I am main caregiver even though mom is in a care facility. She has mild-moderate dementia and does not drive. I live 20 miles from her and use her vehicle (with her permission) for her care. I have also used it for personal use (with her permission) especially since I live in country and get several things done while in town to see her and take her out for appts., store, church, just to get out! She knows it is her vehicle and appreciates me driving. My siblings live 90 miles away. Sister sees her once a month for couple hours and brother hardly ever but calls her. Sister also pays bills. They want me to sell it so they can put the money towards her care (which would be around $7500) and I use my own vehicle. Or I buy it. We have done all the maintenance and gas out of our own pocket. Only insurance comes out of moms account paid by my sister who manages her money. I am so conflicted because it helps me as well as my mom so much!!! I cannot seem to reiterate to them how much it means to mom when I spend time with her and take her for her needs and wants--just trying to help mom maintain as much independence as she can now and having the use of her own vehicle is one way. I feel guilty more times than not even when I drive in to help her and run to the store for my own needs even though I pay for all the gas and oil changes. I just need someone to help me put all in perspective. Thanks so much!!!
I vote to keep the car at least until she no long recognizes that it is her car and no longer cares about it.
I think you should take the answers to those questions into account as well as the others that have been raised. Make up a sheet of paper, divided down the middle and write pros and cons at the top. Write down everything, no matter how seemingly insignificant, into the columns and that will help organize your thoughts about the matter.
If a car is not being used, it is good to sell it and spend the money down. That saves the money that is being paid for maintenance, insurance, and registration. When it is being used, the circumstances determine if it is a good idea to sell or not.
If that's what sis is doing, I don't see that you have a choice.
Next. You would then be using *your* car for *your mother's* benefit. Any expenses you incur solely and exclusively on your mother's account - fuel for running errands or taking her to appointments, parking payments, e.g. - you should be able to claim back from your mother's funds, and your sister should agree to them without too much cheese-paring. Again, keep receipts. If you think you will be doing a substantial proportion of your total mileage on your mother's behalf, you should also be able to negotiate with your sister for your mother to pay a broadly equivalent proportion of your ongoing car expenses, such as maintenance, repairs and insurance.
This is a bit of a counsel of perfection - I do realise what a royal pain in the b.t.m. it is to have to account for every last penny - but that way everything is transparent, nobody should end up out of pocket and it shouldn't impact on your mother's transport/delivery needs.
If there is a problem with using your own car, then buy your mother's car. Start at the market rate, and deduct the deductibles as above. It would also be reasonable to point out to your sister the emotional benefit to your mother of her car still being on the scene; plus the time and trouble saved because you're not having to put the car up for external sale; and both of these can be translated into a further, nominal discount. Expenses going forward: your mother should be paying for mileage accrued solely and exclusively on her account, as above. You'll find it easier to keep track if you *only* use it for visiting her or making journeys on her behalf; but if you can't, keep a notebook and pen in the car and write down the mileage, then at the end of each month tot up the totals and work out the ratios. Ugh. My heart sinks at the thought of it. I used to have to do this between personal and business usage for my tax returns and it gave me a nervous tic. Sorry :(