My grandmother is 90 years old. My mother is a nurse & she is the one responsible for giving her a bath. The last time my grandmother had a bath was approx. 1-2 months ago because she hates getting a bath & puts up a fuss every time. My mother deals with it by letting her go & getting her own way, instead of putting her foot down & setting the standards whether she likes it or not, is this the right way of handling the situation? Also, is 1-2 months without a bath acceptable, when her hair is greasy & she looks dirty?
I agree with the above posters who say hire someone from an agency to do it; when my mom had home health for a few weeks after a hospitalization she would not argue with the aide from the agency for some reason- she just listened to her when she said it was time to shower and placidly went along with it. Which blew my mind, actually- go figure?
And then afterwards she felt like a million bucks in clean clothes, washed hair, etc.
I think they are afraid to be cold so you have to make it quick and comfy in the bathroom. We used to run the hot water until it was nice and steamy and then get her in the bathroom, shower seat ready and did it toot sweet, lol. Wrap her up nice and warm and dress her in there.
Then you have people like my 93 y/o MIL who is in assisted living and loves to shower- insists on it.
But my mom? Gave me every excuse imaginable not to do it. A shower is the easiest way to take a good look at their skin for breakdown, rashes, etc. I couldn't give her a bath, that was way too taxing for both of us, her especially. Her preference in life before was baths but we changed just to keep it quick.
My DH is 95 and I've been bathing him for over a year now - we just shower together. Recently I had to put Support Bars in and a wonderful neighbor helped me to change my tub to a walk-in shower.
What I didn't see mentioned above is the waterless soap & shampoo you get in hospital.
The one I have is Aloe Vesta 3-n-1 Cleansing Foam: No Rinse: Perineal Cleanser - Body Cleanser - Shampoo. It's priceless! While he was in hospital I used it as Shampoo and it is a blessing in a bottle.
I too was told to use Baby Wash with Oatmeal - I use Johnson's as it also protects his fragile thin skin.
The fear of falling
The loud noise from the water rushing all around you
All the steps that need to be done, get wet, pick up soap, lather, wash, rinse, do your hair, dry off, get dressed....it can be exhausting thinking about all that needs to be done all while trying not to fall or slip.
Shower chairs help. A bench or seat with a back.
Turn her so that she is NOT facing the water. I was told by a PT years ago that the head and chest are "vulnerable" areas and to wet those last. (what is the first thing that gets wet when you shower?...head and chest!)
I also found that turning off the water between getting wet and rinsing helped as it was more quiet in the bathroom. Talk in a quiet voice, and try to bring the voice to a slightly deeper tone so it does not sound harsh. I used to almost whisper and I would tell my husband everything I was doing...I am going to soap your back, I am going to do your arms now....it did help.
Keeping him seated for as long as possible while drying and putting socks and shoes on before he stood up helped.
I will admit I had it easy I had a barrier free shower we used and I also had a shower wheelchair that made showering much easier for both of us.
Last resort...sponge baths and no rinse body soaps will do the job. Just make sure that when you are bathing her in bed that you wash and dry fully you do not want damp areas left.
Look up the youtube video by Teepa Snow on bathing elders. She has some good tips, too.
What I did find that works is a sponge bath using Norwex wash cloths. I purchased their body cloths to give that a try and it works great. There is no soap and these cloths also exfoliate which has helped tremendously with all the dead skin just falling off mom all the time. You just use warm water and clean away. I started using the product myself and love it!! Soap has always been a big irritant for my skin and I know it dries out my mom's skin as well. She recently has been turned off to the use of lotion. No explanation, just is what it is. :) I will purchasing another 3 pack so that mom can have one and the other person (myself or the aide) can have one. That way mom is participating if she wants. Good Luck. Take care of yourself.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a sponge bath, You don't HAVE to give your loved one a shower or bath. There are ways of hair washing even in bed, or if the patient can go out a weekly or even biweekly visit to a beauty salon is in order. Once a week is fine as long as you "top and tail"daily. Letting the genital area remain unclean leads to UTIs again a disposable cloth is fine. Also under the breasts especially with a large woman as thrush loves to lurk there and any heavy skin folds.
I sometimes treat myself to warm body lotion - best with a squeeze bottle not a pump - squeeze out all the air you can, fill sink with hot water, place bottle in sink while bathing, dry off, use lotion that is pleasantly warm - FOR ALL YOU CARE GIVERS: USE IT YOURSELF AS A SMALL TREAT ... YOU DESERVE IT! - don't wait to use this method especially for your loved ones & yourself as it is such an easy thing to put in a routine
My mother is able to walk with a walker, so what we do is simple and as follows: I let the hand-held shower head hang near the floor, and I get the water temperature to where she likes it. She gets undressed while sitting on the toilet. When the temp is ready, she WALKS IN USING THE WALKER. I lay a towel down on the floor outside the shower (because water flies everywhere). She grabs hold of the grab bars, and I take the walker out of the shower. THEN we grab the shower head and begin bathing. As soon as we are finished, I hand her the walker, she steps onto the towel (again, this prevents a slippery tile encounter), and I wrap her in a warm towel. We walk to the bed or a chair, where a clean bed pad is waiting.
One wonderful gizmo that I have discovered is one of those bath scrubbies on a long stick. That's how I scrub her - EVERYWHERE. Great extension!
If your GM can walk at all with a walker, try this method (assuming you have grab bars). I'm telling you, there's little stress and no slipping or struggling to sit or stand.
I think a big reason for all of their protesting comes from their fear of all the fuss and struggle.
Regarding the psychology... Perhaps you can ask her which day (coming up) would she like to bathe. Let her confirm it, so she must commit to something.
Often someone who is a non-family member may have more luck. Professional bath aids have some tricks to help get cooperation. Hopefully, that will work.