She's in a NH w/dementia, alzheimers, congestive heart failure, renal failure and falls daily. My niece has POA, I have the checkbook and write 3 checks a month. NH takes all but $60. She has a water meter charge and electric bill each month that is way above the $60. She fell again late Oct. 2016. I found out when I received a call from ER to come pick her up! I have vertigo and couldn't drive then. I called NH, was told someone was on way to pick her up. 4 hours later, ER called again. I called NH angry and upset. She had been there since early that morning. My niece went after her and tore into the director at NH. She hadn't had food either. 2 nights ago, I got a late call that she had an appointment the next morning with her othopedic surgeon. I didn't get the message in time to make arrangements to pick her up and take her. Last night, I got a voice mail on my cell phone that they have been told not to use except in emergency, that they took her to Dr. and he refused to see her because she had no X-ray that was needed. And another call from business office informing me they needed over $100 for co-pay for the visits to the Dr. because he didn't take her medicare and her medicaid only helped pay for NH. I told her to find another Dr. and she told me to let her know when I did. Me??? I was informed by a nurse at one of their sister NHs that they were responsible for all of that since she is under their care and had been placed in the NH by her Dr for rehab and her own safety. I was surprised that they called about her appointment since I never know when she goes to the Dr. I knew the first 4-5 months and took her myself but, her insurance will only pay the NHs primary Dr. I am constantly getting bills for X-rays, Dr. Visits, meds, etc. And the collection agencies are calling saying I am responsible. I hang up on them. I see her every week. Do her laundry since if they do it, stuff disappears. Her granola bars, fruit and protein drinks disappear. She says the nurses get them and drink them. I do not know if it is true or not. She is in a memory unit. I cared for her for the past several years driving back and forth almost daily, picking her up from falls, doing her shopping, visits to friends, etc. I was exhausted, started getting sick, tore all the tendons and muscles out of my arm and suffered a couple of TIAs. Dr. said stop and rest. I am now trying to get the brother to whom she willed everything to help me clean out her house and sell some of her things to help with her financial needs. I was forced to drop insurance on her home but will keep the taxes up to date as long as possible. Brother refuses to help me even though she was paying his bills right up to the date she was put in the home. He will not work and has said he is selling the house and everything because it is his. I changed the locks with the POAs blessings. I have very little left in her account and it goes down about $40 to $50 a month. If I can't sell her furniture, the account will be gone before the end of the year. So, I can't afford to pay co-pays to Dr.s. My husband is in his 70s and I am getting there fast. We pay for the items we carry her and I pay for haircuts, extra clothes (she has lost a lot of weight), etc. With those items and the cost of gas each week, I am spending about $100 a month of my SS which is $652 before insurance. What would you do about a Dr.? Thank you in advance
In some places people 65 and older can defer property taxes until they die. This might be worth looking into.
My niece and I talked it over and decided to have moms water meter pulled so we won't be paying a meter charge of $500 a year for not a drop of water. The brother she is leaving it all to was not happy and has decided to remove items from the home, sell them and keep the money. There are a few things that are worth anything that could be sold to help pay her bills, dr. co-pays, extra clothing, etc. My niece who has durable/indurable/health/financial POA for her is also executress of moms will and has told me to change the locks on fences, sheds, house, etc. if I want to.
She and I spent time with mom after the meeting and we were both really upset with moms downward slide. Her eyes and cheeks are sunken and pale. Her skin is dry with veins on top of the skin and she was shaking and unable to sit up by herself. She knew me but couldn't figure out who my niece was until we told her. It is getting so hard to leave each time but, I make myself go not knowing if each time will be the last visit.
My niece who is POA, is one of my middle brothers daughters. She works 6 and 7 days a week at her business, visits mom as much as possible between work and her daughters needs. I respect her decisions and since mom had put my name on her bank acct to sign checks (moms hand were twisted & she shakes bad), she lets me take care of the paying of monthly things due. She takes care of legal papers, medicaid and medicare forms and plans and the signing of NH papers. An elder attorney has said that medicaid will take the property probably. There is no lien on it at this time. The POA has told me to sell private items if needed to help pay her personal needs. My youngest brother hasn't been to see her but once or twice since last June. He always got her to put a tank of gas in his truck when he went to her house to visit or help with yard work. I will not give him a single penny of what is left in the bank. He has accused me of wasting moms money. I have every receipt, bank statements, insurance forms, tax statements, etc. to prove I am not wasting her money.
I do have to have a serious talk with the NH this week though. Mom got $3 a month cost of living raise and they raised her portion of the bill to almost $4 more a month. Now she will only receive $59 per month to pay bills and I spent 2 hours tonight tracing Medicaid laws in Texas. She is supposed to receive $60. I also received a bill from the Orthopedic Surgeon today for another visit. They carried her to him even after we told them to find another doctor that took her medicare and medicaid.
Hopefully I will get to see her Friday or Saturday. I and 8 others in the family have had confirmed cases of the flu and I haven't seen her in two weeks.
Thank you to all of you for your advice, ear and help. It really helps relieve worry and stress to know someone is here to listen and offer help.
Since we already had an orthopedic- I made the appointment and had rehab refer a transport van to literally go across the street
At mom's age he suggested cortisone injections in the spine but she decided against it so she muscled through the pain for over a month
The 5 star rehab was miserable but she was motivated to get out and did the therapy as her pain allowed
Given your mother's health, is she under hospice ?
And "... am spending about $100 a month of my SS which is $652 before insurance."
Why does your brother inherit everything and not you? I just can't understand when parents do this sort of thing, and also can't understand why the non-inheriting sib(s) do anything at all for their parents when this is the case.
That takes us to health care proxy, which I assume is you if the nursing home is calling you. Resign that in writing to the nursing home.
No, you cannot sell anything; niece has that responsibility.
You are not responsible for Moms bills.
I feel the facility is only responsible for making appts. for Mom if family is not involved with her care. You need them aware that Mom only has so much money. There is none for Drs. that don't except Medicare and/or her supplimental. With ur Mom's health issues not sure why she needs an orthopedic doctor. Really feel you need a Hospice recommendation.
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