Kathy123 Asked April 2016
My husband has PD dementia with delusions. How is it best to respond to his delusions?
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he believes I am having an affair. "When" He is worried about our money; my leaving him; someone coming into the house; etc The other night he said we had to leave immediately because someone was going to break-in to the house. He wanted to go to the police.
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My husband had LBD (similar to PDD) and went through a time of paranoid delusions. That was the hardest part of the whole journey for me! Fortunately it lasted only a few months. My husband was worried about money. He accused me of taking it. I gave him several months worth of bank statements and other financial documents, which he read and studied for a long time (sometimes with the papers upside down.) That seemed to satisfy him for a while, or bored him so much he went on to other topics.
With the break-in fear, I'd call the police (using a local weather or time service number). Then I'd tell him they are aware of someone prowling the neighborhood looking for a lost dog, but that they'd send a car out to patrol the immediate area. In other words, take his fear seriously, take reasonable (if fake) steps to check out the fear, and reassure him.
But the you-are-going-to-leave-me and you-are-having-an-affair delusions? Oh my! I am just so thankful I didn't have to deal with those. It was devastating enough that he thought I might be doing something with our money.
How about something along these lines: "Oh my darling! How awful you must feel if you think I am having an affair. Now that you can't always come with me on all my household errands it might seem to you that I am gone a lot. I assure you, I love you very, very much and I am not at all interested in other men. You are the one I married for better or for worse and in sickness and in health. I'll always stick with you. I know you would do that for me, too. blah blah blah ..."
I never had to deal with the affair accusation, but I did reassure my husband often that I would always see to it that he got the best care available, that I would never abandon him (even if he needed to go to a care center), that I had his best interests at heart, that I loved him as much as ever, etc. etc.
The paranoid phase eventually passed (with a few relapses along the way when he was overtired). Life was MUCH easier and pleasant for us when he came to fully trust me. We'd go into a new doctor's appointment and he'd say cheerfully, "Jeanne is here with me because she is my memory."
You are looking at this in the throes of the situation. It is awful. I am looking at it from the perspective of many years later. I can tell you that you'll both survive this, it won't last forever, and seeing the person you love through this awful journey has its own joys and rewards.
My husband's journey lasted ten years, and we managed all of it at home. (WITH HELP ... don't forget that part!)
A website with lots of information about dealing with PDD and DLB (both Lewy Body type dementias) is LBD.org. If you haven't discovered it yet, I think it will be helpful to you.
Keep in touch with us here, Kathy. We care!