I was called by the ALF staff and told that my cousin, whom I have POA for, was refusing to get out of bed. She had wet herself and was saying she had quit her job and was not getting out of bed. I got up, got dressed and drove 20 miles to the facility to deal with her. She has dementia and brain scans are pending, but AD is expected. She also took a fall a couple of weeks ago and her spine doctor says it will take weeks for that to heal, but that's not why she wouldn't get up. She just wanted to sleep in and not get out of bed.
Until now she has been cooperative with the staff. She tells me they are nice and she likes them and living there. She told me she didn't like the way they were ordering her around yesterday morning. That's why she said she quit her job.
Most of the time, she thinks she works at the ALF. She thinks the director is her manager. She calls the cafeteria the break room. I don't disagree with her. I just told her she could quit if she wants. She just needs to get her bath, dressed and then she can rest and watch tv all day if she wants. That seemed to satisfy her and she got up and got ready with help.
I really wish the staff would have worked with her and got her to get up, get her bath,(someone assists her with that) and dressed. Certainly places like that handle people with these type of situations all the time. I personally see there are many dementia patients in the facility. Why can't they just deal with it? Why do they just throw their hands up and call me instead of dealing with it? Does this happen to others?
Perhaps a try to do it by phone first would be worthwhile next time. Say to the staff member "Well, if she's quit her job, let her sleep in. Go back in 45 minutes and tell her she has the day off and you'd like her to have her bath so she can enjoy it nice and fresh. You can offer to put her in clean pajamas instead of clothes." If your cousin does well on the phone, perhaps hearing you comfort her and assuring her she doesn't have to get up except to get clean would be useful, too.
I imagine that the ALF's main concern was not that she wanted to stay in bed, but that she was wet. Certainly they'd want to get that taken care as soon as possible. Giving them permission to wait a little while and to approach the situation again, a little differently, might be all they needed.
When I get calls from Mom's NH, I ask, "How are you handling that?" or "What do you usually do in situations like this?" I might make a suggestion.
It is their job to care for her. But if the resident is distressed and they think the family member can calm her down it is not unheard of for them to call the family member. And in this case they knew Cousin could not stay in a wet bed indefinitely so they were a little panicked.
They're not going to force her. They should be cajoling her...finding what button they need to press to get her compliant.
As for staying in a wet bed. Big deal. From two hours after she goes to BED she may be staying in a wet bed.
If they give her a shower or bath every morning, I don't blame her for not wanting to get up. I don't even shower or bath every single morning. I'd cut that back to baby wipes when she's wet on her privates and a bath/thorough sponge bath/or shower once a week. Not like she's playing in mud puddles. Okay, I do more than once a WEEK, but I often play in mud puddles. ;)
Find out if more than one aid had a go at it. Find out if your aunt just doesn't like an aid's style. That's possible. I think ALF's and NH's are quite used to that. They should be flexible. If YOU can get it done? THEY should be able to get it done.
I will add tha on Thursday, when all this happened,t due to the urinary incontinence. I suggested they do a urine test to rule out a bladder infection. So, I called her primary doctor and had them fax over an order for that. They sent the sample in and she does have some infection. The culture will not be complete until Tuesday. Why didn't the ALF staff think of that? I just feel like I'm having to think of everything regarding her care.
She is seeing her primary care doctor and a Neurologist next week. I suspect they will do brain scans. If I can get her officially diagnosed with AD, does that mean she qualifies for a DEMENTIA CARE facility for Medicaid purposes? I suspect that will be the next step. Anyone know?