nap after breakfast and the caregiver was sitting in the recliner for a nap, my mother's naps have stopped since addressed, the housekeeping has not been getting done, nor the cooking. I have many appts. during the day and lots of paperwork to complete. The caregiver, even though residing a short distance away would come here to prepare her own breakfast and at times I have been left with no eggs for the weekend because she had eaten them all. I had 12 packs of coke in the garage. 2 a week would be gone. I don't drink them often and mom is a diabetic. I want water pushed. Although I like when my mom has gotten out of the house to socialize and go out to lunch, I come to realize my mother has been paying the bill for both lunches. I want my mother to go to the senior center for activities which she enjoys. It has not happened as of yet. The caregiver always hugs my mother and tells her she loves her. My mom always asks me if she has any mother in case they go anywhere. The caregiver mentioned me leaving some money in the house in case the car needed gas or they needed it for something. I fill up the car.
I believe I finally nipped the issue with the caregiver arguing her not agreeing with my mother being on a specific medication. Neither of us are doctors and the decision is for my brother and I to make. We do allow my mom's input when she is able.
When I spoke with her she said that at times she thought I believed she was my maid. I believe that was more of a manipulation tactic. She schedules appointments during her shift with little to no notice. I mentioned getting a 2nd caregiver in to split the time so I would always have coverage and they could work together. The caregiver became defensive. I was told I wouldn't find anyone to do what she does for what I pay her. I was told she doesnt sit down 15 minutes on certain days which I know not to be truthful. Trust me....She is paid very well and I have cameras in my home. My mother loves her and considers this caregiver a friend. Just curious what others thoughts are.
Dad had 24-hour care as he was a fall risk, so there were a variety of different people coming through the door. But Dad found with each new person that was another set of new ears to hear his stories :) Eventually we narrowed down the caregivers, once their schedules opened up, to be regulars.
My Dad's insurance carrier wanted to be sure the Caregivers were from a licensed Agency that had workman's comp. Otherwise, Dad would have needed to add a "workman's comp" rider on his homeowner's insurance to cover any lost of wages if that "employee" got hurt on the job.
Due to the cost, around $20,000/month for around the clock watch because Dad lived alone in a house, Dad decided it was time to go to Independent/Assisted Living which is $4,000/month which included housekeeping, laundry, etc. and he kept his Caregivers but cut them back to 6 hours a day thus another $4,000/month but still a good savings compared to $20,000/month. He's happy as a clam being there around people of his own age group, he has really perked up :)
But... I do agree you need to have a sit down with your current gal and set the boundrys.. in writing
When it comes to elders it is so very important to keep a landline up and running because elders know how to use it. They all grew up using one and that is still ingrained in their mind.
What if something happens to the Caregiver and your Mom needed to call for help? Would your Mom know how to use the Caregiver's cellphone? I doubt it. I wouldn't know how to use my boss's Smartphone the darn thing is so complex.... but I know how to dial 911 on a regular old fashioned phone.
I understand how it is when a caregiver gets too comfortable. Had that issue with one of Dad's caregivers but I had to tell myself it is more important that Dad likes the caregiver then for me to like her.
Caregiving is exhausting work. One doesn't realize all that is involved until they are in the trenches themselves. Thus, if I visit Dad and the Caregiver is sitting on the sofa watching TV with Dad, so be it. Eventually the household chores will get done.
Thanks again.
My problem was not so much paying for the caregivers lunch when they went out, but them it was 3 times a week and then places like Longhorn or Chop House. Afterwhich, I stopped leaving mom so much money.
At the beginning, the whole idea was to get another caregiver in and for them to split the time. Yes, that should have been my place. My life and work is so hectic. The caregiver all along said she knew someone who was great and it never came to fruition. Now she appears defensive by it since I have been looking into it. Of course she's reluctant. I have concerns about using agencies because I want consistency with my mom and you always here these horror stories.
As far as the senior center. The caregiver usually stayed with my mom since the activity was only an hour or two. There is one I am looking into which is close to the house that is specifically for those with alzheimers/dementia. I thought while Mom was there, it would be a good time for the caregiver to get other things done at the house.
If you want mom to go to the senior's centre then make note that is one of her duties and you expect her to take her there X times a week. BTW, what is the companion expected to do with herself while mom is there?
As for hiring a second caregiver, I'm all for it, it keeps either one from feeling too indispensable and gives you someone to fall back on when they can't come for some reason. They may each focus on different areas of caregiving, which would also be good for you and your mom. Obviously caregiver one is reluctant to give up her steady hours, but with enough notice she should be able to find another part time position as well, which in my opinion is good for her too as she isn't totally reliant on you for her livelihood.
I don't see this as a very workable situation at this point, so I hope you've been documenting. If not, start, immediately.
Then sit down, have a talk with her and present her with a list of concerns and how they can be changed to meet your needs and requirements. Give her a time period in which to change. Make it clear that changes need to be made if she wants to continue to work for you.
I think this relationship is headed toward a breakup, but make sure you've documented everything and taken anything of value away and secured it, even out of the house.
And be sure to document what changes you want in case she takes any retaliatory action later for being terminated.
You might want to consider an agency next time and get someone who's been vetted.
I'm wondering though about the challenge for a certain medication. Is this a mood alterations med, depression med, dementia med....something like that, or is it for a specific diagnosed medical condition which has nothing to do with mood or behavior?