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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Her happiness seems to depend on a daily bm. Is this common and how do I discourage her from talking about it constantly. She says, "I know you don't want to hear" and then describes the event anyway.
This used to drive me insane too until I found a friend who's father constantly did the same thing and we began to "compare notes" and found lots to laugh about. Now I search for BM situations in life just to tell her about it and it's become an ongoing source of humor. There's nothing like a good "BM story"!
My mother's doctor says this is very common in my mother's age group. We started tracking BMs on the calendar with happy faces so she wouldn't forget that she went that day (and to avoid unnecessary laxatives). My mom has been talking about it for years. I only set one boundary about when it's inappropriate to talk about it (and she never crosses it): when we are eating dinner with the whole family. At her age, it's a very important part of the day and key to her comfort and happiness. It's such a little concession to make because she's happy when she can talk about it. We make a little game out of it and always laugh when we can - give it nicknames "boom boom chat," the "poo chart," etc. Hey, join in the fun and talk about yours too! We'll all be there one day.
When my MIL insists on doing the same after I have asked her not to - I have used the "oh so adult" tactic of putting my fingers in my ears and repeating lalalalalalalalalalalala until her lips stopped moving. She stopped talking bathroom, began badmouthing family members and guess what? I have created a multi-use lalalalalala, but you must put both fingers in your ears for the full effect! I FINALLY have a tool that will work every time. GOOD LUCK!
I suppose you could ask "And how is your vagina today?" But seriously, A little colace my take the drama out of bm's. Or an herbal supplement or probiotics. They say our gut is our second brain, so maybe there's reason to have a measure of awareness as to what is going on there.
Lol, my mil does the same thing!!!!!!! I have told her I only want to know if you can not go but still sometimes she will go into detail. I have no idea how to stop this insane sharing, I love treatmenttime's answer! My mil is obssesed with not being able to go to the point where she wants you to give her laxatives all the time. I really have to word my questions in the right manner because if she can lie and get a laxative she will. Here is one better: I always check the bathroom out before I go in to shower, no telling what mil has left laying around-used depends, toilet paper, etc (nope, she doesn't have any mental problems just is that way and has been all the years I have been married to her son) so I was in the shower one day and as I am getting out what do you think I saw on the bathroom floor...............a piece of POOP!!!!!!!! I was horrified. I then go in and asked her if she had an accident or something, nope, much to my ever growing horror, SHE PICKED IT OUT WITH HER FINGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I call my husband and tell him he needs to come home and have a talk with his mother about digging poop out of her butt and then I bleached everything. We have to tell her frequently not to pick poop. My mil and I are not in the same book when it comes to hygeine, etc, I am pretty sure we are not in the same bookcase! So just he glad she is only talking about it and not picking it out in your house, in your main/guest bathroom and then going around touching things.
Hello Marie unfortunately this is normal for some elders, they go back to a childlike exsistance, so just go along with her as hard as it maybe, make a joke of it with her, tell her yes Mom I have to go too but could you tell me about it a little later, and just laugh when she says it sometime. When it gets to be too much maybe just leave for awhile. It maybe hard for you to understand, but she does'nt think anything is wrong with this. Good Luck.
Here is an idea that might stop her talking about it completely! Start talking about yours!!! Yeah, and make it sound like yours are better than hers!
This may sound crazy but ya never know she just might stop and find another topic that will bug you because I think the reason she continues is because she knows it gets under your skin. Once you level the "playing" field I'll bet she'll quit.
ange02 is right on the mark. It is expected of geriatric patients. I also think the suggestion about making a game of it is also good. I find the lalalalalala method rather disrespectful.
I can't understand why a caregiver would be bothered by this really harmless discussion. Listening to what the person has to say and even participating in the discussion seems to me, at any rate, to be a very normal part of caregiving.
I've been dealing with similar BM stories from my mom. She's constipated, things are too hard, nothing the doctor gives her helps. I finally started giving her a constipation recipe recommended by the local university digestive care center. Equal parts of prune juice, oat or wheat bran, and applesauce. Start with 2 tbsp per day and go up to 4 or 5 if needed. It tastes quite good, seems to help her, and has cut down on the BM discussions.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
But seriously, A little colace my take the drama out of bm's. Or an herbal supplement or probiotics. They say our gut is our second brain, so maybe there's reason to have a measure of awareness as to what is going on there.
This may sound crazy but ya never know she just might stop and find another topic that will bug you because I think the reason she continues is because she knows it gets under your skin. Once you level the "playing" field I'll bet she'll quit.
I can't understand why a caregiver would be bothered by this really harmless discussion. Listening to what the person has to say and even participating in the discussion seems to me, at any rate, to be a very normal part of caregiving.
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