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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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After my mom's stroke last year, she said she did not want a DNR. I am her proxy and I haven't asked her about it lately, but I see that she's starting to decline and I really want the DNR. How do I make this happen?
It sounds as though she made her decision, but you don't like it! The trick is in presenting the options in a way that is more likely to get her to see your point of view, something I personally would not be good at.
With my own mother I made the initial enquiry about how to have it put in place when someone is in their own home and not in a hospital or facility, and our case manager brought the form and discussed it with mom. Having an outsider (nurse, doctor or other) made the discussion less emotional and when offered choices such as " if you had a heart attack, would you want them to bring you back or let you go" my mom easily chose the latter option and signed the DNR herself.
As her proxy I believe if Mom can no longer make her own decisions you can tell the medical team what to do or not to do. Have a note put in her chart that extraordinary measures be taken in the event of.......and here list what you don't what to be done such as cardiac resuscitation, artificial feeding. You can ask the nurses and Drs what would be appropriate.
It's so hard, because even though she seems to be going downhill lately, if I ask her anything about dying, she acts like I'm crazy. I think when they asked her at the rehab place, she didn't give it much thought, but there is NO way that I'm going to let them do all kinds of crazy violent things to keep her alive. She's 84 and has had non-stop health crises in recent years. I absolutely cannot bear - truly cannot bear - to think of losing her, but any kind of invasive, heroic measures would be agony for both of us.
Can you talk to her doctor and the three of you talk about the DNR? I thought Proxy works the same as POA in that the POA only goes into effect when the patient is not of sound mind or is unable to communicate their wishes. I completely understand that you want to respect your mother's wishes because she is of sound mind, but does she truly understand what's involved in aggressive measures if she were to have a heart attack? Ask her if she wants broken ribs and be put on a ventilator and then spend up to six months to one year in rehabilitation after the medical team resuscitates her - because this is a serious possible outcome if the men, women will have to go full force on her chest to jumpstart her heart. As a bystander, I've seen this done on someone else in the hospital and it's horrifying to witness, actually. It's not pretty like it's on television; the patient doesn't wake-up talking, smiling after their ribs have been cracked all over. My mother is suffering/has been suffering slowly from complications of vascular dementia - and is homebound as a result. It's awful to see her slowly deteriorate. I have a DNR in place for the very reason that you're wanting one. My father absolutely refused to be a DNR and wanted everything thrown at him because he didn't want to leave us - but we were traumatized by watching him suffer. It was so difficult honoring his wishes and I'm still having nightmares from this experience. Knowing now what I know, I wish I could go back in time and get that DNR in place without telling him (just put it with all the other paperwork that's given to medical personnel before evaluation for medical treatment) so he didn't suffer like he did.
I visited my mother today and brought it up. She said she would not want to be put through resuscitation, etc. She doesn't remember saying otherwise. I am going to ask her elder lawyer how to make sure the DNR is in place.
I mean, she finds it hard to sit in her wheelchair for more than 10 minutes lately, so the thought of her enduring anything as brutal as resuscitation is unbearable. Something is so very wrong with our culture that we can't accept the natural course of things and will do literally anything to change it.
I'm so sorry Xina. Its never easy to make these decisions. I hear you. When my dad had his first stroke, we had to talk about a DNR. My siblings all agreed that we didn't want my dad to be hooked up to tubes. And the doctor said CPR can be very violent resulting in broken ribs. I have to agree with cwillie and try to have an outsider talk to her about this decision. I'm sure your mom is afraid. Who wants to face the reality of death? I sure didn't. I hope your mom will come around.
Is Mom living at home? You do need two types of DNR, there is a separate on for in hospital. When you have the necessary documents make several copies and be sure you have one with you and if she is at home one in a prominent place if it does not upset Mom on the back of the front door is a good place. That way there is no problem with over zealous EMTs. If she is in a facility make sure there is a copy in her chart.
Sorry, didn't read all the posts. In NJ a doctor has to sign the DNR. Mom didn't because she has Dementia. I have POA. Recently, she had a hospital stay and rehab. I had a DNR in place but the attending at each place had to sign one for that facility. Maybe her primary can talk with her and explain that a DNR is really a good thing. I really doubt if she would want to be kept alive if her body was naturally shutting down. And believe me, facilities will do whatever they can to keep someone alive. Families will hold on. My daughter sees it everyday. Not saying this is u, but some families rely on that SS check and if the loved one dies, that income is lost.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I mean, she finds it hard to sit in her wheelchair for more than 10 minutes lately, so the thought of her enduring anything as brutal as resuscitation is unbearable. Something is so very wrong with our culture that we can't accept the natural course of things and will do literally anything to change it.
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