My husband and I finally moved out of my MIL'S house. She is a very controlling, manipulating women. IN the past 2 yrs My husband and I took care of all her needs. Fixing up her house, 3 meals a day plus snacks etc.... doctors visits. The last straw is when she made induindos about stealing from her. We did give up livesMy husband and I just could not do enough for her. to take care of her. In the past 2yrs she has changed her will 4 times... before that she changed it 3 or 4 times. Any time she gets done with people she takes them out. Any time someone is overly nice puts them in. It is the craziest thing I have ever seen. I did not want to leave on bad terms, but its hard not to be aggravated with her. Her mood changes day to day. My nephew is taking care of her now. I am wondering if she has dementia or is just coniving, mean, mentally ill.
I was there too Once upon a time.......
I have many concerns because I know the situation all to well and it is not pretty. Venting is OK not only OK but necessary, much better than denial or ignorance. You need to tell your husband his Mother is treating you like this because she is not understanding what is happening to her. Usually the people who they abuse verbally the most are the only people who care because deep down they know your never giving up on them. Like I said If you didn't really care you would not be here. Don't feel guilty and don't waist time getting her to conform to reality. If you do want to do something about the issue, start with getting her to a Dr. for physical and Mental health. This is always easier said than done. Don't tell her she needs it she's not acting right that is surely going to get a negative reaction. You need to do this on a, what I call "need to know basis"!!!! Oh and what ever she says or does, try to have a "you are right attitude". Unless it's dangerous, of course. Make "O.K." your favorite answer even if you think "no way". . Tell her she's beautiful take her to get her hair or nails done then the Dr, ,whatever it takes. See... you are not the one delusional, she is and you can work around that to get things done in her benefit. Once you know what the real issue is you can go on from there. I hope you understand this. Bottom line is, until you know what is going on in her mind to act this way you can't help. This is the first step. When a person acts this way they will not listen if you force or go against them.
My mom always gave the most to her child who was farthest away who did the least for her regarding her care in her declining years. I think she thought if she did, that person would pay more attention to her. Just one possibility... The people who were here for her on a daily basis, she did the least for financially.
At the end of the day, we have to be a peace with what we give and we can absolutely control the wealth we make through our employment and save for ourselves.
It’s my personal opinion that counting on someone else’s will gives them the power to manipulate you. Do what you want for her out of the goodness of your heart. Live your life the way you want to. She is using her powers of manipulation, because she had no other power. It’s her last resort. While it was a lot of money, I found it sad to see how desperate my mother was for the attention of her furthest child and that she didn’t feel the need to be more thankful for those who were nearest to her and most caring in her times of greatest need.
Fortunately I worked hard all my life, saved carefully and in the end I am at peace with what I’ve done for her and the example of a good daughter that I’ve set for my children.
What she decided to do along the way with her money was her legacy and I hope everyone in my family feels good about the decisions they made as well.
I hope you find that balance of having peace in your life and moving forward in a good way for yourselves and for all those around you.
in geriatrics. and make an appointment with them.
Remember to take care of you. If its too hard to finish what you start..you did what you could. I am starting to come to this conclusion myself. Good luck.
Maybe after the dust settles you'll be able to get along better with MIL for brief visits.
See All Answers