OK, so long story short (if thats at all possible) My husband and i recently had to extract my Mother in law from her home in FL and bring her here to CO to live with us.
We recieved some concerning information from a close friend who lives in FL stating that Mom was having some issues with unwanted guests in her home!!
Some need to know info... Mom suffered a severe head trauma approx 5 years ago and her mental state has not been the same since.
back story on these 'Unwanted guests' A mother and son knocked on Moms door during a thunderstorm and asked to use her phone. My mother is very kind hearted by nature and so she let these people into her home, They NEVER left!! this was approx 9-12 months ago, we cannot get an exact date as Mom is unwilling to talk about it and gets very upset and defensive if we try to discuss it. we were informed that these people were doing, selling and possibly manufacturing illegal substances in her home(meth). we also believe that they were sedating her throughout this process , to keep her agreeable to what was happening.
We had no idea this was going on we feel terribly guilty , but she kept it from all friends and family! Seeing all these things in person was terrifying and so much worse than we had in initially thought .
We have since done some research and this seems pretty prevalent in FL To pray on the elderly .
Unfortunately once these people (lets call them people) have set up to receive mail at her home they have rights to reside there , also we did get her to admit that she has taken small amounts of $ from them - not nec for bills/rent but money was exchanged which again gives them property rights to HER home.
We have looked into eviction process but it is costly and again she gets very defensive if this is brought up.
We were told by her Dr in the rehab that she wasnt to drive and had her license taken , since then she has somehow had a new one issued online and has been using her car regardless of drs advise. We really dont know how to breach the subject that we can't allow her to drive anymore as we are afraid of how she will react so we have been trying to pre occupy her with daily outings when we can and distract her with daily errands and making her part of our daily family routines.
She has Afib and uses c-pap machine as well as many meds to keep her OCD and depression balanced we need to find her a dr here in CO but she is so reluctant to go to anyone but her DR in FL!!
She gets very fixated on paying her bills, refinancing the house, going to the bank ,mundane tasks that she wasn't doing at all when at home but now is adamant she needs to 'take care of her business' her OCD is worsened because she cannot tell us the last time she went to her Dr or gotten meds so is very unstable as far as mood and behavior.
We cannot allow her to have her cell phone as she fixates on this also , whether it is Calling her bank branch to talk to someone and question them over and over about her account or sending money to some 3rd party for loans or paying bills she no longer has power over, she is risking our personal finance at this point- I let her use my cell a few times and as soon as she wasnt supervised she was trying to wire money to some scam artist who said they could lower her monthly home payment.
I guess i really don't even know what im asking or what my 'question' is. Just looking for a place to start and some advise on how to move forward , right now this whole situation is playing hard on my own mental state- we live in a very small apartment in downtown denver and being in such tight living quarters and taking on her financial burdens are definitely taking its toll.
Thanks in advance for any help / advise that any one can offer us. Just need a plan :-)
1) Forward her mail to a new address (not yours) at a paid mailbox near you. Key is for only you to pick up her mail. Pick MAIL FORWARD for the longest term. Today, online if you must.
2) Take her NOW, to the nearest Social Security Office, who will assign you to be her Representative Payee, to receive her benefits and manage her funds.
You won't have to say much, or even explain much to SS or to your Mil.
Obtain a rep-payee pamphlett on your way out. That address goes to your home, ok?
3) Many Social Security recipients receive funds on the 3rd (or sooner) of each month. Take Mil to the bank branch she banks with. Obtain all bank statements at that time. She must be with you. Soc. Sec. will have printed a letter to you assigning you as rep-payee.
4) Report fraud suspected on the account to the bank's security department-give them your contact info.
5) Open a new account, at another bank, Your name, for Mil name.
I am going to have to stop now. Will stop by later to check on your progress.
Sorry, but it is just not likely that anyone will take charge, follow through, and I am not an attorney or a security expert. You have lots to do on your own. Fact is, that families get very STUCK in the discovery phase, not taking any action at all, not knowing what to do.
Imo, the sooner her funds and accounts are secure, the sooner you can address the tight living quarters.
You might be pleasantly surprised at how much power a rep-payee has.
Your husband can receive her power of attorney later, when she feels more cooperative and trusting. Maybe if you act fast enough, you can save her home from being fraudulently stolen out from under her.
What about all your MILs personal belongings - were they left behind? Possibly to be sold off by the squatters. Or did you meet the squatters as you packed mom up? What on earth could you have said to them as you drove away?
Next - do you have any idea the liability you have opened up as far as your MIL home owners insurance goes? If the house burned down or God forbid a squatter injures themselves while in the house - I can only imagine the field day the insurance agent would have coming up with multiple reasons why your MILs insurance was invalidated.
Honestly, I'm sorry for sounding like such a b*tch here - but really? Is it just me, or is this not one of the strangest situations you've ever heard of?
You were right to get her to safety first. If that was all you could do, that part was good. Then, there is APS in your area. She is a victim of crime.
It it makes any sense- I am not judging you, although it certainly is understandable that it feels that way given my heavy handed replies. I AM sorry. I know how difficult it can be to pick up the pieces of the mess an elderly loved one with cognitive decline can make of their life.
My problem is nothing - and I mean nothing get my panties is a huge twist than someone taking advantage of - stealing and bullying- someone from the most vulnerable people in our society- the aged and the disabled. It makes me out of my mind crazy - as you can see.
You have a huge, daunting plate full of a mess to sort out and deal with. You need support and help - not someone throwing gas on the fire, running around, waving their hands saying "OMG! You've got a mess!" My bad.
You've done the right and most important thing by getting your MIL out of a truely dangerous situation. And although I certainly phased it poorly, I still urge you to make the eviction the next priority. The liability continuing to have those people living on property owned by your MIL is huge with the potential to expand exponentially.
Please keep posting as you begin to tackle the challenges ahead of you. There is tons of good advice to be had by the wonderful, experienced people who participate on this forum. And I promise - no more hysteria from me. Only helpful advice.
We plan on getting the Eviction process rolling this week as it has taken some saving on our part to be able to financially be able to do that and make sure she is suitably cared for and trying to get back above water after A LOT of unexpected costs incurred with the cross country move and time in between :-(
I will definitely update as we make progress.
Thank you all. (sendhelp i very much appreciate all of your input too )
Notice of increased rent, effective 30 days.....
3 day notice to pay rent or quit.....
Every state is different but, in Maryland, this is one of the few landlord tenant actions that cannot be handled by POA so I had to hire an attorney. None of it was beyond my abilities but I legally could not file.
So, even with the expense of a lawyer it was still relatively cheap. My court filing fees, lawyer fees and Sheriff fees were around $500.
Being out of state will hamper you a little but it is not an insurmountable challenge. I would look for a residential property manager to help you with this because as soon as they are evicted, you will want to have the locks changed and then have someone keep en eye on the property while you figure out what you are going to do with it.
It also sounds like you are going to have to get her declared incompetent and file for guardianship. You need to start this and the eviction as soon as you can because neither one is an overnight process.
Good for you for getting her to safety.
Can't you report the illegal activity (meth cooking) to the local authorities?
I found an article online about getting unwanted guests out of the house and here is a quote "So what can you do to take back your home? If the guest won't leave when asked, you can file an "unlawful detainer" at the local courthouse. This puts the situation in front of a judge, who can issue an order for the guest to leave. Then law enforcement will escort the guest off the property. Tampa attorney John McMillan said he's never seen a case in which the judge didn't side with the homeowner. But be prepared to wait. "It doesn't always happen quickly,".
This might be a place to start? I am sure others on here will have some great advice.
As for the driving - did you move her car with her? Or heaven forbid - the guests from h*ll are driving it back in Florida? I don't know which is worse. Anyhoo - if she doesn't have her own car simply tell her your insurance won't cover her to drive yours - plus you need it for you - and don't give her your car keys. Period.
Getting her to a doctor. I'm assuming MIL has either Medicaid or Medicare. Tell her for her medical coverage to be valid in Colorado she has to register with a doctor there. If she says she doesn't need one - explain that if she were in an accident or developed an illness the potential medical bills could bankrupt your family - unless she gets "registered" and that's not a risk your willing to take. Sure, it's not exactly being truthful but if it does the job and gets her in to see a doctor, so what.
Honestly, you just gotta grab the bull by the horns and jump in somewhere - do something - anything. I applaud you for getting MIL into a more supervised home setting but you seem to have stalled out after that point. Wouldn't it be great if things magically took care of themselves? But they don't.
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