My mom has been in and out of the hospital and nursing homes since June 2016. My sister asked her for $4500.00 to buy a car while she was in ICU and on heavy pain killers. My mom agreed. I discussed it with her and she was apprehensive to loan such a large amount to her. So, she told me not to give it to her. My sister only calls or comes to see her when she needs money and mom always gives it to her because she is a single mom and struggling with two boys. My mom has given her $8,880.00 in the last year. My brother gets money whenever he needs it too. What can I say or recommend to my mom when she changes her mind and wants to give her the money?
Meanwhile, you can tackle the other end of the thread; and explain to your sister quite how it looks when she approaches a woman in *ITU* and picks that time to ask for a "loan." Eeeeeuuw! But while you're at it, consider the feelings of a woman who is struggling financially and has two children to worry about, and see if you can't help her come up with some better, less stomach-turning and more ethical solutions to her difficulties.
I would have no qualms, telling your sister that you Mom just cannot continue to give and give, money that she may end up needing, to fund her own very complicated health and welfare going forward!
It is sad, that she is a single mother needing help and all, but your Mom should not be made to feel bad for her, when she herself is in such a dire state!
Tell your sister, that any funds will have to wait, until Mom is better, and knows exactly what money she has to work with, going forward! Take the bus, or buy a beater!
If I were in that spot and my mother has been in the habit of helping me through such situations I'd naturally turn to that "solution." Especially if Mom said when I became a single parent, "Don't worry sweetheart. We'll help out all we can."
And if I were the mother and promised my daughter when her husband died (or she kicked the drug-addicted abuser out) that I'd help her as she raised my grandsons, I'd be inclined to give her money, even if it isn't in my best interest.
It is very possible that your sister and your mother are both acting reasonably from their own perspectives. But if you are the POA you have the responsibility to look out for Mom's interest. Does Mom have a good monthly income? Does she have assets? Does she have long-term-care insurance? Is it likely that she will run out of funds and need to apply for Medicaid? When she isn't under pressure, what is her attitude toward helping her children financially? You have a lot of factors to consider!
If you are not POA, then you have no authority except to do what Mother wants done with her money, even if you control her account.
Medicaid will look back to see how your Mom had spent her money. If they see "loans" that aren't being paid back, they would consider those loans as "gifts" and any other monies handed over that weren't loans. Those $$$ amounts would be deducted from your Mom's care. It can become complex.
I am just curious, if your Mom was in ICU, and under heavy pain killers, how did she write out a check to your sister? Is your sister your Mom's financial Power of Attorney?
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